Sunday, May 20, 2007
Tania Derveaux is my kind of skank
If you think politics here in the states is dirty, you should see what's going on over in Belgium. The candidates for the Belgian senate are full of promises to clean up the government, lower taxes, create jobs, and address whatever the hell else is a hot-button issue in Brussels these days. Apparently, some party called the NEE party got sick of politics as usual, and were disgruntled by some other unnamed parties' false promises about boosting employment within the waffle industry. Thus, they cooked up on a novel stratagem to both express their outrage and court the voters' favor:
Tania Derveaux explains her campaign tactics on the NEE website:
I am the leading NEE party senate candidate in Belgium. And due to popular demand, I will give 40,000 blowjobs to anyone who requests one on this page.
It started with our response to incredible claims that were made by other parties in Belgium, several parties promised new job opportunities in ridiculous amounts. We responded with a parody campaign for which I posed naked and promised our voters 400.000 new jobs.
This national campaign resulted in international media attention and I received hundreds of e-mails asking for 400,000 blowjobs. If this would get us even more media attention, I'm willing to give 40,000 blowjobs to make the statement.
According to my planning this would take me 500 days to tour around the world, visiting all the ones who signed up for a blowjob on this page, giving 80 blowjobs per day. So the offer is limited, sign up while you still can.
Click the button if you would like me to give you a blowjob.
The button, naturally, is emblazoned with the words "Blow me," and is accompanied by some fine print stating that those who are "married or shy" can receive virtual head from Tania in the online simulated world of Second Life.
Tania is my new hero, even if she does commit the egregious crime of dotting her i's with a little circle (at least it's not a heart). She is a media whore in the literal sense, and her courageous commitment to her cause warms my heart and fills me with hope and inspiration. Is there an American version of the NEE party? Seriously, if the regular party politicians were hot chicks who promised oral sex in exchange for votes, I'd have a hard time being a faithful Libertarian. I would have probably even voted for Bush over the fine-ass skydiving pimp of a Libertarian former military software engineer Michael Badnarik if he'd made promises like this. That is dedication! Traveling the world for over a year and a half and sucking off 80 guys a day is some SERIOUS work! Man, her jaw is going to ache like a bitch. She's even willing to risk tonsillar swelling and throat cancer-causing HPV to shake up the Belgian political status quo. I am completely in awe of this woman.
I was checking out the other pictures on NEE's media site, and I realized that although my Flemish is a little rusty and I have no idea what their platform is all about other than taking issue with Belgium's adoption of the Euro as a unit of currency, I'm totally on board with it. Tania Derveaux is the NEE's avenging, deep-throating angel, and I have to say that I'd gladly give my hearty endorsement to their party ideals, at least illustrated by their online media gallery.
To start with, she's going to grow to Brobdingnagian proportions, rip the ceiling off Parliament, and remove those who are polluting it with graft and corruption:
Then it's time to broker peace in the Middle East. I think.
In terms of the scandals (I assume there are scandals) plaguing the Belgian court system, I am down to see justice not only be cured of its reputed blindness, but to be given vision correction in the form of a snappy pair of wire-rimmed frames, and to tip the scales back in favor of the people and not greedy corporate chocolate manufacturers:
And while she's at it, Tania will prevent the bloodthirsty corporate interests from clubbing Jan Q. Flanders to death like a helpless Canadian seal:
Then she'll drop in on the set of Belgium's version of "Sabado Gigante" to pass a scathing note to one of her political opponents, who apparently just got bukkaked something serious:
After that it's time to rescue some dude who drove his compact Citroen hatchback straight off the Antwerp pier and into the dike:
Then it's off to the pitch for a brisk match of one-on-four (or six? Who are those other guys?) coed naked soccer:
Finally, she gets together with her faithful henchmen, two contemptuous, all-black-wearing Eurofags who likely made a living saying "And now is ze time on Sprockets ven ve danze" prior to their political careers, to deliver NEE's powerful message. This is dignified statesmanship at its finest:
Like I said, I don't need to know obscure dialects of Dutch to know that Tania Derveaux is on par with Caesar Augustus, Moses, and Ronald Reagan in terms of galvanizing political leaders. I almost wish I was Belgian, which is saying a lot, considering my American patriotism and pride is matched only by Toby Keith's. I REALLY hope that Tania wins her seat in the senate, because there definitely need to be more politicians willing to suck off their constituents for votes, and because I don't see how you can argue that she stands for anything beyond what is right and true. Besides, it seems that between Tania and her android bodyguards, the NEE party headquarters are what Steve Sanders from Bev Niner would call "a raging babefest," and in his immortal words, "if that's illegal, then I'm public enemy number one." The NEE party is indeed a party I'd like to attend. I have no doubt that they will soon control Belgium, and Belgium will indeed be a better place for it.
[ADDENDUM: If you click the "Blow Me" button, you are directed to the official Tania Derveaux blowjob request page, which is awesome. Tania contractually breaks down exactly what type of no-frills fellatio she plans to perform, reserves the right to deny service due to "hygiene reasons" (smart move), and advises that she will not abide "any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user." If you want what sounds like a really uninspired, not particularly pleasurable (but possibly hilarious) 5-minute blowjob, you can leave your e-mail.]
