Thursday, May 17, 2007
A blow for Darwinism
In spite of the fact that he looks pretty hot in his commando outfit and war paint, Prince Harry doesn't get to go to Iraq. Apparently, his constant talking about going to Iraq tipped off some of the insurgent groups, who immediately started making plans to kidnap and behead his ass. Because GOD FORBID that the third-in-line to the throne should actually get killed in the military debacle of the century, the Ministry of Defence won't let him go lead his fleet of Scimitar tanks around Basra.
Now Prince Harry is sad, because he desperately wanted to go to Iraq. Granted, it's not surprising that he'll stay safely back in London, considering the Windsors do jack shit besides take fabulous vacations and fuck hideously ugly people. Fighting in wars has never been their forte, even if they all have military jobs for show...and I don't want to hear "But Prince Andrew flew a helicopter during the Falklands War!" Yeah, and the Falklands War lasted all of three months, hardly anybody died, and it was just another reminder of how the mighty British colonial empire has fallen. As far as wars go, the Falklands War was a pussified cakewalk. There certainly weren't any Argentine suicide bombers or IED-toting insurgents running around. The British monarchy's influence beyond being tabloid fodder and inspiring jokes on "Fawlty Towers" pretty much ended in the 19th century (once we kicked those Redcoat motherfuckers back to their side of the pond for the last time in 1812, of course...U!S!A! U!S!A!). While I applaud Harry for being a member of the royal family determined to do something useful, who the hell is disappointed when they are told they CAN'T go to Iraq? Iraq is the world's biggest shitshow, not just because there's a war there, but because it's a totally unfixable mess. Prince Harry's desire to go is evidence of a deeper problem on the homefront: after centuries of inbreeding with the other nobility of Europe, the Windsors do not represent the best and the brightest. In short, he's stupid.
In case you want to argue that Prince Harry's desire to go to Iraq was out of a sense of duty to his country and his fancy military school and not plain stupidity, I have evidence to the contrary. A while back, he decided to go to a costume party wearing a different kind of soldier outfit. Harry was surprised when this army getup caused him some PR problems:
He's a dumbass. Let him go get exploded along with all the other average grunts who don't have a choice in the matter, at the very least to remove his moron genes from the human pool and stop them from influencing the long-term fitness of our species. If he doesn't get to go, he's just going to spend his time clubbing in London with his drunken fucktard of an older brother, which will ultimately lead in them knocking up some vapid socialite who probably shares some familial derivation from the houses of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha and/or Hanover. Then we ALL lose by having another idiotic British royal running around acting like an entitled asshole and contributing nothing to society. If he wants to go die so badly, I say that Her Majesty's Royal Army should let him.
In case you want to argue that Prince Harry's desire to go to Iraq was out of a sense of duty to his country and his fancy military school and not plain stupidity, I have evidence to the contrary. A while back, he decided to go to a costume party wearing a different kind of soldier outfit. Harry was surprised when this army getup caused him some PR problems:
Labels: assholes, international intrigue, media whores, retard rage
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