Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Finally, Uberbelle makes it happen
Apparently Kate and Camilla were having a couple business-related issues with Uberbelle.com, the fashiony naked girl site that hired them to hire me to model, and that's why my pictures have not yet appeared there. However, these issues have now apparently been ironed out, so my pictures will be up there any day now. In the meantime, Uberbelle wanted me to fill out a questionnaire...apparently to provide some personality behind the tits and ass shots. I thought this questionnaire was dumb, because I surmise that no dude whacking it to Uberbelle gives a fuck what movies I like to watch. I figured I could at least use it to promote my website, and to act like an asshole for the benefit of whatever pretentious hipster douchebags that like their jerk-off material artfaggy (presumably this is the bulk of Uberbelle subscribers).
UBERBELLE MODEL QUESTIONNAIRE
1. Stats
a. Height: 5’3”
b. Weight: 130
c. Chest: 34B
d. Waist: I have no idea, and I don’t have a measuring tape. I’m a size 4.
e. Hips: thick as hell
f. Eyes: Blue
g. Hair: Blonde
h. Age:27
2. Hometown: Puyallup, WA
3. Cultural Background (i.e. Italian, German, Czech, Martian): Viking Irish
4. Favorite body part: A solid tie between my tits and ass. I’m also quite partial to my big, sexy brain.
5. Least favorite body part: My liver, which is why I’m dead-set on obliterating it with alcohol
6. Favorite finger: the middle one…duh
7. A few of my favorite things: dogs, fucking, the National Football League, meat, RAZZY.org, infection and immunity, swarthy rogues
8. Movies I never get tired of: The Running Man, Predator, Total Recall, Terminator Trilogy, Starship Troopers, The Faculty, RoboCop, Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Varsity Blues. I’m also partial to porn with ridiculous backstories, like Mr. Short Stud, a film in which a dummy comes to life to satisfy two masturbation-crazy female roommates, or Edward Penishands, in which a dead-ringer for Johnny Depp demonstrates his ability to bang two women at once instead of making ice sculptures or trimming hedges.
9. What’s on my Ipod: I don’t have an iPod, but if I did, it would undoubtedly be filled with Southern ass rap, Def Leppard’s greatest hits, and Lionel Richie. And Toby Keith. And Megadeth.
10. What keeps me a couch potato: the TV
11. Best date ever: One where I get laid, and either go hunting with Ted Nugent or eat steak.
12. Worst date ever: One where I don’t get laid, or where I end up losing my temper on MTV’s “Boiling Points” and thus don’t get any money.
13. Type of underwear you’re most likely to find me in: none
14. Can touch my tongue to my nose (yes/no): I refuse to answer on the grounds that this question is stupid.
15. Why I’m the best Uberbelle ever: Because I’m Razzy. Obviously.
UBERBELLE MODEL QUESTIONNAIRE
1. Stats
a. Height: 5’3”
b. Weight: 130
c. Chest: 34B
d. Waist: I have no idea, and I don’t have a measuring tape. I’m a size 4.
e. Hips: thick as hell
f. Eyes: Blue
g. Hair: Blonde
h. Age:27
2. Hometown: Puyallup, WA
3. Cultural Background (i.e. Italian, German, Czech, Martian): Viking Irish
4. Favorite body part: A solid tie between my tits and ass. I’m also quite partial to my big, sexy brain.
5. Least favorite body part: My liver, which is why I’m dead-set on obliterating it with alcohol
6. Favorite finger: the middle one…duh
7. A few of my favorite things: dogs, fucking, the National Football League, meat, RAZZY.org, infection and immunity, swarthy rogues
8. Movies I never get tired of: The Running Man, Predator, Total Recall, Terminator Trilogy, Starship Troopers, The Faculty, RoboCop, Lord of the Rings, Gladiator, Varsity Blues. I’m also partial to porn with ridiculous backstories, like Mr. Short Stud, a film in which a dummy comes to life to satisfy two masturbation-crazy female roommates, or Edward Penishands, in which a dead-ringer for Johnny Depp demonstrates his ability to bang two women at once instead of making ice sculptures or trimming hedges.
9. What’s on my Ipod: I don’t have an iPod, but if I did, it would undoubtedly be filled with Southern ass rap, Def Leppard’s greatest hits, and Lionel Richie. And Toby Keith. And Megadeth.
10. What keeps me a couch potato: the TV
11. Best date ever: One where I get laid, and either go hunting with Ted Nugent or eat steak.
12. Worst date ever: One where I don’t get laid, or where I end up losing my temper on MTV’s “Boiling Points” and thus don’t get any money.
13. Type of underwear you’re most likely to find me in: none
14. Can touch my tongue to my nose (yes/no): I refuse to answer on the grounds that this question is stupid.
15. Why I’m the best Uberbelle ever: Because I’m Razzy. Obviously.
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Unbelievably dumb questions...
So tell us, Razzy, how does it feel to know that serious dumbasses are plunking down their artsy/faggy dollars to wank off to your photos?
In my studio days, I once shot photos for a couple of girls who wanted to be in Playboy... dumbasses.... whatevers, I took their money and did my best.
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So tell us, Razzy, how does it feel to know that serious dumbasses are plunking down their artsy/faggy dollars to wank off to your photos?
In my studio days, I once shot photos for a couple of girls who wanted to be in Playboy... dumbasses.... whatevers, I took their money and did my best.
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