Sunday, July 29, 2007
Cruise on past, asshole
I received the following e-mail today, and although I was about to delete it along with all my other spam offering me a harder and/or longer penis, increased frequency and/or longevity of ejaculation, and Adobe Photoshop for only $29.99, I opened it instead. This seemed like an unusual piece of spam. I like reading clever, eye-catching pieces of obvious spam with a unique hook, because I applaud innovation, even if it is by annoying spammers.
To: ben_edmunds@razzy.org (Since that e-mail doesn't exist, it was redirected to the inbox of the ultimate Razzy e-mail address: razzy@razzy.org)
From: EMC2 AIM Program (cruiseinfo@energeticmatrix.com)
Subject: AIM Consciousness Cruise with Stephen Lewis!
JOIN STEPHEN LEWIS, DEVELOPER OF THE AIM PROGRAM OF ENERGETIC BALANCING ON AN EXTRAORDINARY ONCE IN A LIFETIME ADVENTURE!
You are invited to join us as we sail the beautiful turquoise waters of the Caribbean with Stephen on February 9, 2008 for a 7 day adventure!
Okay, I do love the beautiful turquoise waters of the Caribbean, as well as the extraordinarily gluttonous, faux-classy shipboard buffets available 24/7 on many cruises. I also love a good adventure on the bounding main, but usually I prefer to hear about pirates/privateers (if they possess letters of marque), Magellan's liberal interpretation of the Treaty of Tordesillas, hot Norwegians crabbing on the vast and tempestuous Bering Sea, the Dutch East India Company's ships succumbing to epidemic disease at the docks in Batavia after procuring merchantmen full of silks and dyes, or explorers for His/Her Majesty's Royal Navy exacerbating native unrest in the South Pacific, and leave the bullshit New Age lingo about "energetic balancing" and "consciousness" back on dry land. The next part of this "adventure" also sounds less like questing for undiscovered passages, trading routes, and continents, Captain Sig Hansen looking more smoking hot than the ubiquitous Marb Light hanging from his sexy lips, battling swashbucklers on the high seas, hunting sperm whales, exchanging nails and twine for admittance to orgies with the sensual sluts of Otaheite, or disenchanted, scorbutic, horny, grog-addled seamen orchestrating bloody mutinies than getting straight conned.
We will be conducting over 12 hours of seminar time and as an added bonus:
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A SPECIAL ENERGETIC EVALUATION - ONE ON ONE WITH STEPHEN LEWIS?
As a special offering Stephen will be providing PERSONAL energetic evaluations to 30 participants! Participants will be selected through a random lottery and you can be one of them!
I don't define "adventure" as over twelve hours of Power Point slides (replete with exclamation points, no doubt) and motivational speeches, followed by a personal consultation reminiscent of a Scientologist "stress test." And like there's going to be more than 30 people on board the Love Boat to necessitate a "random lottery?" I guarantee it's "random" enough to select the 30 wealthiest individuals to attend this shitshow, although that's a stretch. Most people intelligent enough to have a grand to drop on this cruise probably don't wait for spam about energetic balancing to find its way to their inbox before planning their next vacation adventure. And maybe I could manage to take lemons and make Lemon Drop shots and manage to enjoy a one-on-one with this Stephen Lewis character if he were hot and there were some possibility of him balancing my energies, or at least expending them, in a sexual manner. However, since I make it a point not to fuck former used car salesmen-turned-homeopathic New Age motivation speaker grifters who look like a genetics experiment involving DNA from Phil Hartman, Dr. John Martin (Donna's dad) from "Beverly Hills, 90210," and Razzy's Reject #1 Bryan gone horribly awry.
Come with us as we energize on the greatest energy on earth and set sail for San Juan, Puerto Rico, St. Thomas - Virgin Island, Grand Turks and Bahamas. Prices start at just $934 for this 7 day journey of a lifetime!
For more information contact your facilitator or copy and paste this link
to your browser:
http://www.ronoyer.com/StevenLewis/index1.html
to see all the information for this great event.
I don't have a "facilitator," unless that was their way of telling me to call my parents and borrow money for this "journey of a lifetime." I'd like to hear my mother's response to a request for almost a grand in order to take such a voyage. I can imagine it now: "Are you out of your mind, Razzy?! NO! I'm worried about you! You're not taking drugs, are you?"
ACT NOW - SPACE IS LIMITED! CALL WORLDVIEW TRAVEL TODAY AT 888-259-9191 X213 AND ASK IBIS FOR FULL DETAILS. BOOK NOW FOR THE BEST CABINS AVAILABLE.
SEE YOU ON THE HIGH SEAS!!
Or not. I don't really have $934 (which certainly excludes cost of course materials for this fabulous energy balancing adventure) to toss away for a week on Holland America's MS Zuiderdam with this crew of New Age scam victims and confidence men.
You received this notice because you have participated in or requested information about EMC2's AIM Program of Energetic Balancing.
