RazzyBlog

He might look non-threatening in his khaki Members Only jacket, but Mahmoud is a real firecracker. He has been in office since August 2005, and has hit the ground running since assuming the presidency. Some highlights of his administration thus far:

-Kissed the Ayatollah repeatedly to demonstrate his loyalty, thus demonstrating the complete closure of any gap between church and state that may have existed

-Enriching uranium to hasten nuclear holocaust in the Middle East

-Claimed that the Holocaust was a myth engineered to persecute Palestinians, but if it DID happen (and he's not conceding it did), then Israel should be set up in Germany or Austria instead

-Said, "Our dear Imam said that the occupying regime (read: Israel) should be wiped off the map and that was a very wise statement." Other translations of this from the original Farsi should be read as, "Hey, you Zionist pigs! Bring it!" To which Israel will inevitably respond, "Oh, it's already been brought," and fire off a couple plutonium warhead-equipped Jericho missiles in response.

-After making these statements, accused Western journalists of "trying to portray Iran as an anti-Semitic country."

-Earned the title "aspiring genocidist" from American pundit Charles Krauthammer

-Takes great glee in taunting President Bush into military action. Iran '07, baby! It's going to happen.

Or is it Kim Jong Il, Dictator/North Korean Cult of Personality?

-Enriching uranium to hasten nuclear holocaust...wherever. Russia? South Korea? The U.S.? Who knows who will draw his ire next!?

-Afraid of flying and will not travel anywhere he can't reach by train

-Rabid collector of Donald Duck paraphernalia

-Obsessive love with cinema compelled him to kidnap a famous South Korean movie director and his wife, to start a North Korean film industry

-Deals with insurrectionists (ie: people who complain about the severe famine afflicting North Korea) using network of gulags

-Wears platform shoes to seem taller (a la Tom Cruise, who is likewise crazy and fortunately isn't a head of state). Ironic, considering his reported love of NBA basketball and fanatical obsession with extra-tall NBA players.

I just can't decide which Axis of Evil leader is nuttier. Every time I'm about to give the prize to Kim Jong Il, Mahmoud gives some sort of insane press conference and pulls ahead in the psycho national leader contest. Man, it's awesome that guys like these are going nuclear. I can't wait for the end of the fucking world.

# posted by Razzy @ 7:34 AM