Saturday, May 19, 2007
Grossing up the dog show
LL Cool Jew was at a dog show today. Apparently the highbrow sport of dog exhibition has made it to southern Mississippi, and she was simultaneously covering the story of this regional stop on the road to Westminster, and getting whipped into a state of frenzied excitement. When I spoke to her on the phone, BigBagel grabbed the phone from her to tell me that "she wasn't even anywhere near this animated" the night before when she'd consumed like ten Cosmopolitans as when she got a look at the show dogs. My phone started blowing up with picture mail from her, and while I got a lot of cute pictures of Chihuahuas and English bulldogs, my favorite were these two:
This last picture came with the caption, "BA FAN, CHONGAY!" This is a phrase we developed last fall after consulting some Cantonese vocabulary guides on the internets, which purportedly means "to disgustedly beat, row, or be rampant in defiance of authority." The original intent was to "find a Cantonese rebuke he'll understand," since that fat little motherfucker doesn't listen to a word I say. He is the most arrogant, obstinate, self-important little pugtard on the planet, and not surprisingly, "ba fan, Chingy!" does not get his attention any more than "NO EATING SHIT, CHONGAY!" or "BAD CHINGY! BAD CHINGY! TO STICK YOUR FACE INTO THAT RELUCTANT BITCH'S PUSSY!" or "STOP! NO PIT FIGHTING! NO PIT FIGHTING, CHONGAY!"
I do wish, however, that Chingy! could see these show pugs and notice that they aren't rocking Jabba the Hutt physiques. Maybe then he would be more adherent to his diet. He gets a small amount of Healthy Weight Beneful every day, but I am convinced that he's eating Caesar's food when I'm not looking, because Healthy Weight Beneful is doing jack shit to reduce his staggeringly high body mass index. Perhaps if Chingy! saw the prize show pugs he might feel insecure about his look and change it accordingly. Then again, it's more probable that he would strut contemptuously past their cages and acknowledge them only with a disdainful sneeze.
CHONGAY CHONG, show pugs!
I do wish, however, that Chingy! could see these show pugs and notice that they aren't rocking Jabba the Hutt physiques. Maybe then he would be more adherent to his diet. He gets a small amount of Healthy Weight Beneful every day, but I am convinced that he's eating Caesar's food when I'm not looking, because Healthy Weight Beneful is doing jack shit to reduce his staggeringly high body mass index. Perhaps if Chingy! saw the prize show pugs he might feel insecure about his look and change it accordingly. Then again, it's more probable that he would strut contemptuously past their cages and acknowledge them only with a disdainful sneeze.
CHONGAY CHONG, show pugs!
Labels: BigBagel, CHONGAY CHONG, Dirrty Dirrty, doggity style, gross, LL Cool Jew
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