Saturday, June 02, 2007
OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!
I was dicking around and looking at my site statistics today and noticed I was getting a lot of hits from some MySpace blog. I clicked on the link to see which MySpacer had given me a shout-out, and just about had a fucking heart attack:
Oh my God. Oh. My. GOD. OH! MY! GOD! Captain Sigurd Hansen, the crab captain singlehandedly responsible for global warming because of his blistering hotness, READS MY BLOG! This is like rolling Christmas, my birthday, my wedding, the birth of my first child, and a Super Bowl where the Seahawks don't get flagrantly robbed by terrible officiating all into one uber-joyous occasion.
Unfortunately, it seems that the majority of Sig's MySpace blog readers misinterpreted my prosaic ode to Sig (and suggested that they didn't like my site...one bitch even wrote "I'm no Whitman, but Razzy needs to bone up on her writing skills"), and responded with a lot of comments along the lines of "This bitch is SCARY," "Watch your back, this girl is a crazy freak," and "Watch out, Sig, you have a stalker."
Obviously I'm the world's least competent stalker, since it took a month for me to notice that Sig had gotten a straight blast of Razzification and liked it so much that he linked to me. If I'd been a better stalker I'd have been more up to speed on his MySpace. Furthermore, since his tour of all the late night talk shows is now over, Sig probably isn't going to be in NYC anytime soon, so I'll have a hard time actually physically stalking him. Last week on "After the Catch," a companion special to "Deadliest Catch" where the captains sit around shooting the shit with Mike Rowe at some bar in Seattle, I thought for about two seconds about trying to find that establishment the next time I'm in the P-N-Dub. However, it's in Ballard, and I always get totally lost trying to find anything in Ballard. My friend Sexxxica lives around there and every time I try to meet up with her I'm filled with terror as I try to negotiate the confusing shitshow of streets with changing names and six-way intersections common in that part of Seattle. I get lost trying to find Ballard itself, so the chances of me even getting there to skulk about looking for Sig are slim indeed.
I don't need to worry about Sig being afraid that he'll show up at home one day and find one of his kids' pet rabbits boiling away on the stove, because he understands where I'm coming from and DEFENDS ME! I appreciate that, since "Blister!!" below seems inclined to take a contract with some frightening Croatians out on me or something, just because I read and retained (aka am "privvy" to) the information from Sig's MySpace and Wikipedia pages.
Sig's got it right. While his dashing good looks, roguishly amusing commentary, and authoritative barking at his goofy brothers and terrified greenhorns are incredibly sexy to me, I have to say that I am a hardcore Northwestern fan for a variety of other reasons. First, I'm likewise of Norwegian descent, and any hot Nordic fellas who like to get their lutefisk on, bite the heads off herring and swallow codfish hearts for luck, and say "uff da" are my kind of dudes. Second, I'm also from the P-N-Dub, and I root for any local boys that make good. I like to see Pacific Northwesterners prominently featured in the national media, especially not in the context of a "Cops" episode focusing on the Pierce County Sheriff meth lab squad. I strongly support hometown heroes like Sig and the Hansens, who are better looking and more admirable than standard famous P-N-Dubbers such as Kurt Cobain, Robb Weller (host of the now-defunct game show "Win, Lose, or Draw"), and Apolo Anton Ohno (who may be the world's biggest pretty boy professional athlete, and who you just know is an asshole in person). Third, I grew up fishing, and although mining the Hood Canal for Dungeness gold in June is considerably easier and more relaxing than braving the violent and tempestuous Bering Sea trying to fill pots with Opilio in January, I can nonetheless appreciate what he does for a living. Finally, I think that Sig and his brothers have BALLS OF GALVANIZED STEEL to keep grinding away season after season, but I love that they are relatively modest about it and regard it simply as continuing with their family business. My hardcore Northwestern fan status is just that, and am not going to try to follow Sig around Seattle or show up at his front door or anything like that.
However, I am DEFINITELY going to not shut up about Captain Sig "The Hotness" Hansen giving me some good URL on his MySpace for at least the next decade. He just made my entire fucking year. Thanks, Sig. I'm going to invest in at least ten more pairs of "I'm a Sig Girl" panties and force everyone I know to park their asses in front of the Discovery Channel Tuesdays at 9, so that we can root for the Northwestern to defeat the nefarious Captain Phil of the Cornelia Marie in the Yellow Book Crab Count every week! Captain Sig RULES!
Oh my God. Oh. My. GOD. OH! MY! GOD! Captain Sigurd Hansen, the crab captain singlehandedly responsible for global warming because of his blistering hotness, READS MY BLOG! This is like rolling Christmas, my birthday, my wedding, the birth of my first child, and a Super Bowl where the Seahawks don't get flagrantly robbed by terrible officiating all into one uber-joyous occasion.
