Friday, March 02, 2007
Different class, same old bullshit
Yesterday I got an email from JerseyGirl:
To: Rack (rack@fashiondesigncompany.com), LL Cool Jew (llcooljew@dirrtydirrtynewspaper.com), FalloniusMonk (fmonk@bighugecorporateexperientialmarketingfirm.com), Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
From: JerseyGirl (jerseygirl@freedomlovingnewsnetwork.com)
this makes me upset. why couldn't we have gloria steinem? as i recall, ll cool jew, you and i had someone named lani gunier and i literally do not remember one word that she spoke. oh yes and then there was the infamous vagina artist. this sucks, i'm jealous.
After getting over my initial amusement that JerseyGirl is still a regular reader of the Sophian five years after her stint as editor-in-chief of that illustrious publication, I experienced indignance of a different sort about my alma mater's choice of commencement speaker. That's the laziest, most uninspired selection of speaker ever. It's even worse than when they booked Judy Chicago, the aforementioned "infamous vagina artist", for my commencement because Jodie Foster bailed at the last minute out of concern that Hollywood's worst kept secret (that she's a dyke) might get out if she wished my class at Ugly Bitch U lots of success. (And incidentally, our Sophian coverage was way better than the boring sycophantic article above; I believe we put the headline "Can you hear the Smithies crying, Claireeeece?" above Foster's picture on the front page.) Scheduling Gloria Steinem is like the people who kiss celebrity ass for commencement speaker gigs didn't even try.
Gloria Steinem, "feminist icon" (which I'm is what she lists as her occupation on her tax return), went to Smith, is on the Smith Board of Trustees, and was always rustling her hideous high-waisted corduroy pants and batik peasant blouses all over campus. I've personally seen Gloria Steinem like 50 fucking times skulking about College Hall. I even dressed up as her for Halloween once. She might as well have been the Smith College mascot. The lazy administrators and trustees on the speaker-choosing committee probably were like, "Hmm...let's see. Madeline Albright? Oh, she's already booked for UNC? Well, what about Hillary Clinton? Oh, right...she's busy running for president. And she went to Wellesley. Bitch. Umm...shit, I can't think of anyone. Fuck it, let's just call up Gloria. I'm sure she's available."
Who really cares about commencement speakers anyway? I found out from her speech last year at Penn that the only thing Jodie Foster would have done was sing Eminem songs at us badly. I ignored Vagina Ashtray's speech at my commencement because she seemed like a busted loser and I didn't need her advice; at LL Cool Jew and JerseyGirl's graduation, I got so staggeringly drunk thanks to FalloniusMonk's toolbox full of Mr. Boston vodka that I fell down several times and fucked Motherbucker's friend Fergus in some bitch's freshly vacated room in Chase House. The only thing I would care about hearing from Gloria is what it was like to be stepmother to the hotness that is Christian Bale for three years, and somehow I doubt she'll cover that. She'll probably lecture everyone about how it's their duty to break the glass ceiling and demand equal pay as our male colleagues and generally be pushy, disagreeable bitches in order to get anywhere, or some similarly useless advice. Lame.
On the bright side, though, I am SO glad that they hired a professional uptight slag to mark the finale of Tej Bindra's matriculation.
To: Rack (rack@fashiondesigncompany.com), LL Cool Jew (llcooljew@dirrtydirrtynewspaper.com), FalloniusMonk (fmonk@bighugecorporateexperientialmarketingfirm.com), Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
From: JerseyGirl (jerseygirl@freedomlovingnewsnetwork.com)
this makes me upset. why couldn't we have gloria steinem? as i recall, ll cool jew, you and i had someone named lani gunier and i literally do not remember one word that she spoke. oh yes and then there was the infamous vagina artist. this sucks, i'm jealous.
After getting over my initial amusement that JerseyGirl is still a regular reader of the Sophian five years after her stint as editor-in-chief of that illustrious publication, I experienced indignance of a different sort about my alma mater's choice of commencement speaker. That's the laziest, most uninspired selection of speaker ever. It's even worse than when they booked Judy Chicago, the aforementioned "infamous vagina artist", for my commencement because Jodie Foster bailed at the last minute out of concern that Hollywood's worst kept secret (that she's a dyke) might get out if she wished my class at Ugly Bitch U lots of success. (And incidentally, our Sophian coverage was way better than the boring sycophantic article above; I believe we put the headline "Can you hear the Smithies crying, Claireeeece?" above Foster's picture on the front page.) Scheduling Gloria Steinem is like the people who kiss celebrity ass for commencement speaker gigs didn't even try.
Gloria Steinem, "feminist icon" (which I'm is what she lists as her occupation on her tax return), went to Smith, is on the Smith Board of Trustees, and was always rustling her hideous high-waisted corduroy pants and batik peasant blouses all over campus. I've personally seen Gloria Steinem like 50 fucking times skulking about College Hall. I even dressed up as her for Halloween once. She might as well have been the Smith College mascot. The lazy administrators and trustees on the speaker-choosing committee probably were like, "Hmm...let's see. Madeline Albright? Oh, she's already booked for UNC? Well, what about Hillary Clinton? Oh, right...she's busy running for president. And she went to Wellesley. Bitch. Umm...shit, I can't think of anyone. Fuck it, let's just call up Gloria. I'm sure she's available."
Who really cares about commencement speakers anyway? I found out from her speech last year at Penn that the only thing Jodie Foster would have done was sing Eminem songs at us badly. I ignored Vagina Ashtray's speech at my commencement because she seemed like a busted loser and I didn't need her advice; at LL Cool Jew and JerseyGirl's graduation, I got so staggeringly drunk thanks to FalloniusMonk's toolbox full of Mr. Boston vodka that I fell down several times and fucked Motherbucker's friend Fergus in some bitch's freshly vacated room in Chase House. The only thing I would care about hearing from Gloria is what it was like to be stepmother to the hotness that is Christian Bale for three years, and somehow I doubt she'll cover that. She'll probably lecture everyone about how it's their duty to break the glass ceiling and demand equal pay as our male colleagues and generally be pushy, disagreeable bitches in order to get anywhere, or some similarly useless advice. Lame.
On the bright side, though, I am SO glad that they hired a professional uptight slag to mark the finale of Tej Bindra's matriculation.
Labels: Dumb Smith bitches, feminazism, overcompensation, you're ugly
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