Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Fuck a murder mystery
Today as I was sorting through the volumes of e-mail I willfully ignored during my trip to the P-N-Dub, I came across this eye-catching piece of correspondence:
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
From: Some Med Student (dipshit@columbia.edu)
Subject: MURDER MYSTERY, anyone?
Hey all,
care to indulge in a night of mystery, suspense and HIL-arity...?
Bard Hall Player's Presents TWO SHORT PLAYS:
1.) THE MOUSETRAP by Agatha Christie (Murder mystery)
and
2.) THE REAL INSPECTOR HOUND by Tom Stoppard (Spoof on murder
mysteries)
TIME: MAY 10, 11, 12 (thurs, fri, sat) at 8pm
and MAY 13 (sun) at 2pm~ Matinee show
Score! This is what I've been waiting for all year: the Columbia Medical Center's drama club performance of not just a live performance of one of those interminable "Poirot"-type PBS British murder mystery shows full of boring plot twists and French people, but what will undoubtedly be a poorly executed parody of one as well! I didn't think that sitting through their production of Guys and Dolls last fall made me experience severe suicidal ideation quite as thoroughly as I should have, so I think season tickets to the Columbia theaterfag circuit are in order.
The Bard Hall Players productions combine the worst of everything: acting of such low caliber that it makes porn stars look like Oscar-winning masters of the craft in comparison, off-key orchestral arrangements reminiscent of Hell's own string section, timing and set transitions so inept that it takes longer than a Lord of the Rings movie to finish a 90-minute script, and med students EVERYWHERE. Med students are usually hot, but don't let that deceive you. Behind those well-toned abs and layers of pomade lurks a totally fucked-up type A control freak with a snotty attitude and a propensity for complaining loudly about all the tests they have to take. Med students seem to love being drama club nerds in the Alumni Auditorium almost as much as being elliptical machine monopolizers in the gym and passive-aggressive anti-smoking Nazis on the street. That means that during a production, you have to put up with eight zillion pagers and PDAs going off, totally unnecessary lab coats-over-scrubs ensembles, and a sea of douchebags holding up the line for free Carlo Rossi red table wine at intermission. Going to see some more med students in this semester's theatrical production is on par with getting a suppository with a lit M-80 firework, although on the bright side I don't think Agatha Christie ever put any zany musical numbers in her whodunnits, so at least it's a nanosmidge above Guys and Dolls on the tolerability scale.
Fortunately, none of my close friends (ie: J-Sexy) decided to try out for the double feature murder mystery shitshow and I will not "indulge in a night of mystery, suspense, and HIL-arity" (which to me reads "suffer through a cataclysm of misery, torture, and despair") this weekend. Frankly, I would probably resort to murder if I had to sit through one of these epic nightmares, and I'm sure it would be no mystery why I whipped out an Uzi and started getting all Seung Cho on everyone's asses. And by that I mean "bitch to anyone who will listen about being annoyed and write a blog entry or something," since NYC's gun laws are a lot different from Virginia's, I don't have an Uzi (see previous item), and I have a couple moral quibbles with committing cold-blooded murder as a means of reviewing a theatrical performance. But I think I made my point.
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)
From: Some Med Student (dipshit@columbia.edu)
Subject: MURDER MYSTERY, anyone?
Hey all,
care to indulge in a night of mystery, suspense and HIL-arity...?
Bard Hall Player's Presents TWO SHORT PLAYS:
1.) THE MOUSETRAP by Agatha Christie (Murder mystery)
and
2.) THE REAL INSPECTOR HOUND by Tom Stoppard (Spoof on murder
mysteries)
TIME: MAY 10, 11, 12 (thurs, fri, sat) at 8pm
and MAY 13 (sun) at 2pm~ Matinee show
Score! This is what I've been waiting for all year: the Columbia Medical Center's drama club performance of not just a live performance of one of those interminable "Poirot"-type PBS British murder mystery shows full of boring plot twists and French people, but what will undoubtedly be a poorly executed parody of one as well! I didn't think that sitting through their production of Guys and Dolls last fall made me experience severe suicidal ideation quite as thoroughly as I should have, so I think season tickets to the Columbia theaterfag circuit are in order.
The Bard Hall Players productions combine the worst of everything: acting of such low caliber that it makes porn stars look like Oscar-winning masters of the craft in comparison, off-key orchestral arrangements reminiscent of Hell's own string section, timing and set transitions so inept that it takes longer than a Lord of the Rings movie to finish a 90-minute script, and med students EVERYWHERE. Med students are usually hot, but don't let that deceive you. Behind those well-toned abs and layers of pomade lurks a totally fucked-up type A control freak with a snotty attitude and a propensity for complaining loudly about all the tests they have to take. Med students seem to love being drama club nerds in the Alumni Auditorium almost as much as being elliptical machine monopolizers in the gym and passive-aggressive anti-smoking Nazis on the street. That means that during a production, you have to put up with eight zillion pagers and PDAs going off, totally unnecessary lab coats-over-scrubs ensembles, and a sea of douchebags holding up the line for free Carlo Rossi red table wine at intermission. Going to see some more med students in this semester's theatrical production is on par with getting a suppository with a lit M-80 firework, although on the bright side I don't think Agatha Christie ever put any zany musical numbers in her whodunnits, so at least it's a nanosmidge above Guys and Dolls on the tolerability scale.
Fortunately, none of my close friends (ie: J-Sexy) decided to try out for the double feature murder mystery shitshow and I will not "indulge in a night of mystery, suspense, and HIL-arity" (which to me reads "suffer through a cataclysm of misery, torture, and despair") this weekend. Frankly, I would probably resort to murder if I had to sit through one of these epic nightmares, and I'm sure it would be no mystery why I whipped out an Uzi and started getting all Seung Cho on everyone's asses. And by that I mean "bitch to anyone who will listen about being annoyed and write a blog entry or something," since NYC's gun laws are a lot different from Virginia's, I don't have an Uzi (see previous item), and I have a couple moral quibbles with committing cold-blooded murder as a means of reviewing a theatrical performance. But I think I made my point.
Labels: artfaggotry, grad school bullshit, musicals suck, ranting, retard rage
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its pretty uncool to joke about the whole v-tech thing this soon after it. the country is still grieving and this just rubs salt in, y'know?. i think it's just going a little too far.
# posted by 
: 5/08/2007 3:46 PM
: 5/08/2007 3:46 PM
anonymous dude on the the previous post: hey -i dont think you have gotten the point to razzy. org--cuz if you had you would know that there is NO SUCH THING AS GOING TOO FAR! and that is WHY IT ROCKS!!! and that is WHY I READ IT!!!
razzy-rock on biatch :)
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razzy-rock on biatch :)
# posted by : 5/13/2007 8:40 PM
: 5/13/2007 8:40 PM Links to this post:
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