Thursday, March 15, 2007
College kids binge drink? You're KIDDING me.
Whenever I tell people I go to Columbia, their reaction is usually like, "Oooo, Columbia! That's a great school!" Indeed Columbia is a fine institution of higher learning and for the most part is richly deserving of the status accorded to Ivy League schools. The "Oooo, Columbia!" reaction is also highly preferable to the reaction people have upon hearing that I went to Smith College, which is either "Isn't that all-girls?" or "Is everybody there a lesbian or what?"
The thing about going to fancy schools is that the name carries a lot of weight, but in my experience, they are populated by just as many morons as anywhere else. The only difference is that Ivy League morons are more insufferably elitist and superior (ie: Aleksey Vayner) than the morons who can't brag about going to Columbia/Harvard/Yale/Dartmouth/Penn/Cornell/Brown. In most cases, Columbia doesn't do much else differently than a lot of other accredited, reputable universities. They conduct plenty of what I call No Shit, Sherlock research.
For example, they were just bragging about this study on the Columbia website. It reveals the **shocking** fact that...HALF OF COLLEGE STUDENTS BINGE DRINK! Are you fucking for real? Because I thought that the Smith bitches who would go on the occasional peach schnapps bender were an isolated phenomenon. I had no idea that binge drinking was such a common part of college culture. Nobody ever told me that this sort of thing was going on in college:
I can't believe this type of No Shit, Sherlock study is getting funded and polio is getting a whole big fat wad of NOTHING. I mean, are they actually suggesting that not only do half of college kids get WASTED and think it's fun to do so (which everyone already knows), but that this should actually be stopped? That's BULLSHIT!
I know it's fake news, but this study published in the venerable Onion is the type that SHOULD be getting lots of press. To quote fictional study author Dr. Albert Greaves at U-Ass Amherst (right down Route 9 from good old Smith), "Over the course of our research, a consistent pattern emerged demonstrating that binge drinking seriously kicks ass."
And indeed it does. Columbia needs to get off its high and mighty ass and do something useful instead of spending millions of dollars to tell the world something that's already common knowledge. The fucktards running this ivory tower need to put the money towards curing cancer or AIDS or something we can all benefit from. Are you listening, President Bollinger?
The thing about going to fancy schools is that the name carries a lot of weight, but in my experience, they are populated by just as many morons as anywhere else. The only difference is that Ivy League morons are more insufferably elitist and superior (ie: Aleksey Vayner) than the morons who can't brag about going to Columbia/Harvard/Yale/Dartmouth/Penn/Cornell/Brown. In most cases, Columbia doesn't do much else differently than a lot of other accredited, reputable universities. They conduct plenty of what I call No Shit, Sherlock research.
For example, they were just bragging about this study on the Columbia website. It reveals the **shocking** fact that...HALF OF COLLEGE STUDENTS BINGE DRINK! Are you fucking for real? Because I thought that the Smith bitches who would go on the occasional peach schnapps bender were an isolated phenomenon. I had no idea that binge drinking was such a common part of college culture. Nobody ever told me that this sort of thing was going on in college:
I can't believe this type of No Shit, Sherlock study is getting funded and polio is getting a whole big fat wad of NOTHING. I mean, are they actually suggesting that not only do half of college kids get WASTED and think it's fun to do so (which everyone already knows), but that this should actually be stopped? That's BULLSHIT!
I know it's fake news, but this study published in the venerable Onion is the type that SHOULD be getting lots of press. To quote fictional study author Dr. Albert Greaves at U-Ass Amherst (right down Route 9 from good old Smith), "Over the course of our research, a consistent pattern emerged demonstrating that binge drinking seriously kicks ass."
And indeed it does. Columbia needs to get off its high and mighty ass and do something useful instead of spending millions of dollars to tell the world something that's already common knowledge. The fucktards running this ivory tower need to put the money towards curing cancer or AIDS or something we can all benefit from. Are you listening, President Bollinger?
Labels: alcoholism, Aleksey Vayner, grad school bullshit
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