Saturday, February 24, 2007
Now you can say you've seen it
Last weekend, LL Cool Jew was in town to visit with myself and the rest of her Smith bitches and take care of some wedding business, like laying the smackdown on the inept fucktards at Vera Wang who did a hack job on her dress. You think that when your bridal gown costs as much as a moderately tricked-out Nissan Sentra and it's VERA FUCKING WANG, they would not try to blame their own ineptitude on the bride-to-be by asking, "Have you gained weight since you were measured?" Once it was established that LL Cool Jew actually lost weight since then (and she's a size 2, for God's sake), they declared that heads would roll and she was moving to "the top of ALL the lists" in terms of priority. We decided this must mean that only the third-world children with the most nimble fingers will be stitching it together. Anyway, somehow while we were talking about this, LL Cool Jew turned to me and asked a question. One fun fact about LL Cool Jew is that she used to be a lesbian. And I don't mean she was on the Smith four-year plan. She was a full-on dyke, and she came out of the closet in junior high. At one point she owned a house with her partner. When she and I spent a year sharing an apartment, she was dating my friend KatieScarlett. Then she met BigBagel, and fell in love, and the rest is history. Anyway, because of her established Sapphic history, LL Cool Jew had a question about male anatomy. So naturally, she asked me, who, as a slut and a scientist, has extensive firsthand and professional knowledge of the male nether regions. Also, I am familiar with all the latest in internet celebrity gossip, so her reference did not need to be explained. "Have you seen that picture of Cisco Adler's balls? BigBagel's don't look like that...is he weird or is Cisco Adler?"
I know precisely what picture she was talking about, because it stunned me, as well. I have never seen a set of nards so categorically revolting. I figured the rest of the world had seen this picture and was equally repelled, but apparently not.
I've mentioned this photograph several times, the most recent being this morning while catching up with Morrissey'sHair on the phone, and everyone responds with a blank "huh?" Well, I'm going to end that right now. This is old news, and I'm tired of explaining it. Be sure you haven't eaten recently when you look at this, because it's better than syrup of ipecac for induction of vomiting.
DISGUSTING. It's like he has two asymmetric pendulums between his legs. His scrote is so stretched out that I wonder if his balls are actually made of lead, and their ponderous weight conspired with gravity to drag that shit down like a fucking taffy pull. Making the picture contextually even more horrendous is the fact that he's parading around butt-naked at PARIS HILTON'S HOUSE. The source of this picture was that ParisExposed.com website that was sells the privilege of viewing the auctioned-off items in a storage locker that Paris forgot to pay for, such as video of her singing every racist epithet in the book to the tune of "It's a Small World", doing a mountain of blow off a fat man's chest, and saying "I got fucked in the butt for coke", as well as a receipt for an abortion a miscarriage, a fake ID, her Valtrex prescription, and frightening pictures like the one above. The only conceivable reason I can see for Cisco Adler (who is only famous for looking like a homeless guy and sticking his above stank weiner into the ultra-fug Mischa Barton) being naked at Paris Hilton's house is to swap strains of herpes simplex with her.
And for the record, LL Cool Jew and anyone else who hasn't seen as many testicles up close as I have, that is NOT NORMAL. Most dudes have much smaller scrotums. Sure, there's usually a little give and sway to them, but they do not look like there's two fleshy grandfather clocks ticking away between their legs. Cisco Adler is a freak, and he should get one of the actual celebrities who hangs out with him (no pun intended) to pay for the scrotal lift he so desperately needs. SO HEINOUS!
I know precisely what picture she was talking about, because it stunned me, as well. I have never seen a set of nards so categorically revolting. I figured the rest of the world had seen this picture and was equally repelled, but apparently not.
I've mentioned this photograph several times, the most recent being this morning while catching up with Morrissey'sHair on the phone, and everyone responds with a blank "huh?" Well, I'm going to end that right now. This is old news, and I'm tired of explaining it. Be sure you haven't eaten recently when you look at this, because it's better than syrup of ipecac for induction of vomiting.
DISGUSTING. It's like he has two asymmetric pendulums between his legs. His scrote is so stretched out that I wonder if his balls are actually made of lead, and their ponderous weight conspired with gravity to drag that shit down like a fucking taffy pull. Making the picture contextually even more horrendous is the fact that he's parading around butt-naked at PARIS HILTON'S HOUSE. The source of this picture was that ParisExposed.com website that was sells the privilege of viewing the auctioned-off items in a storage locker that Paris forgot to pay for, such as video of her singing every racist epithet in the book to the tune of "It's a Small World", doing a mountain of blow off a fat man's chest, and saying "I got fucked in the butt for coke", as well as a receipt for And for the record, LL Cool Jew and anyone else who hasn't seen as many testicles up close as I have, that is NOT NORMAL. Most dudes have much smaller scrotums. Sure, there's usually a little give and sway to them, but they do not look like there's two fleshy grandfather clocks ticking away between their legs. Cisco Adler is a freak, and he should get one of the actual celebrities who hangs out with him (no pun intended) to pay for the scrotal lift he so desperately needs. SO HEINOUS!
Labels: celebrities, gross, LL Cool Jew, oh the horror, sex, weiners, you're ugly
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others with similar deformities may find themselves in dr gary alter's office rather than posing for nude pictures:
http://www.altermd.com/Penis%20and%20Scrotal%20Surgery/scrotum_reduction_example.htm
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http://www.altermd.com/Penis%20and%20Scrotal%20Surgery/scrotum_reduction_example.htm
# posted by 
: 2/25/2007 5:16 PM
: 2/25/2007 5:16 PM Links to this post:
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