Tuesday, April 03, 2007
I wash my hands of Perez
It's official. I'm finished with Perez Hilton.
Months ago, BigBagel turned me on to this gossip website, saying something along the lines of "You will want to read it all, it is so good."
Indeed it was. Unlike The Superficial, another gossip site I like, Perez updated his site like 30 times a day. There was always something new and funny there, and Perez had no mercy regarding celebrity dirt.
Unfortunately, a lot of other people started reading it, too. Then Perez started getting requests for interviews, and a reality show, and bit acting roles (as himself), and lots of attention. This resulted in Perez no longer covering gossip about celebrities NEARLY as much as about himself. I started getting bored. I don't care what kind of clubby gay music or Brit pop Perez likes, and I don't care what hotel he stayed in on his last trip to London, and I don't care who dyed his hair purple or who dressed him in whatever shitshow of a purple blazer he decided to wear on the red carpet at the Cottonelle toilet paper launch party or whatever other Q-list events he frequents. Perez Hilton stopped being "celebrity juice, not from concentrate" and more along the lines of "Perez Hilton's social calendar and taste in music."
What really ended it for me, though, was Perez's constant harping on the ABC to fire "Gray's Anatomy" actor Isaiah Washington for repeatedly calling his co-star T.R. Knight a faggot. Not that I approve of hate slurs in the workplace, or, for that matter, anything regarding "Gray's Anatomy", but I can't stand hypocrites. All of a sudden, Perez, the self-proclaimed "Queen of all Media" decided he was the outraged voice of the gay community, in spite of his CONSTANT use of the same word, and his constant outing of everyone under the sun. I believe that at one point Perez called T.R. Knight a faggot, too, but supposedly in the context of speculating about his sexuality based on unsubstantiated rumors, that's okay. Perez claims that forced outing is necessary to improve the standing for famous gay people everywhere, and insists that it is his duty to report candidly as a great service to the gay and lesbian communities. He says that he asks nothing more of these people than honesty. He claims to despise those who are dishonest, such as X17, the paparazzi agency that is suing him for copyright infringement to the tune of $7.5 million. As Perez notes, "Instead of wanting me as a friend or ally, you choose to be a cunt. CUNT! And I don't wanna work with cunts! And liars! And unethical people!"
Well, take a look in the fucking mirror, piglet. Perez has been uncharacteristically quiet about the fact that back when he was Mario Lavandeira, he was spreading some lies of his own. On the gay cruising site Manhunt.net, Perez's profile surfaced featuring some very NSFW, and might I add, outdated pictures of himself, as well as some straight-up LIES. I feel it's MY duty to the gay community, and the community of internet gossip junkies, to point this out, in an homage to Perez's unique style, of course.
First, how about these pictures he posted? They show a physically fit, handsome specimen that any self-respecting gay man cruising the internet for anonymous sex would love to meet in a Christopher Street bathhouse:
Too bad that's NOT what Mario looks like these days! It seems he's kicked his meth habit since he moved to West Hollywood, and has replaced it with a burrito habit, because he is FUCKING FAT. Here he is with his favorite fag hag and namesake, Paris Hilton. Interestingly, despite Perez's professions that he has no mercy concerning celebrity gossip, you never hear a peep out of him about Paris or any of her idiotic transgressions. Presumably he'd be kicked off the media whore party circuit if he were to mention what a fucking scourge to society this prostitute is. His convictions about reporting are obviously expendable if they might impact his lame social life.
Feed Nicole? That shirt/tarpaulin would be more useful to society if it said "Starve Perez."
Now, however, we come to the most egregious falsehood of the entire personal ad:
I know the print is small, but note where it states, "very fit, work out 5x a week, packing almost 11 inches, and I know how to use it." First of all, dude only works out 5x a week if lifting a spoon filled with Haagen-Dazs to his mouth is considered exercise. Second, he provides definitive evidence in the same profile that his ass is NOT packing "almost 11 inches", unless "almost" implies a 6-7 inch discrepancy:
LIAR! You know how disappointed any gay man cruising Manhunt for a "fantastic meg top" will be when he realizes that Perez is categorically untruthful about virtually EVERYTHING? The only dudes who might not be disappointed are the ones looking to get some "Pig Play."
I am finished with this bitch. Dlisted and The Superficial are better for gossip anyway, since neither's author spends most of their time raving about Amy Winehouse or Mika (who cares?) and bragging about their pathetic grasp at celebrity parasite. You're dead to me, Perez!
Months ago, BigBagel turned me on to this gossip website, saying something along the lines of "You will want to read it all, it is so good."
Indeed it was. Unlike The Superficial, another gossip site I like, Perez updated his site like 30 times a day. There was always something new and funny there, and Perez had no mercy regarding celebrity dirt.
