Sunday, March 12, 2006

 

Yanni may be the Prince of Florin

I was just thinking to myself, "Where the hell has Yanni been for the last five years??" I haven't heard much of him lately, not since that giant of journalism the Tacoma News Tribune did an expose on how he and his girlfriend Linda Evans (formerly of "Dynasty") lived in Yelm, WA and were devotees of the teachings of Ramtha. (Ramtha is the 10,000-year-old spirit of a warrior from Atlantis--the sunken continent, not the Bahamanian resort--who is channeled by a Yelm woman named J.Z. Knight. My mom did an ultrasound on J.Z. Knight once, and I asked her if she saw Ramtha on the sonogram. As it turns out, no Ramtha, just some garden variety gallstones.) Anyway, back when Yanni was on the Ramtha tip, he was also engaged in a fierce battle with former "Entertainment Tonight" anchor John Tesh for supremacy in the Muzak world. Kind of the way T.I. and Lil' Flip have battled for the title of "King of the South," except instead of dropping songs entitled "Fuck Dat Nigga," Tesh and Yanni competed for the most convincing look of passion and rapture while in the midst of a live performance:

Since Tesh's "Live at Red Rocks" CD kicked the crap out of Yanni's "Live at the Acropolis" CD in terms of sales and lasting popularity in the New Age/Instrumental category, Yanni retreated to a beachfront manse in Florida. I guess he must have cooled off on his love of Ramtha, because Linda Evans is history and he's been cohabitating with a woman twenty years his junior. The May-December thing hasn't worked out, because last week Yanni got all freaky Greeky with her and was arrested on domestic battery charges. I was shocked to see that Yanni has not only aged considerably from the days when he looked like the bastard child of Gallagher and Fabio, but bears a striking resemblance to Prince Humperdinck from The Princess Bride:


I almost expected to read that his battered girlfriend was saved in the nick of time by the brave and daring exploits of Cary Elwes, Andre the Giant, and a youthful Mandy Patinkin. Unfortunately, this did not happen, and when the police showed up to arrest him, he claimed that he only battered his girlfriend to save himself from her vicious and combative ways. While he did shake his girlfriend up a little bit, she kicked him and broke his finger, thus ensuring that he'll never play another keyboard solo over tranquil ocean wave sound effects. Clearly she deserved to be slapped around a little bit; you don't mess with a man's livelihood like that.


# posted by Razzy @ 10:23 AM
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