Monday, June 04, 2007
The Red Sox faithful redeem themselves
Normally I can't stand Red Sox fans. They're annoying and act like the world is out to get them. Maybe I would have bought that before they won the World Series (and three Super Bowls), but Boston fans still act like they're always getting screwed over and whining about it. I had more problems concerning the Red Sox than anything else with my college boyfriend Benzo. He and I had a great relationship, until the MLB postseason started anyway. He would rip on me mercilessly about the Mariners, but the second I'd try to flip a little of that back his way, he'd freak out. I'd hear a lot of, "Well, you just can't understand what it's like for your team to be around 90 years and never win a World Series!" and "We've had it STOLEN from us" (and if he wants an example of that actually happening to a sports team, I would now refer him to Super Bowl XL). My retorts about "Well, whose fault is it that Bill Buckner can't field a simple grounder?", "I'm glad the Mets won...Ron Darling was hot," and other choice nastiness concerning the 1986 World Series did nothing to stem the tide of Red Sox-related minor spats. The only time he ever hung up a phone on me was when Boston lost the 1998 AL Divisional Series, and after enduring his taunts during the Wild Card playoff regarding the Seattle Mariners, I couldn't resist a little payback. "How about those Cleveland Indians?" I said, and then heard an angry click as he slammed down the phone. Our relationship was much more peaceful once baseball season mercifully ended. I loved Benzo, but I couldn't STAND that constant woe-is-us Red Sox bullshit.
However, the Red Sox fans have a new, special place in my heart, because if there's one thing I hate more than the fellas at Fenway, it's those pinstriped assholes in the Bronx. When I first moved to New York, I tried to keep my negative feelings about the Yankees to myself, because Yankees fans are so ridiculously easy to provoke to violence via disparaging comments about their team. Then, I soon realized that I'm not going to let a bunch of dumb, obnoxious meatheads in Jeter shirts and Yanks caps intimidate me into keeping my anti-Yankee sentiments to myself, and I'm a girl, so it's unlikely that a little mild Yankees trash talk will incur an actual beatdown. Last time I was at Yankee Stadium I got drunk (because it's the most frightening baseball stadium in America in terms of design...I'm not afraid of heights, but my life flashes before my eyes when I'm climbing up to the nosebleed section where I usually sit), and started mouthing off about Jeter being a pussy , Mariano Rivera being a Jesus freak, and A-Rod being a sell-out. I got a lot of dirty looks, but remained unmolested. I now vocally celebrate anything bad that happens to the Yankees, which this year means their entire season.
There is also one Yankee I hate more than any other. He used to be a Mariner, and may be the biggest fucktard in the history of professional baseball. He's also a passive, whiny bitch who is on the down low with Jeter and who invariably bats .005 in the postseason (which this year, the Yankees will be lucky to even get anywhere near, and too bad, because I'll miss Post headlines like "THE CHOKE'S ON US!"). I am talking, of course, about the lowest of the low, the most overpaid former shortstop in baseball, and the scourge of the Bronx: ALEX FUCKING RODRIGUEZ, or Gay-Rod, as I like to call him.
Last week, the best newspaper in New York City had some breaking news about Gay-Rod cheating on his wife, and surprisingly not with a man:
Apparently he was running all over Toronto with this bitch, who is a Playboy reject, an ex-Scores dancer, and currently a stripper at some Canadian titty bar where Gay-Rod made like R. Kelly and was steadily tossing that cash flow. What this chick is not is Gay-Rod's beard wife Cynthia. This has apparently caused a big scandal with Yankees fans, who are used to Gay-Rod being boring and pretentious, not an unrepentant philanderer in the same league as the Giants Tackle known to Post readers as Michael STRAY-han.
This weekend, the Yanks were in Boston, and the Red Sox fans decided to capitalize on the NYC tabloids proclaiming him "STRAY-ROD" and "YANKEE DOODLE RANDY" and thus redeem themselves in my eyes, for a little while anyway. Every time Gay-Rod was up to bat, the fans sitting behind home plate did this:
Those are some hot assholes right there. The Post and Daily News covers this weekend were crowing headlines like "BLONDE BIM-BOSOX" and "MASK HYSTERIA IN BEANTOWN!" If the Red Sox fans continue to be such awesomely unsportsmanlike bad winners, then maybe I can forget what a bunch of crybaby losers they typically are. This is the best thing to come out of Assachusetts in quite some time. Good show, Boston fans.
[RAZZY ASIDE: Benzo, how long will it take you to post some comment dissing the Mariners to revenge your beloved Sox? My prediction is that you'll craft some snotty cracks about the M's pitching staff before noon!]
