Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Good riddance, you fat fucking asshole
I am not the least bit sad to see that the man upstairs has finally had enough and called home one of his most vocal Gospel-spreaders, presumably to shut him the fuck up. Yes, there is a great weeping and gnashing of teeth coming from my Aunt Jesus's house as she is probably busy rending her garments, donning sackcloth, and self-flagellating to grieve the death of the Reverend Jerry Falwell.
Here's the good minister during happier times, writing what is doubtless a message of Christian love and compassion to the goddamnedinnocent Iraqi civilians terrorists that this Tomahawk cruise missile is going to blow up like the Fourth of July:
Okay, that picture MIGHT be a fake, so here's a real one of the Rev. Falwell doing what he does best: idolizing himself and passing some ridiculous judgment.
If for some reason you haven't watched the news EVER and can't distinguish Jerry Falwell from other fat right wing assholes (like Dennis Hastert, who may be his long-lost cousin), here is a brief summary of his past accomplishments:
-Cutting his ministerial teeth preaching passionately about how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a heretical loon, how segregation is truly the Christian way, and how the Civil Rights movement was inherently sinful...I mean, Jesus woulda been sprayin' those uppity nigras with fire hoses, setting attack dogs on them, and lynching them too!
-Stealing control of the beleaguered PTL ministries from the infamous Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker after Jim got caught swindling his congregation and fucking his secretary
-Went to South Africa in a show of support FOR apartheid and encouraged Americans to invest in what amounted to Afrikaaner racist war bonds. Because white supremacy is SO Christian!
-Made a video full of patently false accusations about Smoking Hot Stud and Silver Fox President William Jefferson Clinton conspiring to assassinate reporters. This was produced by the same people who paid Arkansas state troopers to make up shit about Clinton, and were later convicted of lying to the FBI.
-Got his ass handed to him by the Supreme Court after he bitched that Larry Flynt couldn't make fun of him in Hustler by suggesting that he lost his virginity to his mother in an outhouse. It wasn't libel because it was the truth!
-Switched to talking incessant shit about gays once overt racism went out of style. Over the past decades, Falwell called them "brute beasts" and "a vile Satanic system", declared that one day they "will be utterly annihilated and there will be a celebration in heaven," suggested that they were corrupting the youth through subliminal messages delivered via Tinky Winky the purple Teletubby, and blamed them, along with feminists and the ACLU, for 9/11.
-Oh yeah, and he was also a big proponent of the notion that AIDS is a gift from God meant to wipe out those sinful Sodomites.
-Once stated that "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
-Declared that the Antichrist ushering in the imminent apocalypse will FOR SURE be a Jewish guy.
Obviously Jesus just got fed up listening to this fat fucking hatemonger speak on his behalf and decided it was time to silence his bitch ass permanently. I'm saying some prayers for Reverend Falwell that God shows his immortal soul a little more compassion than he showed everyone who wasn't a fundamentalist asshole.
Here's the good minister during happier times, writing what is doubtless a message of Christian love and compassion to the goddamned
-Cutting his ministerial teeth preaching passionately about how Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was a heretical loon, how segregation is truly the Christian way, and how the Civil Rights movement was inherently sinful...I mean, Jesus woulda been sprayin' those uppity nigras with fire hoses, setting attack dogs on them, and lynching them too!
-Stealing control of the beleaguered PTL ministries from the infamous Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker after Jim got caught swindling his congregation and fucking his secretary
-Went to South Africa in a show of support FOR apartheid and encouraged Americans to invest in what amounted to Afrikaaner racist war bonds. Because white supremacy is SO Christian!
-Made a video full of patently false accusations about Smoking Hot Stud and Silver Fox President William Jefferson Clinton conspiring to assassinate reporters. This was produced by the same people who paid Arkansas state troopers to make up shit about Clinton, and were later convicted of lying to the FBI.
-Got his ass handed to him by the Supreme Court after he bitched that Larry Flynt couldn't make fun of him in Hustler by suggesting that he lost his virginity to his mother in an outhouse. It wasn't libel because it was the truth!
-Oh yeah, and he was also a big proponent of the notion that AIDS is a gift from God meant to wipe out those sinful Sodomites.
-Once stated that "If you're not a born-again Christian, you're a failure as a human being."
-Declared that the Antichrist ushering in the imminent apocalypse will FOR SURE be a Jewish guy.
Obviously Jesus just got fed up listening to this fat fucking hatemonger speak on his behalf and decided it was time to silence his bitch ass permanently. I'm saying some prayers for Reverend Falwell that God shows his immortal soul a little more compassion than he showed everyone who wasn't a fundamentalist asshole.
Labels: assholes, comeuppance, fat fucks, I LOVE IT, people who died, vengeance is sweet
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