Tuesday, May 30, 2006
MySpace is an intellectual sewer
Since putting up the Razzy MySpace page, I've rapidly amassed many "friends" I've never met before. Out of all my 50-something "friends", I only actually know like 15 of them. As I mentioned before, I did this to promote RAZZY.org, so I add everyone who wants to e-befriend me, and fortunately that has worked in terms of generating increased traffic at my site. However, every time I log on, one of these new "friends" of mine has written some incredibly stupid bulletin board entry.
For example, today I logged on and saw that some guy wanted a critique of his writing. I took one look and (while his writing was thankfully free of LOLs and alots), my first response was "Are you fucking kidding me?" This brilliant essay was this dude's thesis on why he is now an atheist, and I'm almost completely certain that the whole time he was writing it, he was thinking, "God, I'm so smart. This is, like, going to blow everybody's minds." Well, mine was not blown.
Journey to Freedom: My Escape from the Prison of Faith to the Independence of Free-thought
The greatest day of my life was one, nearly three years ago, when I decided that this life is my own. A day when, in a moment of astonishing clarity, I realized there are no supernatural forces, angels or demons, acting as a compass to steer me in either a safe or perilous course through the turbulent waves of the world we live in, a world rife with tremendous beauty and terrible heartache. There is no God in heaven to thank for my astounding successes, no Devil in hell to blame for my personal failures, and no cushy failsafe in the will of the Almighty to fall back on as a crutch in times of difficulty. The only intervention I can expect is the kind that I create; the only being who has the power to shape my future is me. It is my responsibility, and mine alone, to carve a niche into this world that I can stand in and proudly call my own. After decades of struggling with my childhood beliefs in such fallacious concepts like the immortality of the soul and the raging hellfire of eternal damnation, in one fell swoop, I tore away the shackles of my religious convictions to finally escape the prison that held me in bondage for nearly twenty years of my life. It was on this day that, fleeing from the hypocrisies and inadequacies of my old faith, I took my first step on a journey of self-discovery as a freethinker and professed atheist. Within the blink of an eye my conceptions of everything, from my opinion of homosexuals to my general outlook on life, changed forever in an unbelievably dramatic fashion. I was a person reborn in the golden light of intellectual reason and who, after a decade of battling the teachings instilled within me by my long history as a devoted Christian, triumphantly discarded my old values, old rituals, and old religion. And, though the road has been hard and the journey long since my transformation, I have absolutely no regret for making this incredible trek that defied the sacred traditions of my friends, my family, and my God. It was on this day, despite all of the opposition warring against me, that my life really began.
If Hallmark devoted a section to selling cards or stationery extolling the trite renunciation of cherished religious values, this would undoubtedly be the signature piece of the collection. Clearly this brilliant philosopher just finished reading The Da Vinci Code and decide to bite Dan Brown's writing style to share the story of his rebirth in "the golden light of intellectual reason." Nothing piques my interest more than first-person accounts of renouncing Christianity inspired by the music of Korn. I get the feeling he thinks people will read this cliche-fest and say, "Wow, look at the staggering genius on this dude! This guy is DEEP!" (This guy is a sophomore at some shitty backwoods college I've never heard of in North Carolina, and on his profile says he wants to meet Nietzsche. Yawn.) When I was in high school I declared myself an atheist, too. I also started smoking, dressing in the most heinous corduroy pants sold by the Salvation Army, reading Simone De Beauvoir, and listening to entirely too much Team Dresch and Bikini Kill. Then I turned 18, and with the wisdom that comes with age, decided that I wasn't being a "freethinker" unfettered by the "shackles of my religious convictions," I was just being an obnoxious tool who wasn't very much fun to party with.
This sagacious philosopher impressed the hell out of me with his keen insights in his last bulletin board posting, where he asked if anyone in North Carolina would be interested in having a threesome with him and his fat girlfriend. Since he's one of these MySpace friend collectors with 600 friends, I'm sure the ladies will be beating down his door to get it on with Tubby and this "5'9"/slim/slender" master of the tired "fuck Christianity" essay with no paragraph breaks. I'm sure that with so many friends, he'll be able to dig up some desperate country bitches unaware that this motherfucker's deep God-spurning convictions shamelessly plagiarize every interview Marilyn Manson has ever given on the subject that will gladly drop trou for him and his porky lady.
Over the weekend, I went out for drinks with my ex-boyfriend Benzo and the Gossman, another old friend from my Smith/Northampton days. We were reminiscing about the restaurant where Benzo used to work, this burrito place where guys like Mr. I-Want-To-Meet-Nietzsche would come in all the time and try to buy ridiculous amounts of food for spare change. I mockingly said something like, "Hey Benzo, what can I get for 75 cents that's vegan?" and he responded, "My scorn." That's exactly how I feel about this assclown. He gets nothing but my contemptuous disdain.