However, the Red Sox fans have a new, special place in my heart, because if there's one thing I hate more than the fellas at Fenway, it's those pinstriped assholes in the Bronx. When I first moved to New York, I tried to keep my negative feelings about the Yankees to myself, because Yankees fans are so ridiculously easy to provoke to violence via disparaging comments about their team. Then, I soon realized that I'm not going to let a bunch of dumb, obnoxious meatheads in Jeter shirts and Yanks caps intimidate me into keeping my anti-Yankee sentiments to myself, and I'm a girl, so it's unlikely that a little mild Yankees trash talk will incur an actual beatdown. Last time I was at Yankee Stadium I got drunk (because it's the most frightening baseball stadium in America in terms of design...I'm not afraid of heights, but my life flashes before my eyes when I'm climbing up to the nosebleed section where I usually sit), and started mouthing off about Jeter being a pussy , Mariano Rivera being a Jesus freak, and A-Rod being a sell-out. I got a lot of dirty looks, but remained unmolested. I now vocally celebrate anything bad that happens to the Yankees, which this year means their entire season.
There is also one Yankee I hate more than any other. He used to be a Mariner, and may be the biggest fucktard in the history of professional baseball. He's also a passive, whiny bitch who is on the down low with Jeter and who invariably bats .005 in the postseason (which this year, the Yankees will be lucky to even get anywhere near, and too bad, because I'll miss Post headlines like "THE CHOKE'S ON US!"). I am talking, of course, about the lowest of the low, the most overpaid former shortstop in baseball, and the scourge of the Bronx: ALEX FUCKING RODRIGUEZ, or Gay-Rod, as I like to call him.
Last week, the best newspaper in New York City had some breaking news about Gay-Rod cheating on his wife, and surprisingly not with a man:
This weekend, the Yanks were in Boston, and the Red Sox fans decided to capitalize on the NYC tabloids proclaiming him "STRAY-ROD" and "YANKEE DOODLE RANDY" and thus redeem themselves in my eyes, for a little while anyway. Every time Gay-Rod was up to bat, the fans sitting behind home plate did this:
[RAZZY ASIDE: Benzo, how long will it take you to post some comment dissing the Mariners to revenge your beloved Sox? My prediction is that you'll craft some snotty cracks about the M's pitching staff before noon!]
Labels: Assachusetts, assholes, comeuppance, fuck the Yankees, I LOVE IT, large exclamatory font, vengeance is sweet
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First of all last night was a late one and I did not wake up until 12:30. Second, our worst debates were always political not sports related ( the John McCain/Razzy in tears incident comes to mind.) Finally, I don't hate the Mariners or the Seahawks. I never claimed that the 86 World Series was "stolen", my beef with 86 is just the heartbreak that it in fact caused. Also that heartbreak was actually eclipsed by the 2003 Aaron Boone walk-off. Living in NYC, working with numerous Yankee fans, hell, even the members of the Yankees I knew at the time ( Wells/ Giambi) gave me shit about that letdown. However.........then there was 2004. As of now I won't give anyone too much shit. Why should I? The Yanks have not won a Series since 2000. They blew a game 7 ninth inning lead in 2001, they blew a 3-0 ALCS lead to us in 2004, They completely imploded against the Detroit Tigers in 2006. Throughout these colapses they have aquired douchebags ( Randy Johnson, ARod) and expanded their payroll over 200million, making them the secod biggest waste of money in America! ( hello Iraq war). Following a weekend when they took 2 of 3 on the road from the team with the best record in baseball, they sit in third place 12 1/2 games back. Revenge is best served cold and even exxon fueled global warming can't fight the chill in the Bronx. Benzo...By the way doesn't Arod's "girl" look a bit she-maleish?
# posted by 
: 6/04/2007 12:52 PM
: 6/04/2007 12:52 PM
Ah, Benzo...you're right, the political ones were/are usually much worse. I just couldn't resist busting your ass a little because I knew the second I said "Red Sox" you'd respond!
Actually, I think the worst debate ever was concerning whether or not Rebecca Gayheart on the cover of Details or Maxim circa 1998 or whatever was hotter than me. Well, you just said she was hot, and I was PMSing and interpreted that as a slight. Remember that? It totally ruined breakfast at Sylvester's!
And yes, A-Rod's "mystery blonde" does look extremely trannish, to the point that I swear I saw her hawking a she-male 900 number on the Robyn Byrd show last week. I suspect that may be why Playboy passed on her Bunny/Playmate application.
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Actually, I think the worst debate ever was concerning whether or not Rebecca Gayheart on the cover of Details or Maxim circa 1998 or whatever was hotter than me. Well, you just said she was hot, and I was PMSing and interpreted that as a slight. Remember that? It totally ruined breakfast at Sylvester's!
And yes, A-Rod's "mystery blonde" does look extremely trannish, to the point that I swear I saw her hawking a she-male 900 number on the Robyn Byrd show last week. I suspect that may be why Playboy passed on her Bunny/Playmate application.
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