Thursday, April 13, 2006
Twat-Washer gets her comeuppance
I've had a number of problems with stank bitches at the gym. The most egregious was this heinous woman I call Twat-Washer, appropriately enough because she washed her vagina in the gym sink, and I have previously detailed exactly how horrifying this was to witness. Apparently I'm not the only one who has seen this old skank's hygiene regimen, as one of my co-workers informed me that she too had once observed her post-cardio cooch scouring routine. This woman is apparently accustomed to thinking it's okay to contaminate the entire ladies' locker room with her do-it-yourself sink douche.
Yesterday, I was getting dressed after my workout, and Twat-Washer walked in. I was in a bad mood, so I resolved not to let her get away with her heinous routine. As she approached the makeup mirror sink with towel in hand, I prepared myself to deliver a withering "I'm a microbiologist you are a totally unacceptable danger to public health"-type lecture. However, I was beaten to the punch by (unbelievably) another middle-aged woman, the type who has previously proved my arch-nemesis in locker room verbal sparring. For once, over-the-hill disapproval was not directed at me.
Twat-Washer stands by the sink and turns on the water, then puts her cellulite-ridden hamhock up on the counter. Just as she's soaping up her towel, this fiftyish woman who I recognize as a doctor at student health services starts drying her hair at the mirror. As Twat-Washer starts going at it, Doctor Student Health turns to her, and says, "You know, there's a lot of people trying to use this mirror right now, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd do that downstairs in the shower." She and Twat-Washer have a brief stare-off. I can tell that Twat-Washer is debating whether or not to argue with her. The locker room was fairly crowded, and everyone is already trying to discreetly pay attention to the conflict. I think it's safe to say that the crowd unanimously was supporting Doctor Student Health's position. Twat-Washer wisely realizes that she is outnumbered, and a lively debate will only bring humiliation, and possibly a public questioning of her gynecological health.
Twat-Washer bows her head in defeat, and waddles off downstairs to the showers. If I had a barrel of Gatorade I would have poured it over Doctor Student Health in a true celebration of victory. Finally, I may have achieved detente with saggy-assed old women at the gym. Some of them, it seems, may even actually be on my side.
Yesterday, I was getting dressed after my workout, and Twat-Washer walked in. I was in a bad mood, so I resolved not to let her get away with her heinous routine. As she approached the makeup mirror sink with towel in hand, I prepared myself to deliver a withering "I'm a microbiologist you are a totally unacceptable danger to public health"-type lecture. However, I was beaten to the punch by (unbelievably) another middle-aged woman, the type who has previously proved my arch-nemesis in locker room verbal sparring. For once, over-the-hill disapproval was not directed at me.
Twat-Washer stands by the sink and turns on the water, then puts her cellulite-ridden hamhock up on the counter. Just as she's soaping up her towel, this fiftyish woman who I recognize as a doctor at student health services starts drying her hair at the mirror. As Twat-Washer starts going at it, Doctor Student Health turns to her, and says, "You know, there's a lot of people trying to use this mirror right now, and I'd really appreciate it if you'd do that downstairs in the shower." She and Twat-Washer have a brief stare-off. I can tell that Twat-Washer is debating whether or not to argue with her. The locker room was fairly crowded, and everyone is already trying to discreetly pay attention to the conflict. I think it's safe to say that the crowd unanimously was supporting Doctor Student Health's position. Twat-Washer wisely realizes that she is outnumbered, and a lively debate will only bring humiliation, and possibly a public questioning of her gynecological health.
Twat-Washer bows her head in defeat, and waddles off downstairs to the showers. If I had a barrel of Gatorade I would have poured it over Doctor Student Health in a true celebration of victory. Finally, I may have achieved detente with saggy-assed old women at the gym. Some of them, it seems, may even actually be on my side.
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Doooood. This is rank! Why have you not told me about this before?! LOLlololooweeeee!
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# posted by 
: 4/14/2006 12:14 PM
: 4/14/2006 12:14 PM Links to this post:
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