This is why I didn't want to join MySpace. Because people are fucking morons, and just as I suspected, they are on MySpace in droves. Seriously, I would rather read some James Blunt wannabe's postings about what an original sound he has compared to every other whiny emo-bitch than this idiot's musings about his journey from faith. Save it for your philosophizing class at your unaccredited college, you dumbass.
For example, today I logged on and saw that some guy wanted a critique of his writing. I took one look and (while his writing was thankfully free of LOLs and alots), my first response was "Are you fucking kidding me?" This brilliant essay was this dude's thesis on why he is now an atheist, and I'm almost completely certain that the whole time he was writing it, he was thinking, "God, I'm so smart. This is, like, going to blow everybody's minds." Well, mine was not blown.
Journey to Freedom: My Escape from the Prison of Faith to the Independence of Free-thought
The greatest day of my life was one, nearly three years ago, when I decided that this life is my own. A day when, in a moment of astonishing clarity, I realized there are no supernatural forces, angels or demons, acting as a compass to steer me in either a safe or perilous course through the turbulent waves of the world we live in, a world rife with tremendous beauty and terrible heartache. There is no God in heaven to thank for my astounding successes, no Devil in hell to blame for my personal failures, and no cushy failsafe in the will of the Almighty to fall back on as a crutch in times of difficulty. The only intervention I can expect is the kind that I create; the only being who has the power to shape my future is me. It is my responsibility, and mine alone, to carve a niche into this world that I can stand in and proudly call my own. After decades of struggling with my childhood beliefs in such fallacious concepts like the immortality of the soul and the raging hellfire of eternal damnation, in one fell swoop, I tore away the shackles of my religious convictions to finally escape the prison that held me in bondage for nearly twenty years of my life. It was on this day that, fleeing from the hypocrisies and inadequacies of my old faith, I took my first step on a journey of self-discovery as a freethinker and professed atheist. Within the blink of an eye my conceptions of everything, from my opinion of homosexuals to my general outlook on life, changed forever in an unbelievably dramatic fashion. I was a person reborn in the golden light of intellectual reason and who, after a decade of battling the teachings instilled within me by my long history as a devoted Christian, triumphantly discarded my old values, old rituals, and old religion. And, though the road has been hard and the journey long since my transformation, I have absolutely no regret for making this incredible trek that defied the sacred traditions of my friends, my family, and my God. It was on this day, despite all of the opposition warring against me, that my life really began.
If Hallmark devoted a section to selling cards or stationery extolling the trite renunciation of cherished religious values, this would undoubtedly be the signature piece of the collection. Clearly this brilliant philosopher just finished reading The Da Vinci Code and decide to bite Dan Brown's writing style to share the story of his rebirth in "the golden light of intellectual reason." Nothing piques my interest more than first-person accounts of renouncing Christianity inspired by the music of Korn. I get the feeling he thinks people will read this cliche-fest and say, "Wow, look at the staggering genius on this dude! This guy is DEEP!" (This guy is a sophomore at some shitty backwoods college I've never heard of in North Carolina, and on his profile says he wants to meet Nietzsche. Yawn.) When I was in high school I declared myself an atheist, too. I also started smoking, dressing in the most heinous corduroy pants sold by the Salvation Army, reading Simone De Beauvoir, and listening to entirely too much Team Dresch and Bikini Kill. Then I turned 18, and with the wisdom that comes with age, decided that I wasn't being a "freethinker" unfettered by the "shackles of my religious convictions," I was just being an obnoxious tool who wasn't very much fun to party with.
This sagacious philosopher impressed the hell out of me with his keen insights in his last bulletin board posting, where he asked if anyone in North Carolina would be interested in having a threesome with him and his fat girlfriend. Since he's one of these MySpace friend collectors with 600 friends, I'm sure the ladies will be beating down his door to get it on with Tubby and this "5'9"/slim/slender" master of the tired "fuck Christianity" essay with no paragraph breaks. I'm sure that with so many friends, he'll be able to dig up some desperate country bitches unaware that this motherfucker's deep God-spurning convictions shamelessly plagiarize every interview Marilyn Manson has ever given on the subject that will gladly drop trou for him and his porky lady.
Over the weekend, I went out for drinks with my ex-boyfriend Benzo and the Gossman, another old friend from my Smith/Northampton days. We were reminiscing about the restaurant where Benzo used to work, this burrito place where guys like Mr. I-Want-To-Meet-Nietzsche would come in all the time and try to buy ridiculous amounts of food for spare change. I mockingly said something like, "Hey Benzo, what can I get for 75 cents that's vegan?" and he responded, "My scorn." That's exactly how I feel about this assclown. He gets nothing but my contemptuous disdain.
This is why I didn't want to join MySpace. Because people are fucking morons, and just as I suspected, they are on MySpace in droves. Seriously, I would rather read some James Blunt wannabe's postings about what an original sound he has compared to every other whiny emo-bitch than this idiot's musings about his journey from faith. Save it for your philosophizing class at your unaccredited college, you dumbass.
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See, I told you. SlutSpace is a waste of time, although admittedly I did have an account for a bit... I am now proud to be MySpace-free.
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