Friday, June 29, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Dumb motherfuckers waiting for an iPhone
Name: Gadget-crazy unemployed losers
DOB: N/A
Occupation: Obnoxious loiterers, sidewalk crowders, and hangers-about
Hometown: the suburbs
Current Residence: the sidewalk outside any given Apple store
Douchebaggery: Apple annoys the shit out of me in general. I hate those stupid "I'm a Mac, I'm all superior and snobby and geekily hip...I'm a PC, I'm fat and ugly and incompetent and a waste of space" commercials. Those ads make me want to never touch an Apple product, because if my computer acted remotely like that son of a bitch who plays a Mac in the commercials (an actor previously known for having his eyes eaten out in Jeepers Creepers and awkwardly pursuing the affections of Lindsay Lohan in Herbie: Fully Loaded) I'd spend all day bitch-slapping it. Also, I hate Applephiles. Every time you talk to one of them they won't shut up about "the power of OS X" and a bunch of BS about how Apples don't crash and don't get viruses. I use a Mac at work, and can provide first hand evidence that this fucker has crashed on MORE THAN ONE occasion. Furthermore, unless you're hanging out with a bunch of other nerds fluent in UNIX, shut the fuck up about the goddamn operating system because nobody cares. Also, geeks would design more viruses for Macs if they had a larger market share, so the more people talk about that, the more viruses will come out for Macs just to spite these Applephilic tools bragging about it. And don't get me started on what I think about the fact that Apple bestows the title of "genius" on its tech support staff. J-Sexy's iBook broke one and she had to take it to the Genius Bar at the Apple Store, and I ranted for about an hour and a half about how that is the most misleading thing in the world, since you'll find neither exceptionally intelligent people nor booze there. Genius Bar...SHA RIGHT.
Needless to say, I have a very low opinion of people who take time off work (if they have jobs to begin with) because they're so FUCKING EXCITED to get a goddamn iPhone that they have to hang out in front of the Apple store for three days. Here in NYC, lines started forming on Tuesday, so if anyone wants to know what a bunch of good-for-nothing losers look like, just head to your nearest Apple retailer. I cannot understand why purchasing an iPhone as close to 6 p.m. today as possible is so imperative for these people. The first iPhones will probably have a bunch of bugs and other problems anyway, so isn't it better to wait until they've ironed out the problems before coughing up $500-600 for one? Oh wait, I see why people wouldn't want to wait even a second for the opportunity to be like this tool:
Anyway, if you feel like laughing at an entire assembled pool of fucktards at once, just head over to your nearest Apple Store. They'll probably be equipped with folding chairs, fleece blankets, and empty latte cups, and they'll be in a line going around the block.
Labels: Daily Douchebag, nerd alert, overcompensation, pro-apocalyptic zeitgeist
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