I am the leading NEE party senate candidate in Belgium. And due to popular demand, I will give 40,000 blowjobs to anyone who requests one on this page.
It started with our response to incredible claims that were made by other parties in Belgium, several parties promised new job opportunities in ridiculous amounts. We responded with a parody campaign for which I posed naked and promised our voters 400.000 new jobs.
This national campaign resulted in international media attention and I received hundreds of e-mails asking for 400,000 blowjobs. If this would get us even more media attention, I'm willing to give 40,000 blowjobs to make the statement.
According to my planning this would take me 500 days to tour around the world, visiting all the ones who signed up for a blowjob on this page, giving 80 blowjobs per day. So the offer is limited, sign up while you still can.
Click the button if you would like me to give you a blowjob.
The button, naturally, is emblazoned with the words "Blow me," and is accompanied by some fine print stating that those who are "married or shy" can receive virtual head from Tania in the online simulated world of Second Life.
Tania is my new hero, even if she does commit the egregious crime of dotting her i's with a little circle (at least it's not a heart). She is a media whore in the literal sense, and her courageous commitment to her cause warms my heart and fills me with hope and inspiration. Is there an American version of the NEE party? Seriously, if the regular party politicians were hot chicks who promised oral sex in exchange for votes, I'd have a hard time being a faithful Libertarian. I would have probably even voted for Bush over the fine-ass skydiving pimp of a Libertarian former military software engineer Michael Badnarik if he'd made promises like this. That is dedication! Traveling the world for over a year and a half and sucking off 80 guys a day is some SERIOUS work! Man, her jaw is going to ache like a bitch. She's even willing to risk tonsillar swelling and throat cancer-causing HPV to shake up the Belgian political status quo. I am completely in awe of this woman.
I was checking out the other pictures on NEE's media site, and I realized that although my Flemish is a little rusty and I have no idea what their platform is all about other than taking issue with Belgium's adoption of the Euro as a unit of currency, I'm totally on board with it. Tania Derveaux is the NEE's avenging, deep-throating angel, and I have to say that I'd gladly give my hearty endorsement to their party ideals, at least illustrated by their online media gallery.
To start with, she's going to grow to Brobdingnagian proportions, rip the ceiling off Parliament, and remove those who are polluting it with graft and corruption:
Then it's time to broker peace in the Middle East. I think.
In terms of the scandals (I assume there are scandals) plaguing the Belgian court system, I am down to see justice not only be cured of its reputed blindness, but to be given vision correction in the form of a snappy pair of wire-rimmed frames, and to tip the scales back in favor of the people and not greedy corporate chocolate manufacturers:
And while she's at it, Tania will prevent the bloodthirsty corporate interests from clubbing Jan Q. Flanders to death like a helpless Canadian seal:
Then she'll drop in on the set of Belgium's version of "Sabado Gigante" to pass a scathing note to one of her political opponents, who apparently just got bukkaked something serious:
After that it's time to rescue some dude who drove his compact Citroen hatchback straight off the Antwerp pier and into the dike:
Then it's off to the pitch for a brisk match of one-on-four (or six? Who are those other guys?) coed naked soccer:
Finally, she gets together with her faithful henchmen, two contemptuous, all-black-wearing Eurofags who likely made a living saying "And now is ze time on Sprockets ven ve danze" prior to their political careers, to deliver NEE's powerful message. This is dignified statesmanship at its finest:
Like I said, I don't need to know obscure dialects of Dutch to know that Tania Derveaux is on par with Caesar Augustus, Moses, and Ronald Reagan in terms of galvanizing political leaders. I almost wish I was Belgian, which is saying a lot, considering my American patriotism and pride is matched only by Toby Keith's. I REALLY hope that Tania wins her seat in the senate, because there definitely need to be more politicians willing to suck off their constituents for votes, and because I don't see how you can argue that she stands for anything beyond what is right and true. Besides, it seems that between Tania and her android bodyguards, the NEE party headquarters are what Steve Sanders from Bev Niner would call "a raging babefest," and in his immortal words, "if that's illegal, then I'm public enemy number one." The NEE party is indeed a party I'd like to attend. I have no doubt that they will soon control Belgium, and Belgium will indeed be a better place for it.
[ADDENDUM: If you click the "Blow Me" button, you are directed to the official Tania Derveaux blowjob request page, which is awesome. Tania contractually breaks down exactly what type of no-frills fellatio she plans to perform, reserves the right to deny service due to "hygiene reasons" (smart move), and advises that she will not abide "any attempt to influence the depth of insertion by the user." If you want what sounds like a really uninspired, not particularly pleasurable (but possibly hilarious) 5-minute blowjob, you can leave your e-mail.]
Labels: Bev Niner, hilarious shit, I LOVE IT, intentional buffoonery, international intrigue, media whores, perversion, politics, ridiculous absurdity, sex, sluts
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She's like a European version of Margo Kidder. Except younger and much MUCH dirtier. I love it. I'm signing up.
# posted by 
: 5/21/2007 2:22 PM
: 5/21/2007 2:22 PM
You know the blowjob thing is a joke, right? Just like her 90 day suicide stunt? It's a valid and highly effective publicity ploy, but nothing more. I'm sorry for any of you guys that actually signed up for that.
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# posted by : 4/01/2008 7:47 PM
: 4/01/2008 7:47 PM Links to this post:
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