Monday, May 28, 2007
Alexyss K. Tylor is the greatest woman who ever lived
In the course of my internet wanderings, I found out about what may be the most awesome thing ever to grace Public Access cable. It's even more awesome than the Robyn Byrd Show here in Nueva York, which is basically free stripping and porn in the form of 900 number ads. Robyn Byrd, however, is busted, and most of the strippers she has on the show look like they're well past what should be a mandatory retirement age for those who make a professional living dropping trou. All the chicks have these hideous tit jobs that look like they had NFL regulation footballs shoved under their pectoral muscles, and the gay male strippers look like their noses have been exposed to one too many nitrate poppers. They had this chick in there the other night who looked like she was about 50, and who I seriously thought was a man until she showed her cooch. If she was an M2F tranny, she had a killer surgeon, but she should have had them touch up her face while she was in the O.R., because I cannot imagine wanting a lap dance from that hot mess. However, nasty strippers aside, I've always liked Robyn Byrd. In spite of her being hideously ugly, she's got a lot of spunk (no pun intended) and she's battled extensively for her right to show all sorts of titties, weiners, and trannies on Public Access, and I love bitches who give censorship the finger, take the prudish assholes to court, and win. Yay, free speech!
Anyway, I forgot all about any redeeming qualities Robyn Byrd might have to offer when the internets introduced me to Alexyss K. Tylor. This woman hosts a public access show in Atlanta, in which she preaches the gospel of "Vagina Power," and encourages women not to get "dickmatized" by men and their nefarious "penis power." A sample of a typical Alexyss K. Tylor kernel of wisdom:
In her most recent installment, Alexyss takes issue with the fact that she's received correspondence criticizing the way she talks. After a ten minute soliloquy about how she talks like a woman from Bankhead (like T.I.!) and how it's perfectly natural to use words like "dick" and "pussy" and "asshole," she contrasts herself with an educated professor at Spelman College who was caught exposing himself and presumably masturbating in front of another man in the bathroom at some regional airport, and asks who the REAL villain is. Is it her, for being uneducated and speaking in her snappy ghetto dialect, or is it this educated man who "is a professor by day and a dicksucker and a dick and nut puller-outer by night, or part-time." Furthermore, to up her respectability quotient, she decided to dress like a sexpert AND a commercial airline pilot. I can't even do real justice to Alexyss K. Tylor, so you just have to watch her in action. This YouTube is somewhat long, but it's worth every last hot second:
Seriously, this woman should be the fucking president. I LOVE HER.
Anyway, I forgot all about any redeeming qualities Robyn Byrd might have to offer when the internets introduced me to Alexyss K. Tylor. This woman hosts a public access show in Atlanta, in which she preaches the gospel of "Vagina Power," and encourages women not to get "dickmatized" by men and their nefarious "penis power." A sample of a typical Alexyss K. Tylor kernel of wisdom:
"We're hooked on the Penis Power and this man won't even buy you some shrimp from Long John Silver and that plate's what, $2.99? But he can give you a mouth full of sperm and a rectum full of sperm. We have to see what our issue is, because a man like that does not respect a woman."AMEN, sister! You said it. I've been hooked on this type of Penis Power myself on occasion, and it's just a shame I didn't know about Alexyss K. Tylor then to cure my dickmatization. The Vagina Power movement is spreading, because on Friday I was out with KatieScarlett and BloodyTosser, and we spent a good 45 minutes discussing Alexyss K. Tylor. She may be the greatest feminist mind who ever walked planet Earth.
In her most recent installment, Alexyss takes issue with the fact that she's received correspondence criticizing the way she talks. After a ten minute soliloquy about how she talks like a woman from Bankhead (like T.I.!) and how it's perfectly natural to use words like "dick" and "pussy" and "asshole," she contrasts herself with an educated professor at Spelman College who was caught exposing himself and presumably masturbating in front of another man in the bathroom at some regional airport, and asks who the REAL villain is. Is it her, for being uneducated and speaking in her snappy ghetto dialect, or is it this educated man who "is a professor by day and a dicksucker and a dick and nut puller-outer by night, or part-time." Furthermore, to up her respectability quotient, she decided to dress like a sexpert AND a commercial airline pilot. I can't even do real justice to Alexyss K. Tylor, so you just have to watch her in action. This YouTube is somewhat long, but it's worth every last hot second:
"I don't know if he wants them nuts in his butts, or if he wants them balls in his jaws, but he starts BEGGIN' the man, PLEASE give him some dick and nuts."
Seriously, this woman should be the fucking president. I LOVE HER.
Labels: Alexyss K Tylor, free fucking speech, hot chicks, I LOVE IT, perversion, sex, weiners
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