Tuesday, January 23, 2007
Disgorge and shine
I woke up this morning to discover that Chingy!, bewitching creature that he is, vomited all over my bed at some point during the night. Since I've been so sleep deprived as of late, I was in a comatose state comparable to that princess bitch who pricked her finger on a spinning needle and fell into an enchanted slumber, and thus did not stir when he was apparently puking. Unlike Sleeping Beauty, however, I did not wake to the tender kiss of Prince Charming, but to a puddle of regurgitated Beneful Healthy Weight in front of a peacefully snoring pug. Man, Chingy! is adorable.
Every time some person sees me walking Chingy! down the street and squeals, "That dog is SO CUTE!", I respond with a delightful story about the many charms of Chingy!. This includes stories about him stamping poop starfishes on people's pants, avidly consuming used tampons, getting yeast infections in his ears, ejaculating on my apartment floor, and lapping up the diarrhea of the indigent. Now I can add "vomits on my sheets" to the annals of Chingy! anecdotes.
With a morning that starts out like this, with not only dog vomit but also housework (both are right up there with raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens in the pantheon of favorite things), how can my day NOT be totally awesome?
UPDATE: While I was waiting for this to publish, Chingy! woke up, ate some of his own puke, apparently didn't like it (imagine that), and sneezed haughtily at it. Then he jumped off the bed and came up to me, giving me a look that plainly stated, "Would you change the fucking sheets already? There's vomit onyour my bed." I'm getting to it right now, asshole! CHONGAY CHONG yourself, you rePUGnant little beast!
Every time some person sees me walking Chingy! down the street and squeals, "That dog is SO CUTE!", I respond with a delightful story about the many charms of Chingy!. This includes stories about him stamping poop starfishes on people's pants, avidly consuming used tampons, getting yeast infections in his ears, ejaculating on my apartment floor, and lapping up the diarrhea of the indigent. Now I can add "vomits on my sheets" to the annals of Chingy! anecdotes.
With a morning that starts out like this, with not only dog vomit but also housework (both are right up there with raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens in the pantheon of favorite things), how can my day NOT be totally awesome?
UPDATE: While I was waiting for this to publish, Chingy! woke up, ate some of his own puke, apparently didn't like it (imagine that), and sneezed haughtily at it. Then he jumped off the bed and came up to me, giving me a look that plainly stated, "Would you change the fucking sheets already? There's vomit on
Labels: CHONGAY CHONG, doggity style, gross, oh the horror
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