Tuesday, March 20, 2007
I hate you too, Jared
My high school best friend G-Boner used to watch this show called "My So-Called Life", which didn't last long on TV because it sucked and the lead was played by a butt-ugly man named Claire Danes. Supposedly this show was highly acclaimed, but I hated it because not only was Claire hideous to look at, but her character was called Angela. I hate the name Angela. Yes, I know that Angela is my real name, but I hate it when people call me that. Angela is reserved for uptight and/or old people. For example: Angela "Murder, She Wrote" Lansbury (and by the way, did Cabot Cove, Maine have the highest murder rate in America, or what?), the constantly bitching mother on "Who's the Boss?", and the current prime minister of Germany. Sometimes when people call me Angela I don't even realize they're talking to me at first. My mom doesn't even call me Angela when she's mad at me. I reserve Angela for the signing of important documents, but everyone else is immediately instructed to call me either Angie or Razzy upon meeting me. Angela blows. Anyway, Claire Danes was called Angela on that show, and her fug ass was always making out with this pretty boy, Jordan Catalano, played by Jared Leto. "My So-Called Life" released a pox upon this planet by giving Jared Leto his big break and turning him into the fingerless glove-wearing assclown he is today.
For some reason, Jared Leto's performance as a girlie boy who was attracted to Claire Danes's manly physique despite his unbelievable status as a campus baller led to numerous supporting roles in Hollywood, such as Colin Farrell's boy fuck-toy in Alexander and Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend for about two seconds. Now, he's decided he's a rock star, and up until this past weekend was letting everyone know by rocking edgy layers in his hair and wearing lots of black eyeliner and nail polish. Presumably he's hoping that everyone forgot what Robert Smith was doing circa 1993 and thus think that he's original. News flash, asshole: we all know about Hot Topic, and you didn't discover it. They opened one at the Tacoma Mall when I was 14, for God's sake. In the course of this, he's also decided to start shooting his mouth off in order to stir up controversy and hopefully get some attention for his shiteous band, 30 Seconds to Finished. Oh, wait, that's his bedroom technique. His band's called 30 Seconds to Mars. Pretty much everyone wishes he would go there, because his band SUCKS.
Anyway, although he's a fan of the hipster photoblogs (ie: NERVE.com) who gullibly fall for his schtick and laud his "talent", and likes to surf the net, and allegedly slept with MySpace whore Tila Tequila, he hates bloggers. This is because almost every sensible blogger in the world that's ever written about him characterizes him as an emasculated C-list douchebag poseur, which is exactly what he is. Stung by the far-reaching criticism, last year Jared lashed out, saying:
The most ridiculous statement he makes, however, concerns his comparison of blogging to parachute pants as though he is some sort of fashionista. First off, it's a shame that parachute pants went out of style, because they were cool. Second, obviously Jared is paying attention to what bloggers were saying about his look, because at the South by Southwest festival in Texas this past week, he changed it up. If I wasn't taking him seriously when he looked like Pete Wentz's goth girlfriend, I sure as hell am not going to do so when he looks like a homeless veteran begging for change at a freeway off-ramp.
All the blogosphere was questioning his masculinity, so I guess he thought he'd butch it up by not shaving or waxing his eyebrows, and hitting up his local army-navy surplus for not one but TWO patterns of ill-fitting camo: classic forest and southeast Asian jungle. As an afterthought, he reached under his seat on the flight to Austin for SXSW and stole his life preserver to accessorize. Judging by the fact that he wrapped the plastic my late grandmother used to employ to protect her perm in rainy weather around his head, he's expecting a water landing.
Seriously, there is only room enough for one famous Jared in this world, and the above fucktard isn't it. I googled Jared to see whether or not he's the world's most notable person of that name, and guess what? After the jewelry store, there's only one truly notable Jared on the internets...THIS GUY.
