Monday, May 21, 2007
Bard College's finest
J-Sexy went to Bard, and we sometimes when we're bored in lab (ie: I'm killing mice for their tibias and she's setting up yet another real-time PCR shitshow) we'll have a debate over which of our overpriced liberal arts alma maters have graduated more famous alums. I always come right out of the gate with the notable feminists.
"Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan went to Smith," I said.
"Dumb cows," J-Sexy will respond. "Chevy Chase went to Bard."
"Julia Child, the high priestess of French cuisine, went to Smith."
"Christopher Guest went to Bard. So did Herb Ritts."
"Sylvia Plath went to Smith."
"No wonder that bitch was so depressed. The Beastie Boys went to Bard."
It's pretty hard to beat MCA, Adrock, and Mike D, even when I take points away because they dropped out. This is where I typically start to lose the alumni challenge.
"Margaret Mitchell, who wrote Gone With the Wind, went to Smith. So did Molly Ivins, and so did the bitch who wrote A Wrinkle in Time: Madeline L'Engle."
"JR Ewing from 'Dallas' went to Bard."
"Barbara Bush and Nancy Reagan went to Smith."
"Well, that band you like went to Bard. The one named after the vibrator."
"That's not fair! You didn't even know who Steely Dan was until I told you."
"Well, I don't see any famous songs written about Smith."
At this point the competition usually ends, either in a debate about whether it's good sportsmanship for J-Sexy to drop Steely Dan's name, considering that she would never have heard of them if it weren't for me turning on "My Old School" in lab and saying, "Dude, this song is about Bard. Hear that? They just gave a shout-out to Annandale."
Anyway, J-Sexy continued to one-up me via e-mail yesterday. I received this in my inbox at the crack of dawn:
From: J-Sexy (jsexy@columbia.edu)
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
Subject: ny1
i hope you watch the news today. one of those cops arrested for
stealing went to college with me briefly. Miguel Castillo dropped
out of school after his 1st year to go join the Marines, and now
he's a crooked cop. Damn!
I immediately went to the internets to see for myself, as NY1 took a minute to get to that story and I grew impatient. Fortunately, the Post's website had pictures of the infamous Miguel Castillo.
The first impression I get looking at this guy is that he's not winning any prizes for being brainy. He looks confused, and he also looks like he's the type where confusion invariably leads to violent outbursts of rage. I can almost hear him saying, those little piggy eyes glistening with unchecked anger, "What are YOU lookin' at, bitch?" He's the type who would beat up a partially disabled old granny on the street with her own walker for purportedly mean-mugging him. Thank God he's not going to be a cop anymore, because he would be the kind of cop who beats you with his nightstick while arresting you just to feel a little more secure with himself. HotLawyer once told me that there's only two kinds of people who become cops: those who bullied kids in grade school, and those who were bullied. I'm betting Miguel here was one of the bullied ones, and you know there would have been all sorts of Amadou Diallo/Sean Bell type of police brutality going on with him if he hadn't fucked up his career in law enforcement.
It seems that after a stint in the Marines, Miguel joined up with New York's finest and met another member of the NYPD with criminal inclinations. They decided to go rob an East Rutherford, New Jersey drug dealer, and the whole plan went to shit. Their dastardly criminal plot first hit a snag when the drug dealer turned out to be at home and they got into some type of altercation with him outside, which caught a neighbor's attention. The neighbor confronted them, and they gave him some ridiculous story about conducting a "terrorism investigation." The neighbor thought they were idiots, and called the East Rutherford PD. Miguel and his co-conspirator took off, but were stopped shortly after by the responding police, who discovered that they couldn't keep their stories straight, and that they had a crowbar, sledge hammer, and assorted other burglary-related items in the car. They are currently being held in the Bergen County clink on $1 million bail, with no ten percent cash option. It's doubtful Miguel or his winner of a friend could cough up 100 large in greenbacks anyway, so it looks like they'll stay there.
I may just pull ahead in the "famous alum" contest, because I can't think of any incompetent robbers/crooked cops who went to Smith. Then again, this guy isn't really an alumnus of Bard, since he dropped out. But if J-Sexy gets to count the Beastie Boys, then I think she has to count former Officer Castillo here too. In any event, crooked cops from Bard College mean bright prospects for the superiority of crusty old feminists and former first ladies in our lab.
"Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan went to Smith," I said.
"Dumb cows," J-Sexy will respond. "Chevy Chase went to Bard."
"Julia Child, the high priestess of French cuisine, went to Smith."
"Christopher Guest went to Bard. So did Herb Ritts."
"Sylvia Plath went to Smith."
"No wonder that bitch was so depressed. The Beastie Boys went to Bard."
It's pretty hard to beat MCA, Adrock, and Mike D, even when I take points away because they dropped out. This is where I typically start to lose the alumni challenge.
"Margaret Mitchell, who wrote Gone With the Wind, went to Smith. So did Molly Ivins, and so did the bitch who wrote A Wrinkle in Time: Madeline L'Engle."
