Friday, May 11, 2007
My first doctorate
It seems that I was not the only one to notice the intriguing virology coverage yesterday by the BBC. No less than THREE separate Razzyphiles e-mailed me about the HPV-mediated link between cocksucking and throat cancer BEFORE they even saw that I'd written about it. In fact, J-Sexy, who only reads my blog when I'm either out of town or tell her that I've written something about her hatred of animals, dutty wining, or Jamaican food, didn't read it. Today she was very proud of herself when she asked, "Did you see the article that I e-mailed you? I thought you in particolar would find that relevant."
I don't know why I'm bothering with this dumb Ph.D., because clearly my certifications as a head doctor are current. Judging by the number of people who felt that I would benefit immensely from a warning that the impressive "blowjobs" section of my curriculum vitae might put me at risk, my reputation as a dicksucking skank is apparently widely known.
Not that I'm arguing with it or offended by it, because it's totally true. When I was home in the P-N-Dub last week, I was experiencing some killer tonsillar lymphoadenopathy that I attributed to vigorous deep-throating (after an evening of drinking, smoking like a 19th-century locomotive, and hollering at everyone in sight). I was blaming it on the combined mechanical trauma of sucking a dude off with the fact that I had mono when I was a freshman in college and my head-and-neck secondary lymphoid organs haven't been the same since. If I get so much as a minor cold my tonsils and submandibular lymph nodes swell to the size of golf balls. However, now I'm getting worried that it's HPV!
I should investigate this further for my own health and well-being. I wonder how my physician would react if I strolled into her office and demanded that she give my mouth a Pap smear. I don't know if my shitty Aetna insurance will cover that, but it never hurts to ask.
I don't know why I'm bothering with this dumb Ph.D., because clearly my certifications as a head doctor are current. Judging by the number of people who felt that I would benefit immensely from a warning that the impressive "blowjobs" section of my curriculum vitae might put me at risk, my reputation as a dicksucking skank is apparently widely known.
Not that I'm arguing with it or offended by it, because it's totally true. When I was home in the P-N-Dub last week, I was experiencing some killer tonsillar lymphoadenopathy that I attributed to vigorous deep-throating (after an evening of drinking, smoking like a 19th-century locomotive, and hollering at everyone in sight). I was blaming it on the combined mechanical trauma of sucking a dude off with the fact that I had mono when I was a freshman in college and my head-and-neck secondary lymphoid organs haven't been the same since. If I get so much as a minor cold my tonsils and submandibular lymph nodes swell to the size of golf balls. However, now I'm getting worried that it's HPV!
I should investigate this further for my own health and well-being. I wonder how my physician would react if I strolled into her office and demanded that she give my mouth a Pap smear. I don't know if my shitty Aetna insurance will cover that, but it never hurts to ask.
Labels: epidemic geekery, oh the horror, perversion, science, sex, sluts, viruses rule
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