Yes, Jared from Subway has achieved far more lasting fame and notoriety just by eating subway sandwiches and ceasing to be a fat tub of lard than Jared Leto could by taking himself seriously and trying to insinuate that he's better than me or anyone else who takes time to publish their useless bullshit online. Probably as many people read my blog as bought a 30 Seconds to Being Yesterday's News CD (I can't imagine that more than 300 people paid for this crap), so Jared Leto can go fuck himself. Which he probably does regularly, since Lohan dumped his bitch ass (and that in itself is pretty fucking pathetic)! Even Tila Tequila didn't go back for seconds and she'd fuck anyone with over 5000 MySpace friends. Jordan Catalano needs to make like "My So-Called Life" and get CANCELLED.
For some reason, Jared Leto's performance as a girlie boy who was attracted to Claire Danes's manly physique despite his unbelievable status as a campus baller led to numerous supporting roles in Hollywood, such as Colin Farrell's boy fuck-toy in Alexander and Lindsay Lohan's boyfriend for about two seconds. Now, he's decided he's a rock star, and up until this past weekend was letting everyone know by rocking edgy layers in his hair and wearing lots of black eyeliner and nail polish. Presumably he's hoping that everyone forgot what Robert Smith was doing circa 1993 and thus think that he's original. News flash, asshole: we all know about Hot Topic, and you didn't discover it. They opened one at the Tacoma Mall when I was 14, for God's sake. In the course of this, he's also decided to start shooting his mouth off in order to stir up controversy and hopefully get some attention for his shiteous band, 30 Seconds to Finished. Oh, wait, that's his bedroom technique. His band's called 30 Seconds to Mars. Pretty much everyone wishes he would go there, because his band SUCKS.
“I think that blogs should die a sudden death. It’s just ridiculous. It’s like a playground for four-year-olds. People say and do things in the world of blogs that they would never do in real life, and I think it’s a false experience…The blog is yesterday’s parachute pants. It’s here now but it’s gone tomorrow.”I see no need to defend the blogosphere against Jared's assertions concerning the staying power of blogs or address his specific charges, since they don't even really make sense. Clearly analogies are not his strong point, since four-year-olds don't typically spend a lot of time writing lengthy treatises on useless bullshit on their playgrounds, and any fucktard who dresses like a hipster version of the vampire Lestat and whose CDs are sold on the same shelf as Fall Out Boy's lacks credibility in the veracity-of-experience judging department. Furthermore, I'd gladly tell him to his face that I think he's an overcompensating and insincere hack with zero talent as either musician or actor, and I'll expect to see his bitch ass desperately seeking work on next season of "Dancing with the Stars." In fact, if I ever run into him around the city, telling him so will be my first order of business.
The most ridiculous statement he makes, however, concerns his comparison of blogging to parachute pants as though he is some sort of fashionista. First off, it's a shame that parachute pants went out of style, because they were cool. Second, obviously Jared is paying attention to what bloggers were saying about his look, because at the South by Southwest festival in Texas this past week, he changed it up. If I wasn't taking him seriously when he looked like Pete Wentz's goth girlfriend, I sure as hell am not going to do so when he looks like a homeless veteran begging for change at a freeway off-ramp.
Seriously, there is only room enough for one famous Jared in this world, and the above fucktard isn't it. I googled Jared to see whether or not he's the world's most notable person of that name, and guess what? After the jewelry store, there's only one truly notable Jared on the internets...THIS GUY.
Labels: assholes, celebrities, media whores, overcompensation, ranting, retard rage, scathing indictments, you're ugly
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My Socalled Life was one of the best shows in the history of TV and have you ever listened to 30 sec to Mars? They're much more original than the massmarketed Fallout Boy type stuff and Jared Leto's a better lyricist than he is an actor I think!
# posted by 
: 3/20/2007 6:28 PM
: 3/20/2007 6:28 PM
Agree with you on Jared and that skank, waste of human flesh, Claire Daines.
Liked the show though.
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Liked the show though.
# posted by : 3/21/2007 8:58 AM
: 3/21/2007 8:58 AM Links to this post:
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