Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: LL Cool Jew
Real Name: Rachel
DOB: February 20, 1981
Occupation: Reporter (but soon to be PR flunky for a Trotskyite non-profit organization)
Hometown: San Francisco, CA
Current Residence: Gulfport, MS (but soon to be New Orleans, LA)
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Yesterday when I got back from the beach, cringing because I was worried that my e-mail would be full of exhortations to hurry up and write a post about her wedding, I was instead excited to see this e-mail from BigBagel:
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org), Killer (killer@idontrememberwhereheworks.com), a bunch of other Columbia J-School alums
From: BigBagel (bigbagel@pulitzerprizewinningdirrtydirrtynewspaper.com)
Subject: LL Cool Jew=John Elway
LL Cool Jew won the Bill Minor Award for General News Reporting on Saturday for her coverage of the exoneration of Clyde Kennard, a Hattiesburg man who in the late 1950s and early 1960s attempted repeatedly to become the University of Southern Mississippi's first black student and was eventually framed on bogus burglary charges and sent to prison. There are two such awards given to 'Ssippi journos yearly, which means technically LL Cool Jew tied for best reporter in the Hospitality State in 2006. While Some Dude Who Went to J-School With Us may have tied for the best YOUNG journalist nationally, LL Cool Jew had to battle some real codgers. Best of all, she won $550, which in Mississippi is no chump change. We had a good weekend in New Orleans as a result.
And that brings me to the next thing I wish to share: Deciding to take the John Elway route, LL Cool Jew has taken a position at Leftist Revolutionaries Central in New Orleans. Details on the job to come later, but it's more or less a staff writer/PIO position. She'll start towards the middle/end of July. She handed in her resignation to the Dirrty Dirrty newspaper at which she currently works this morning. While I do not know if this is the end of her newspapering career - and have and will continue to encourage against that - she is leaving the profession on top, a winner, like John Elway. (Or Lawrence Taylor, who sustained his career-ending injury shortly after winning his second Super Bowl for the New York Football Giants in 1991. And I digress.)
So, we're now going to start looking for rental homes in the Uptown neighborhood (not a lot of murders, never flooded), and fortunately the current real estate market will make that easy. So we'll be officially saying goodbye to the Baptist Belt (and hypertension belt, diabetes belt, stroke belt, morbid obesity belt) and saying hello to Catholic Cajun country as of Aug. 1 at the latest, so start thinking about how badly you'll want to escape your cold climes for some remoulade, live jazz and hurricanes. (The drink and not the weather system.)
-BigBagel
I then got an e-mail from LL Cool Jew which, in her typically humble way, simply stated that she was moving to New Orleans and that we should come visit, making nary a mention about her big award. Since she won't tell about it, and BigBagel doesn't have a blog (anymore, and then that was just about Hurricane Katrina...although my mom read it religiously), I'll just have to tell the world about her accomplishment reaching the pinnacle of Mississippi journalism. LL Cool Jew is awesome. Plus she's hot, has a righteous set of knockers, is probably the most fashionable woman in all of the Southern states (bitch just wrote an article about SEERSUCKER), is so nice that she actually won an award in J-school for her pleasant personality, and is a more talented writer than myself (a compliment that I have yet to pay anyone else, because I consider myself the absolute and undisputable king of everything). I immediately instructed the members of the Cool Jew-Bagel household to stock up on beads and dollar bills for the strip clubs, crank the Juvenile, boil some crawfish, and polish their Brangelina-bashing sticks in preparation for my visit (hopefully this fall). LL Cool Jew advised me that a Scores was recently opened on Bourbon Street and had already received her and Motherbucker's seals of approval and they would buy the Costco-sized box of beads necessary for the wealth of tit-flashing I plan to impart upon the Big Easy.
I therefore extend MAJOR congratulations to LL Cool Jew and thank my lucky stars this hooker is one of my best friends. I also thank her for her patience regarding the composition of her wedding blog (by the end of this week...I PROMISE!). She is the unrivalled hotness.
Labels: correspondence, Daily Dude I Want to Hit, Dirrty Dirrty, LL Cool Jew
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