Unfortunately, a lot of other people started reading it, too. Then Perez started getting requests for interviews, and a reality show, and bit acting roles (as himself), and lots of attention. This resulted in Perez no longer covering gossip about celebrities NEARLY as much as about himself. I started getting bored. I don't care what kind of clubby gay music or Brit pop Perez likes, and I don't care what hotel he stayed in on his last trip to London, and I don't care who dyed his hair purple or who dressed him in whatever shitshow of a purple blazer he decided to wear on the red carpet at the Cottonelle toilet paper launch party or whatever other Q-list events he frequents. Perez Hilton stopped being "celebrity juice, not from concentrate" and more along the lines of "Perez Hilton's social calendar and taste in music."
What really ended it for me, though, was Perez's constant harping on the ABC to fire "Gray's Anatomy" actor Isaiah Washington for repeatedly calling his co-star T.R. Knight a faggot. Not that I approve of hate slurs in the workplace, or, for that matter, anything regarding "Gray's Anatomy", but I can't stand hypocrites. All of a sudden, Perez, the self-proclaimed "Queen of all Media" decided he was the outraged voice of the gay community, in spite of his CONSTANT use of the same word, and his constant outing of everyone under the sun. I believe that at one point Perez called T.R. Knight a faggot, too, but supposedly in the context of speculating about his sexuality based on unsubstantiated rumors, that's okay. Perez claims that forced outing is necessary to improve the standing for famous gay people everywhere, and insists that it is his duty to report candidly as a great service to the gay and lesbian communities. He says that he asks nothing more of these people than honesty. He claims to despise those who are dishonest, such as X17, the paparazzi agency that is suing him for copyright infringement to the tune of $7.5 million. As Perez notes, "Instead of wanting me as a friend or ally, you choose to be a cunt. CUNT! And I don't wanna work with cunts! And liars! And unethical people!"
Well, take a look in the fucking mirror, piglet. Perez has been uncharacteristically quiet about the fact that back when he was Mario Lavandeira, he was spreading some lies of his own. On the gay cruising site Manhunt.net, Perez's profile surfaced featuring some very NSFW, and might I add, outdated pictures of himself, as well as some straight-up LIES. I feel it's MY duty to the gay community, and the community of internet gossip junkies, to point this out, in an homage to Perez's unique style, of course.
First, how about these pictures he posted? They show a physically fit, handsome specimen that any self-respecting gay man cruising the internet for anonymous sex would love to meet in a Christopher Street bathhouse:
Too bad that's NOT what Mario looks like these days! It seems he's kicked his meth habit since he moved to West Hollywood, and has replaced it with a burrito habit, because he is FUCKING FAT. Here he is with his favorite fag hag and namesake, Paris Hilton. Interestingly, despite Perez's professions that he has no mercy concerning celebrity gossip, you never hear a peep out of him about Paris or any of her idiotic transgressions. Presumably he'd be kicked off the media whore party circuit if he were to mention what a fucking scourge to society this prostitute is. His convictions about reporting are obviously expendable if they might impact his lame social life.
Feed Nicole? That shirt/tarpaulin would be more useful to society if it said "Starve Perez."
Now, however, we come to the most egregious falsehood of the entire personal ad:
I know the print is small, but note where it states, "very fit, work out 5x a week, packing almost 11 inches, and I know how to use it." First of all, dude only works out 5x a week if lifting a spoon filled with Haagen-Dazs to his mouth is considered exercise. Second, he provides definitive evidence in the same profile that his ass is NOT packing "almost 11 inches", unless "almost" implies a 6-7 inch discrepancy:
LIAR! You know how disappointed any gay man cruising Manhunt for a "fantastic meg top" will be when he realizes that Perez is categorically untruthful about virtually EVERYTHING? The only dudes who might not be disappointed are the ones looking to get some "Pig Play."
I am finished with this bitch. Dlisted and The Superficial are better for gossip anyway, since neither's author spends most of their time raving about Amy Winehouse or Mika (who cares?) and bragging about their pathetic grasp at celebrity parasite. You're dead to me, Perez!
Labels: assholes, celebrities, intentional buffoonery, internet domination, overcompensation, ranting, retard rage, sluts, vulgar display of faggotry, you're ugly
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You know I never even heard of perez hilton until you mentioned it here. I guess there is no such thing as bad press. By the way...I would be surprised if you don't find similar levels of hypocracy, and lies buried in the backgrounds of almost every gossip columnist in the world. The very nature of the job is to spew forth bullshit. Benzo
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# posted by 
: 4/03/2007 12:15 PM
: 4/03/2007 12:15 PM Links to this post:
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