Thursday, May 10, 2007
Bad news from the tumor virus front
I was reading an article BigBagel sent me about Paris Hilton on the BBC website when I noticed an article that piqued my interest. In fact, it is currently the second most read article on the whole of the BBC's site. Needless to say, it did little for my unchecked Paris-related rage besides convert it into stark concern about my health:
Crap...it looks like HPV can tumor up your throat as well as your cooch. You know all those commercials for the HPV vaccine featuring a bunch of fugly chicks that are like, "Cancer?! FROM A VIRUS?! I had no idea that a VIRUS could cause CANCER! I'm going to tell every bitch I know!" Unlike those dumb bitches in the vaccine ad, I've known all about the link between human papillomavirus and cervical cancer for a long time (Chingy!'s old dogsitter used to work on how the E6 viral protein acts as a ubiquitin ligase to target several important proteins for proteasomal degradation, thus enabling oncogenesis and metastasis), but why haven't I heard about this blowjob risk? They need to have a Gardasil-hawking commercial about that!
It seems your risk increases by almost an entire order of magnitude if you've blown more than six people. Guilty as charged on that count. Even worse, blowjobs are even riskier than smoking! I've done a lot of both, although on the bright side I've smoked exponentially more cigarettes than cocks, as I'm not quite so slutty as to suck twenty cocks a day for ten years. Regardless, it's pretty fucked up that my decade-long pack-a-day habit is something to cheer about, so it looks like I should just put money down now for one of those microphone thingies you have to use when they remove your voice box.
Does this mean that now I need to start throwing a pre-fellatio raincoat over dudes' dicks? My colleagues in the virology business are probably about to shame me for my flagrant irresponsibility, but I hate giving head to weiners with a condom on them. First off, you haven't tasted bitter misery until you've gotten an accidental mouthwash of nonoxynol-9. Second, even the non-spermicidal generic lube tastes like ass. And third, from a technical perspective which I will not go into detail about, condoms complicate some of my signature blowjob moves. This study is grave news, indeed.
Crap...it looks like HPV can tumor up your throat as well as your cooch. You know all those commercials for the HPV vaccine featuring a bunch of fugly chicks that are like, "Cancer?! FROM A VIRUS?! I had no idea that a VIRUS could cause CANCER! I'm going to tell every bitch I know!" Unlike those dumb bitches in the vaccine ad, I've known all about the link between human papillomavirus and cervical cancer for a long time (Chingy!'s old dogsitter used to work on how the E6 viral protein acts as a ubiquitin ligase to target several important proteins for proteasomal degradation, thus enabling oncogenesis and metastasis), but why haven't I heard about this blowjob risk? They need to have a Gardasil-hawking commercial about that!
It seems your risk increases by almost an entire order of magnitude if you've blown more than six people. Guilty as charged on that count. Even worse, blowjobs are even riskier than smoking! I've done a lot of both, although on the bright side I've smoked exponentially more cigarettes than cocks, as I'm not quite so slutty as to suck twenty cocks a day for ten years. Regardless, it's pretty fucked up that my decade-long pack-a-day habit is something to cheer about, so it looks like I should just put money down now for one of those microphone thingies you have to use when they remove your voice box.
Does this mean that now I need to start throwing a pre-fellatio raincoat over dudes' dicks? My colleagues in the virology business are probably about to shame me for my flagrant irresponsibility, but I hate giving head to weiners with a condom on them. First off, you haven't tasted bitter misery until you've gotten an accidental mouthwash of nonoxynol-9. Second, even the non-spermicidal generic lube tastes like ass. And third, from a technical perspective which I will not go into detail about, condoms complicate some of my signature blowjob moves. This study is grave news, indeed.
Labels: epidemic geekery, oh the horror, perversion, science, sex, sluts, viruses rule
Comments:
Links to this post:
<< Home
have not read this article, but i doubt that every 6 blow jobs put you at an additional order of magnitude higher risk of getting throat cancer. you are probably benefitting from the leveling out of the curve at this point. no offense.
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 5/12/2007 7:41 PM
: 5/12/2007 7:41 PM 
Links to this post:
<< Home
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
