Friday, April 20, 2007
My friendly neighborhood torture rapist
Although he still hasn't been apprehended, the cops now know who my neighborhood torture rapist is, since he apparently left some of his little soldiers in his victim. In spite off his lengthy career as a criminal, I guess he has yet to learn about DNA. He is a 30-year-old homeless ex-con named William Roberts, or Billy Bobs, as I like to call him:
As much as the terms "homeless ex-con" and "torture rapist" are repellant to me, I have to admit that Billy Bobs is actually kind of cute. Well, "kind of cute" given that he's a criminal monster who has spent most of his life in the custody of the state of New York. The Post is reporting that although his juvey records are sealed, in 1992 he killed someone in the Bronx when he was 15. He did eight years for that. In 1999-2000, he did some time at a mental health facility for shooting someone in Manhattan. His criminal record contains a smattering of assorted other convictions for robbery, minor assault, and public transportation turnstile jumping. Most recently, in January he was released after doing four months for getting into a fight with some dude at the 3rd Avenue L train stop and breaking his wrist.
Also detracting from Billy Bobs's surprisingly attractive phenotype is his height, or lack thereof. Before the cops did his DNA workup and identified him, the police sketches told us that he was 6'1". I guess the victim wasn't in such a good position to judge his height, because this dude is ACTUALLY 5'5". No wonder he's into rape; the Napoleonic motherfucker probably has a stubby little dick too.
The dedicated detectives of the elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit are currently scouring the city's subway stations and homeless shelters in their hunt for Billy Bobs. My bet is that he'll be cooling his heels and tending to his freshly violated asshole in a cell at Riker's come start-of-business Monday.
And if I run into him sleeping at St. Nicholas Park, I'm going to call the cops and then kick the shit out of him while waiting for them to arrive. He's only got two inches and forty pounds on me, and I have stiletto heels, which those who have had the pleasure of watching Single White Female know can serve as quite a formidable weapon. Advantage Razzy.
Also detracting from Billy Bobs's surprisingly attractive phenotype is his height, or lack thereof. Before the cops did his DNA workup and identified him, the police sketches told us that he was 6'1". I guess the victim wasn't in such a good position to judge his height, because this dude is ACTUALLY 5'5". No wonder he's into rape; the Napoleonic motherfucker probably has a stubby little dick too.
The dedicated detectives of the elite squad known as the Special Victims Unit are currently scouring the city's subway stations and homeless shelters in their hunt for Billy Bobs. My bet is that he'll be cooling his heels and tending to his freshly violated asshole in a cell at Riker's come start-of-business Monday.
And if I run into him sleeping at St. Nicholas Park, I'm going to call the cops and then kick the shit out of him while waiting for them to arrive. He's only got two inches and forty pounds on me, and I have stiletto heels, which those who have had the pleasure of watching Single White Female know can serve as quite a formidable weapon. Advantage Razzy.
Labels: crime and punishment, NYC, sexual assault
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