Unfortunately, it seems that the majority of Sig's MySpace blog readers misinterpreted my prosaic ode to Sig (and suggested that they didn't like my site...one bitch even wrote "I'm no Whitman, but Razzy needs to bone up on her writing skills"), and responded with a lot of comments along the lines of "This bitch is SCARY," "Watch your back, this girl is a crazy freak," and "Watch out, Sig, you have a stalker."
Obviously I'm the world's least competent stalker, since it took a month for me to notice that Sig had gotten a straight blast of Razzification and liked it so much that he linked to me. If I'd been a better stalker I'd have been more up to speed on his MySpace. Furthermore, since his tour of all the late night talk shows is now over, Sig probably isn't going to be in NYC anytime soon, so I'll have a hard time actually physically stalking him. Last week on "After the Catch," a companion special to "Deadliest Catch" where the captains sit around shooting the shit with Mike Rowe at some bar in Seattle, I thought for about two seconds about trying to find that establishment the next time I'm in the P-N-Dub. However, it's in Ballard, and I always get totally lost trying to find anything in Ballard. My friend Sexxxica lives around there and every time I try to meet up with her I'm filled with terror as I try to negotiate the confusing shitshow of streets with changing names and six-way intersections common in that part of Seattle. I get lost trying to find Ballard itself, so the chances of me even getting there to skulk about looking for Sig are slim indeed.
I don't need to worry about Sig being afraid that he'll show up at home one day and find one of his kids' pet rabbits boiling away on the stove, because he understands where I'm coming from and DEFENDS ME! I appreciate that, since "Blister!!" below seems inclined to take a contract with some frightening Croatians out on me or something, just because I read and retained (aka am "privvy" to) the information from Sig's MySpace and Wikipedia pages.
Sig's got it right. While his dashing good looks, roguishly amusing commentary, and authoritative barking at his goofy brothers and terrified greenhorns are incredibly sexy to me, I have to say that I am a hardcore Northwestern fan for a variety of other reasons. First, I'm likewise of Norwegian descent, and any hot Nordic fellas who like to get their lutefisk on, bite the heads off herring and swallow codfish hearts for luck, and say "uff da" are my kind of dudes. Second, I'm also from the P-N-Dub, and I root for any local boys that make good. I like to see Pacific Northwesterners prominently featured in the national media, especially not in the context of a "Cops" episode focusing on the Pierce County Sheriff meth lab squad. I strongly support hometown heroes like Sig and the Hansens, who are better looking and more admirable than standard famous P-N-Dubbers such as Kurt Cobain, Robb Weller (host of the now-defunct game show "Win, Lose, or Draw"), and Apolo Anton Ohno (who may be the world's biggest pretty boy professional athlete, and who you just know is an asshole in person). Third, I grew up fishing, and although mining the Hood Canal for Dungeness gold in June is considerably easier and more relaxing than braving the violent and tempestuous Bering Sea trying to fill pots with Opilio in January, I can nonetheless appreciate what he does for a living. Finally, I think that Sig and his brothers have BALLS OF GALVANIZED STEEL to keep grinding away season after season, but I love that they are relatively modest about it and regard it simply as continuing with their family business. My hardcore Northwestern fan status is just that, and am not going to try to follow Sig around Seattle or show up at his front door or anything like that.
However, I am DEFINITELY going to not shut up about Captain Sig "The Hotness" Hansen giving me some good URL on his MySpace for at least the next decade. He just made my entire fucking year. Thanks, Sig. I'm going to invest in at least ten more pairs of "I'm a Sig Girl" panties and force everyone I know to park their asses in front of the Discovery Channel Tuesdays at 9, so that we can root for the Northwestern to defeat the nefarious Captain Phil of the Cornelia Marie in the Yellow Book Crab Count every week! Captain Sig RULES!
Labels: Deadliest Catch, down with OPB (other people's blogs), hot dudes, I LOVE IT, MySpace, P-N-Dub, Razzification
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you are the ugliest most physically unattractive person ive ever seen on the net!
i hope i never see your webpage again because I'll probably die of fright!
i hope i never see your webpage again because I'll probably die of fright!
I think Razzy should give this hater the Tej treatment. What a fuckstick.
# posted by 
: 6/04/2007 12:37 PM
: 6/04/2007 12:37 PM
You've finally hit the jackpot, Raz! Congrats. Next time you're in town, we definitely hitting up Ballard to throw a few back in support of Hansens (we'll even invite Sexxica and MulluhAntonio).
Razzy, this is actually how I found your blog! I owe it all to Sig - figured you already knew about it and never mentioned it. Sorry for being a tool.
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# posted by : 6/05/2007 1:21 PM
: 6/05/2007 1:21 PM Links to this post:
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