Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Revenge of the Werds
The doctor is back after an agonizing internets-less stint. Following a quality chat with Diane in Mexico City, the problem is half-resolved and I'm back on the grid for more bitchery.
After a week like this, I'll need to revisit the tried and true favorite of my ridicule: the Professor. He's back in action in rare form with the second-cousin to English, and I have some jewels to share:
Appraised
This is a real word, you say to yourself. Well, yes, I know that, and so does he, apparently - it simply means something different when it flops from his mouth. In Profish, it means "apprised." For example, "Keep me appraised of the situation [developments/updates/etc.]." Cuz I guaran-fuckin-tee he's not asking that I assign him with a value.
Recognaissance
While this may be oneof the most brilliant mergers to hit the English market since the contraction "y'all," it is certainly not to be found in, on, or near a Webster-Merriam. This combines the fundaments of military intelligence with the basis of pyschology into one very special bubbling cauldron of business babble. Gold star.
Periodicity
I have no fucking idea what this means. I even heard it in context and don't know. The relief came when a colleague turned and said, "Did you just say say 'periodicity'?"
Augmentationally
A hexasyllabic mishap. All I understood was the intention "to expand, increase, boost." In doubt, I search for the root. One does what one can.
Activacious
I presume this means "with fervor." It came to me as "we need to take an activatious approach." In any event, a) that seems to be the case, and b) I might question the word "need" in this instance.
More to come, methinks, but couldn't let another day/memory slot go without making these fine specimen known. For next week, copy down these definit-at-ions three times and us-ilat-e in a sentence. Exam-inatory on Thursday. Class dismiss-osit-ed.
For previous smeebery, check it out:
http://www.razzy.org/RazzyBlog/archive/2006_10_01_archive.html
10/24 "Allow me to introduce myself"
After a week like this, I'll need to revisit the tried and true favorite of my ridicule: the Professor. He's back in action in rare form with the second-cousin to English, and I have some jewels to share:
Appraised
This is a real word, you say to yourself. Well, yes, I know that, and so does he, apparently - it simply means something different when it flops from his mouth. In Profish, it means "apprised." For example, "Keep me appraised of the situation [developments/updates/etc.]." Cuz I guaran-fuckin-tee he's not asking that I assign him with a value.
Recognaissance
While this may be oneof the most brilliant mergers to hit the English market since the contraction "y'all," it is certainly not to be found in, on, or near a Webster-Merriam. This combines the fundaments of military intelligence with the basis of pyschology into one very special bubbling cauldron of business babble. Gold star.
Periodicity
I have no fucking idea what this means. I even heard it in context and don't know. The relief came when a colleague turned and said, "Did you just say say 'periodicity'?"
Augmentationally
A hexasyllabic mishap. All I understood was the intention "to expand, increase, boost." In doubt, I search for the root. One does what one can.
Activacious
I presume this means "with fervor." It came to me as "we need to take an activatious approach." In any event, a) that seems to be the case, and b) I might question the word "need" in this instance.
More to come, methinks, but couldn't let another day/memory slot go without making these fine specimen known. For next week, copy down these definit-at-ions three times and us-ilat-e in a sentence. Exam-inatory on Thursday. Class dismiss-osit-ed.
For previous smeebery, check it out:
http://www.razzy.org/RazzyBlog/archive/2006_10_01_archive.html
10/24 "Allow me to introduce myself"
Labels: Hunter S. Thompson fetish, Smeeberish
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"Periodicity" may have no place in experiential marketing, but it sure does in the laboratory!
In chemistry, "periodicity" refers to an element's place in the greatest organizational device ever, the Periodic Table, and its characteristics related to other elements in the same column. You know, like the Noble Gases are inert, the Alkali Metals are, well, alkaline (and explode when the metal makes contact with water...it's cool), the Halogens are all mad reactive due to their missing electrons, the Transition Metals are boring and thus only useful for making tools, jewelry, anchors, thermometers, etc. My chemistry abilities end there despite having taken two full years of the shit in college, and that's about the only thing I can remember besides Avogadro's number.
In the wild world of infectious disease, we also use "periodicity." For example, the fever-and-chill cycles characteristic of infection by P. falciparum or some other malaria parasite occur at regular intervals, and the time between each cycle could be called the "periodicity" of the symptoms. So it's not really Smeeberish so much as discipline-specific jargon.
I still, however, have no clue what the fuck "periodicity" would be used for in your office, though, dude.
In chemistry, "periodicity" refers to an element's place in the greatest organizational device ever, the Periodic Table, and its characteristics related to other elements in the same column. You know, like the Noble Gases are inert, the Alkali Metals are, well, alkaline (and explode when the metal makes contact with water...it's cool), the Halogens are all mad reactive due to their missing electrons, the Transition Metals are boring and thus only useful for making tools, jewelry, anchors, thermometers, etc. My chemistry abilities end there despite having taken two full years of the shit in college, and that's about the only thing I can remember besides Avogadro's number.
In the wild world of infectious disease, we also use "periodicity." For example, the fever-and-chill cycles characteristic of infection by P. falciparum or some other malaria parasite occur at regular intervals, and the time between each cycle could be called the "periodicity" of the symptoms. So it's not really Smeeberish so much as discipline-specific jargon.
I still, however, have no clue what the fuck "periodicity" would be used for in your office, though, dude.
"Smeeberish" is the outright abuse of what we know as English. Status as an actual word is, while occaisionally edifying, what the rest of us call "ignorance" - for in chemistry as in speaky, a miscaluculation results not in the desired substance, but in a Seamus Finnigan-style boom boom. Let us liken the Periodic Table to what we call The Dictionary, and clearly state that this douchebag has no place at the Free Fridays of scientists or other scholars. Yes?
Noted, and agreed. FalloniusMonk, they should put us in charge of the official English language. Between my anal-retentive grammar skills and your insight into misappropriations or rearrangements of words into Smeeberish, we'd have everyone speaking naught but the Queen's English (and by Queen, I mean Razzy) in no time.
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