Friday, May 04, 2007
Throw away the key!!!!
Today is the greatest day of the year so far. I may be sleep deprived, hung over, and afflicted with tonsils the size of golf balls (I blame the giving of enthusiastic oral for the acute case of lymphoadenopathy I'm suffering from, although more on that later), but none of that matters. What does matter is this:
HELL YES!!!!! Paris Hilton was sentenced to 45 days in the Century Regional Detention Facility starting June 5th! She tried to say some bullshit about how her rep lied and said that she didn't know her license was suspended, but the judge wasn't having any of it. He called her rep's testimony "worthless" and told her to shut the fuck up, since the last time she got pulled over there was a document in the glove box SIGNED BY HER acknowledging that she wasn't allowed to drive. Paris cried and apologized to no avail. Make like Justin Timberlake and cry me a river, slut!
Afterwards, Paris's mom bitched about all the money they'd wasted on Paris's defense and called the prosecutor "pathetic". Yeah, if by "pathetic" she means "the greatest American hero since General George Washington." Seriously, they should carve LA City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo's visage into Mount Rushmore for being an undisputed super pimp. I can't think of any adjective for this guy besides a very emphatic CALIENTE.
LL Cool Jew texted me a big "Congrats baby!!!!!" along with the news. Congrats to the world! A time of peace and prosperity has come to the world subsequent to the communal knowledge that Paris will be watching season five of "The Simple Life" from beneath some nasty Bertha's bristly arm in the pokey weight room. I predict an end to wars and the ushering in of a new golden age for our civilization. God bless us, everyone.
Labels: comeuppance, crime and punishment, I LOVE IT, LL Cool Jew, media whores, sluts
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RAZZY.ORG RULES!
OK, what's really exciting:
- A chance to see Paris without her weave before she heads to jail
- The possibility she'll exit in August donning evidence of some newly acquired crafts skill a la Martha Stewart
What's nervous-making:
- Do you think her fellow inmates will actually be nice to her or kiss her ass?
Razzy.org is one of the best parts of my usually tragic days. Love it, love you!
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OK, what's really exciting:
- A chance to see Paris without her weave before she heads to jail
- The possibility she'll exit in August donning evidence of some newly acquired crafts skill a la Martha Stewart
What's nervous-making:
- Do you think her fellow inmates will actually be nice to her or kiss her ass?
Razzy.org is one of the best parts of my usually tragic days. Love it, love you!
# posted by 
: 5/05/2007 8:29 AM
: 5/05/2007 8:29 AM Links to this post:
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