The Razzies are having a bad week.

The Seahawks, Jets, and Colts have a bye, so Matt Hasselbeck, Edgerrin James, Laveranues Coles, and Colts D/ST are unavailable this week. And Torry Holt is injured and will not play. That means I'm out my relatively consistent QB, my ultimate stud RB, two WRs, and my rockstar defense. Their replacements are problematic, to say the least. My active roster this week is causing me some serious agony that has nothing to do with my post-naked-at-a-Halloween-party-with-a-bottle-of-Jack-Daniels hangover.

1. QB CONTROVERSY
Chris Simms (TB) or Kelly Holcomb (BUF)
While the Bucs are playing the Niners, and should destroy them because the Niners are leading the competition (Texans, Packers, Cardinals, Vikes) for being the suckiest team in the NFL this year, this is only Simms' third NFL start. And he probably won't rack up the passing yards because he'll hand it off a lot to Cadillac Williams. However, Jon Gruden made some cryptic remarks about not counting on just one quarterback this season, and the Bucs just picked up Tim Rattay, so I worry that if Simms might not finish the game, especially if he sucks.
Kelly Holcomb, on the other hand, threw two TDs last week since he replaced J.P. Lost-man. The Bills are playing the Pats, though, and if Kelly Holcomb gets sacked or hurried too much, he falls apart and starts throwing interceptions.
Right now I have Chris Simms starting, because I like the Bucs-Niners matchup better than the Bills-Patriots, but I'm going to be really pissed if Kelly Holcomb throws for 250 yds and two TDs.

2. RUNNING BACK
I'm counting on Willie Parker to have one of his rare awesome weeks. As much as I hate to wish bad things upon Jerome Bettis because I love him, I hope he twists his ankle and has to sit out this week so Parker can take all the carries for the Steelers. He's no Edgerrin James, but then again, who is?

3. WIDE OPEN AT WIDEOUT
The WR situation this year is grim for everyone, as there just isn't a plethora of badass receivers this year. I wouldn't be so worried about not having Laveranues Coles if Torry Holt was okay. But he's fucked until week 10, and the Rams are pretty much fucked every which way no matter how you look at it (Martz's smug ass has a deadly bacterial infection, Marc Bulger's hurt, Isaac Bruce is hurt, etc.), so this has major long-term ramifications for the Razzies' continued dominance. I picked up Ashley Lelie (DEN) and activated the perenially mediocre Derrick Mason (BAL). I predict ten points combined with these two, and that's a generous estimate.

4. D/ST
At least there's one bright spot: I have the Cowboys D/ST, and the Cowboys D should do a decent job keeping the pathetic Arizona offense in check.

I'm playing the Marauding Mings, who are 2-5 so far this season (as compared to the Razzies' amazing 6-1 record). Normally the Razzies leave their opponents in smoldering ruins. NFL.com was favoring the MM's to beat us by 25 points this week. This is painful.