What the fuck is up with NASCAR? It ruined my morning.

I was trying to catch some of yesterday's great plays on SportsCenter this morning and all of a sudden they switch from Raiders-Chiefs highlights and Dick Vermeil crying about Trent Green's dad to choice moments from the Dickies 500 or some shit like that. There weren't even any crashes, just some examples of pro-level passing. Why is this the fastest growing sport in America? 200,000 people show up to these shitty car races, and they don't even give out free cigarettes since it's not the "Winston Cup" anymore. Yet, I don't understand the appeal. A bunch of Oakley-wearing rednecks driving souped-up, Viagra-ad-plastered Hondas and Toyotas in a circle for five hours does nothing for me. Especially since all the drivers have a skeezy, sex-offender-y look about them. Case in point: Dale, Jr., who combines all the best attributes of Kevin Federline (arrogant yet vacant smirk, stupid hat) and Jeffrey Dahmer (beady little serial killer eyes, blonde eyebrows).



NASCAR is only cool when there's a big crash, but when that happens everyone acts all relieved if these morons don't die, so they can get out and drive again. I think NASCAR deaths should be celebrated as natural selection in action, since anyone stupid enough to be involved in this sport ought to omitted from the pool of DNA contributing to the evolution of humanity.

Get back to football, Stuart Scott, please go back to football! Ah, yes, a montage of Donovan and T.O. bitching about each other. I feel better now.