Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Bagels are rad
Since it's Ash Wednesday and I'm not supposed to eat, I immediately began thinking about how badly I'd like a bagel. I'll probably hit that shit and then feel guilty in church later when I'm getting my ashes. Then I'll spend the rest of the day yelling at people for being stupid about Catholics when they tell me that I have a bunch of black shit on my forehead. Man, I hate Lent. Lent sucks.
Also sucking about Lent is the fact that LL Cool Jew returns to the Dirrty Dirrty today, and I won't see her until her weddingstravaganza kicks off in about six weeks, right in time for Easter. Since I already have bagels on the brain, it made me think of some amusing anecdotes concerning her fiance, BigBagel. He did two years in the Peace Corps in Togo, which is in Africa in case you are a little rusty on your world geography. Consequently, he has a huge Africa fetish. When I went to their place in Mississippi for Thanksgiving two years ago, LL Cool Jew was setting up a place for Wmania and myself to sleep, and walked in with what looked like the contents of a village cloth market in her arms. "Nice blankets, dude," I said.
"Don't look at me." LL Cool Jew said. "BigBagel bought most of West Africa's supply of Kinte cloth while he was in Togo. I'm amazed they have any blankets left over there."
As a salute to his Afrophilia, LL Cool Jew thought it would be funny to get BigBagel this shirt for Valentine's Day.
She thought it was silly and would appeal to his love for all things Africa. How wrong she was. Apparently, BigBagel opened the gift, took one look at the shirt, and frowned thoughtfully.
"Well, what's the matter? Don't you like it?" LL Cool Jew asked him.
"I don't get it," he responded. "Chad isn't rad. It's the next Darfur."
LL Cool Jew probably would have done better to get a "Togo is ____", but I can't think of anything clever that rhymes with Togo, and apparently neither have manufacturers of clever faux vintage t-shirts. At least she just got him a shirt and not the traditional Valentine's Day gift of a blood diamond. Oh well...he's still going to marry her ass in spite of her attempts at humor having to do with civil war-torn, politically unstable, economically fucked African nations.
Anyway, I don't know how BigBagel lasted two years in Togo eating gerbils and termites or whatever, because, as his name implies, the dude is crazy for bagels. Granted, he's like a goat and would probably eat a tin can if you served it to him, but given a choice of foods, he opts for bagels. Last fall, when they were both in town, LL Cool Jew informed me that BigBagel had "wiped out the stock of every H&H in Manhattan", because authentic New York bagels are as impossible to get in Mississippi as they are in Togo.
It's only fitting that last week, the day before LL Cool Jew arrived on this trip, I opened my mail to find a large, invitation-y envelope with a Montclair, NJ postmark. "Rehearsal dinner invitation," I predicted, and I was right. However, in addition to that, there was an invitation for another event.
It seems MillerTime and I are invited to "a post-wedding bagel nosh" at BigBagel's parents' home, which I like to imagine as being next door to Tony Soprano's in a well-kept Garden State suburban development. Of course...what else could BigBagel's family POSSIBLY follow up their son's wedding with than a meal consisting mainly of bagels? It's perfect.
Also sucking about Lent is the fact that LL Cool Jew returns to the Dirrty Dirrty today, and I won't see her until her weddingstravaganza kicks off in about six weeks, right in time for Easter. Since I already have bagels on the brain, it made me think of some amusing anecdotes concerning her fiance, BigBagel. He did two years in the Peace Corps in Togo, which is in Africa in case you are a little rusty on your world geography. Consequently, he has a huge Africa fetish. When I went to their place in Mississippi for Thanksgiving two years ago, LL Cool Jew was setting up a place for Wmania and myself to sleep, and walked in with what looked like the contents of a village cloth market in her arms. "Nice blankets, dude," I said.
"Don't look at me." LL Cool Jew said. "BigBagel bought most of West Africa's supply of Kinte cloth while he was in Togo. I'm amazed they have any blankets left over there."
As a salute to his Afrophilia, LL Cool Jew thought it would be funny to get BigBagel this shirt for Valentine's Day.
"Well, what's the matter? Don't you like it?" LL Cool Jew asked him.
"I don't get it," he responded. "Chad isn't rad. It's the next Darfur."
LL Cool Jew probably would have done better to get a "Togo is ____", but I can't think of anything clever that rhymes with Togo, and apparently neither have manufacturers of clever faux vintage t-shirts. At least she just got him a shirt and not the traditional Valentine's Day gift of a blood diamond. Oh well...he's still going to marry her ass in spite of her attempts at humor having to do with civil war-torn, politically unstable, economically fucked African nations.
Anyway, I don't know how BigBagel lasted two years in Togo eating gerbils and termites or whatever, because, as his name implies, the dude is crazy for bagels. Granted, he's like a goat and would probably eat a tin can if you served it to him, but given a choice of foods, he opts for bagels. Last fall, when they were both in town, LL Cool Jew informed me that BigBagel had "wiped out the stock of every H&H in Manhattan", because authentic New York bagels are as impossible to get in Mississippi as they are in Togo.
It's only fitting that last week, the day before LL Cool Jew arrived on this trip, I opened my mail to find a large, invitation-y envelope with a Montclair, NJ postmark. "Rehearsal dinner invitation," I predicted, and I was right. However, in addition to that, there was an invitation for another event.
It seems MillerTime and I are invited to "a post-wedding bagel nosh" at BigBagel's parents' home, which I like to imagine as being next door to Tony Soprano's in a well-kept Garden State suburban development. Of course...what else could BigBagel's family POSSIBLY follow up their son's wedding with than a meal consisting mainly of bagels? It's perfect.
Labels: BigBagel, Catholicism, international intrigue, LL Cool Jew, ridiculous absurdity
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