"JR Ewing from 'Dallas' went to Bard."
"Barbara Bush and Nancy Reagan went to Smith."
"Well, that band you like went to Bard. The one named after the vibrator."
"That's not fair! You didn't even know who Steely Dan was until I told you."
"Well, I don't see any famous songs written about Smith."
At this point the competition usually ends, either in a debate about whether it's good sportsmanship for J-Sexy to drop Steely Dan's name, considering that she would never have heard of them if it weren't for me turning on "My Old School" in lab and saying, "Dude, this song is about Bard. Hear that? They just gave a shout-out to Annandale."
Anyway, J-Sexy continued to one-up me via e-mail yesterday. I received this in my inbox at the crack of dawn:
From: J-Sexy (jsexy@columbia.edu)
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
Subject: ny1
i hope you watch the news today. one of those cops arrested for
stealing went to college with me briefly. Miguel Castillo dropped
out of school after his 1st year to go join the Marines, and now
he's a crooked cop. Damn!
I immediately went to the internets to see for myself, as NY1 took a minute to get to that story and I grew impatient. Fortunately, the Post's website had pictures of the infamous Miguel Castillo.
It seems that after a stint in the Marines, Miguel joined up with New York's finest and met another member of the NYPD with criminal inclinations. They decided to go rob an East Rutherford, New Jersey drug dealer, and the whole plan went to shit. Their dastardly criminal plot first hit a snag when the drug dealer turned out to be at home and they got into some type of altercation with him outside, which caught a neighbor's attention. The neighbor confronted them, and they gave him some ridiculous story about conducting a "terrorism investigation." The neighbor thought they were idiots, and called the East Rutherford PD. Miguel and his co-conspirator took off, but were stopped shortly after by the responding police, who discovered that they couldn't keep their stories straight, and that they had a crowbar, sledge hammer, and assorted other burglary-related items in the car. They are currently being held in the Bergen County clink on $1 million bail, with no ten percent cash option. It's doubtful Miguel or his winner of a friend could cough up 100 large in greenbacks anyway, so it looks like they'll stay there.
I may just pull ahead in the "famous alum" contest, because I can't think of any incompetent robbers/crooked cops who went to Smith. Then again, this guy isn't really an alumnus of Bard, since he dropped out. But if J-Sexy gets to count the Beastie Boys, then I think she has to count former Officer Castillo here too. In any event, crooked cops from Bard College mean bright prospects for the superiority of crusty old feminists and former first ladies in our lab.
Labels: assholes, crime and punishment, HotLawyer, intentional buffoonery, J-Sexy, overcompensation, retard rage
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dude, i'd rather hang with a dumb-as-a-dish-towel crook than some undersexed pretentious feminazi...it seems a tad less vomit-inducing. Heil Annandale!!
# posted by 
: 5/24/2007 6:25 PM
: 5/24/2007 6:25 PM
Larry Hagman (of "I Dream Of Genie" and "Dallas") graduated from Bard. So did Billy Steinberg, the songwriter who wrote "Like A Virgin", "True Colors", "I Touch Myself", all that 80s crap. Also Chris Claremont, who wrote all those classic issues of the "X-Men" comic book. According to the book, Jean Grey (Phoenix) is buried in Bard's graveyard. The graveyard doesn't look anywhere near as cool in real life is it does in the comic book, though.
Bonus points: Edward Albee taught there, and "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf" was set in a building that I lived in (the employee apartments in the ex-dorm now named Albee.)
More than you wanted to know: Dylan hung out at Bard. The song "Desolation Row" was inspired by Stone Row, an imposing block of dorms. The song "Subterranean Homesick Blues" references Annandale a few times... "The Pump don't work cause the vandal stole the handle" is the pump on Annandale triangle (the handle was still missing when I was there in the 80s) and "Danny's in the basement, mixing up the medicine" is a guy who used to make acid in the basement of Adolph's, a bar on Annandale Triangle.
By the way, the year before I graduated, Chevy Chase came back and made the funniest fuckin' commencement speech I have ever heard.
Bonus points: Edward Albee taught there, and "Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf" was set in a building that I lived in (the employee apartments in the ex-dorm now named Albee.)
More than you wanted to know: Dylan hung out at Bard. The song "Desolation Row" was inspired by Stone Row, an imposing block of dorms. The song "Subterranean Homesick Blues" references Annandale a few times... "The Pump don't work cause the vandal stole the handle" is the pump on Annandale triangle (the handle was still missing when I was there in the 80s) and "Danny's in the basement, mixing up the medicine" is a guy who used to make acid in the basement of Adolph's, a bar on Annandale Triangle.
By the way, the year before I graduated, Chevy Chase came back and made the funniest fuckin' commencement speech I have ever heard.
Oh, wait, you had Larry Hagman already. Sorry.
Hey, the steely dan song "Barrytown" is about Bard, too. Barrytown is 5 minutes up the road from Annandale.
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Hey, the steely dan song "Barrytown" is about Bard, too. Barrytown is 5 minutes up the road from Annandale.
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