Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Million dollar scabies
Recently the woman who refused to shave Britney's head has been dragging the hair around to "Entertainment Tonight" and any other media outfit that will allow those biohazardous synthetic tresses on set. It seems she spied a golden opportunity and tried to sell this crap on eBay. eBay, adhering to their policy not to allow auctions selling biological or chemical weapons of mass destruction, pulled the listing. Undaunted, the entrepreneurial owner of the alleged hair set up a website to sell it for the low, low price of one MILLION dollars.
While I'm all for capitalism and I'm not hating on this salon owner for aspiring to be counted among what Destiny's Child calls "all the mamas with profit dollas", if this sells fora cool million a hundred thousand ten grand one C-note 5 bucks, I'll be astounded yet again by the sheer idiocy of the average American consumer. How exactly could you make any money off this shit except by selling it to a monumentally stupid buyer after convincing them it's a winning business venture? Unfortunately, there probably IS some trashy moron out there who just won Powerball or something that will plunk down an obscene sum of cash for this worthless crap which MAY be an infectious hazard. God bless America.
I was hoping that my favorite city paper, the NY Post, would have an awesome exclamatory front page headline about this bullshit "opportunity." Instead, it seems they've chosen to focus on the busted selection of wigs she's chosen to sport since getting the Smith College first-year womyn's studies major/G.I. Jane coif, although they neglect to mention that this look was shamelessly stolen from Deputy Johnson on "Reno 911!".
On a totally unrelated note, the Post and Daily News are BOTH all over how Pay-Rod and Derek Jeter broke up. The Post got it wrong because the headline SHOULD be "A-ROD COMES OUT".
I defy anyone (JerseyGirl) passionately arguing against the fact that these two were trading reach-arounds up until Jeter's brief showmance with Jessica Biel to say so now. Not only are they not friends anymore, but what Pay-Rod specifically said was, "You go from sleeping over at someone's house five nights a week, and then you don't sleep over anymore." He should have added, "And then your boyfriend--I mean, teammate--is on Perez Hilton playing football on some Puerto Rican beach with that hot-assed bitch who used to be on '7th Heaven'. I've learned that when someone says, 'I'll never leave you, Alex' they are A FILTHY LIAR! Wait...I miss you, Derek. I'll never find anything as special as what we once had. Call me!" This is otherwise known as BREAKING UP. Apparently, they hit a rough patch (AKA last post-season, when the only balls Gay-Rod was hitting with his bat were Jeter's) and had a bit of a lovers' spat. Now Jeter is sending Gay-Rod to voicemail and slutting around Hollywood to inspire jealousy. Man, I hope the Yankees suck this year on account of gay drama involving the shortstop and third baseman. Better yet, I hope one of them buys Britney's hair to give the other as a peace offering, and then they both die from the as-yet-undescribed super-virulent strain of the clap it carries. That would kick so much ass.
This is it, the opportunity of a lifetime. You can be the proud owner of Britney Spears’ hair, extensions, the Omega clipper used to cut it all off and even the can of Red Bull she was drinking at the time. You also get her blue Bic Lighter and this valuable domain and website to use for publicity purposes. This is the Ultimate Britney Spears Experience! It is a piece of history that can not be duplicated!It might be the "opportunity of a lifetime" for the salon owner to unload a permanently nit-contaminated set of clippers, but that's it. I would also argue that the "Ultimate Britney Spears experience" would be doing a shit-ton of ecstasy and having a lesbian orgy with a platoon of washed-up Vegas hookers in a pig trough filled with Cheetos, but I guess that's a little tougher to orchestrate and sell. In case that sales pitch didn't convince you that the cheap extensions Brit sheared off, along with a Red Bull can that actually touched her herpetic lips, a lighter, and the EXTREMELY valuable domain "buybritneyshair.com" are worth your hard-earned MILLION DOLLARS, take a gander at the goods themselves.
A portion of the proceeds will be donated to various charities. The winner will have the choice to remain anonymous or to use this for publicity purposes.
If you are SERIOUS about purchasing please do the following:
Please send an email to buybritneyshair@yahoo.com and include your name, company name (if applicable), email, phone number, and address. We will contact you A.S.A.P. Any submissions that do not include ALL of the required information will be discarded.
While I'm all for capitalism and I'm not hating on this salon owner for aspiring to be counted among what Destiny's Child calls "all the mamas with profit dollas", if this sells for
I was hoping that my favorite city paper, the NY Post, would have an awesome exclamatory front page headline about this bullshit "opportunity." Instead, it seems they've chosen to focus on the busted selection of wigs she's chosen to sport since getting the Smith College first-year womyn's studies major/G.I. Jane coif, although they neglect to mention that this look was shamelessly stolen from Deputy Johnson on "Reno 911!".
On a totally unrelated note, the Post and Daily News are BOTH all over how Pay-Rod and Derek Jeter broke up. The Post got it wrong because the headline SHOULD be "A-ROD COMES OUT".
Labels: Britney Spears, capitalism, celebrities, fuck the Yankees, gross, large exclamatory font, oh the horror, pro-apocalyptic zeitgeist, ridiculous absurdity, vulgar display of faggotry
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DEREK JETER IS NOT GAY! He is one of the hottest pro athletes around, that doesn't make him gay. He's been with Mariah Carey and Miss Universe as well as Jessica Beil, and that would be a lot of trouble to go through just to cover up being gay. DEREK JETER IS FOR SURE STRAIGHT!!!!!!!!!
# posted by 
: 2/20/2007 1:36 PM
: 2/20/2007 1:36 PM
brit looks just like that woman from reno 911 with that wig. it's uncanny.
# posted by : 2/21/2007 8:17 PM
: 2/21/2007 8:17 PM
guys i'm sorry that your having a difficult time to accept that a Professional atheletes, A-Rod and Derek Jeter, like to suck cock.
sorry but their gay
NO DOUBT
END OF DISCUSSION
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sorry but their gay
NO DOUBT
END OF DISCUSSION
# posted by : 3/16/2007 2:43 AM
: 3/16/2007 2:43 AM Links to this post:
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