LIAR! I most certainly did not. "Energetic balancing"? Sha right. That sounds like those stupid crystal therapy touchless massages people get to stabilize their energies, frequencies, vapours, humours, or whatever other New Age-meets-17th-century-medical-folklore term is used by the practitioners of this fraud. I'd rather request information about a week-long cruise devoted to my fucking horoscope. I think astrology is bullshit, too, but since Scorpios are all supposedly about sex and war, I could at least meet some hot people who fancy themselves outrageous, vengeful sluts if I signed up for a zodiac cruise. This "AIM Program" balances your energy by transferring large sums of cash from your accounts to Stephen Lewis (specifically, $1000 US per adult, per their website). So he and his crystal-toting cronies can continue their mission of expanding consciousness by fixing peoples' auras or whatever, no doubt.
EMC2 does not send emails often and we never share your contact information but if you prefer not to receive these messages from us, please reply to this email and put either REMOVE or UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject. We promise to promptly remove you from future mailings.
You may also contact us by mail or by telephone.
EMC2
2349-A Renaissance Dr.
Las Vegas, NV 89119
(702) 944-1801
At least I know who to report to....actually, I have no idea who I'd report these fuckers to for sending me spam. The FTC? The FCC? The FBI? The Department of Homeland Security? Does anyone know? Please advise. I'd like to send them some unsolicited correspondence from the authorities who should shut their spamming, thieving asses down.
To: ben_edmunds@razzy.org (Since that e-mail doesn't exist, it was redirected to the inbox of the ultimate Razzy e-mail address: razzy@razzy.org)
From: EMC2 AIM Program (cruiseinfo@energeticmatrix.com)
Subject: AIM Consciousness Cruise with Stephen Lewis!
JOIN STEPHEN LEWIS, DEVELOPER OF THE AIM PROGRAM OF ENERGETIC BALANCING ON AN EXTRAORDINARY ONCE IN A LIFETIME ADVENTURE!
You are invited to join us as we sail the beautiful turquoise waters of the Caribbean with Stephen on February 9, 2008 for a 7 day adventure!
Okay, I do love the beautiful turquoise waters of the Caribbean, as well as the extraordinarily gluttonous, faux-classy shipboard buffets available 24/7 on many cruises. I also love a good adventure on the bounding main, but usually I prefer to hear about pirates/privateers (if they possess letters of marque), Magellan's liberal interpretation of the Treaty of Tordesillas, hot Norwegians crabbing on the vast and tempestuous Bering Sea, the Dutch East India Company's ships succumbing to epidemic disease at the docks in Batavia after procuring merchantmen full of silks and dyes, or explorers for His/Her Majesty's Royal Navy exacerbating native unrest in the South Pacific, and leave the bullshit New Age lingo about "energetic balancing" and "consciousness" back on dry land. The next part of this "adventure" also sounds less like questing for undiscovered passages, trading routes, and continents, Captain Sig Hansen looking more smoking hot than the ubiquitous Marb Light hanging from his sexy lips, battling swashbucklers on the high seas, hunting sperm whales, exchanging nails and twine for admittance to orgies with the sensual sluts of Otaheite, or disenchanted, scorbutic, horny, grog-addled seamen orchestrating bloody mutinies than getting straight conned.
We will be conducting over 12 hours of seminar time and as an added bonus:
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A SPECIAL ENERGETIC EVALUATION - ONE ON ONE WITH STEPHEN LEWIS?
As a special offering Stephen will be providing PERSONAL energetic evaluations to 30 participants! Participants will be selected through a random lottery and you can be one of them!
I don't define "adventure" as over twelve hours of Power Point slides (replete with exclamation points, no doubt) and motivational speeches, followed by a personal consultation reminiscent of a Scientologist "stress test." And like there's going to be more than 30 people on board the Love Boat to necessitate a "random lottery?" I guarantee it's "random" enough to select the 30 wealthiest individuals to attend this shitshow, although that's a stretch. Most people intelligent enough to have a grand to drop on this cruise probably don't wait for spam about energetic balancing to find its way to their inbox before planning their next vacation adventure. And maybe I could manage to take lemons and make Lemon Drop shots and manage to enjoy a one-on-one with this Stephen Lewis character if he were hot and there were some possibility of him balancing my energies, or at least expending them, in a sexual manner. However, since I make it a point not to fuck former used car salesmen-turned-homeopathic New Age motivation speaker grifters who look like a genetics experiment involving DNA from Phil Hartman, Dr. John Martin (Donna's dad) from "Beverly Hills, 90210," and Razzy's Reject #1 Bryan gone horribly awry.
For more information contact your facilitator or copy and paste this link
to your browser:
http://www.ronoyer.com/StevenLewis/index1.html
to see all the information for this great event.
I don't have a "facilitator," unless that was their way of telling me to call my parents and borrow money for this "journey of a lifetime." I'd like to hear my mother's response to a request for almost a grand in order to take such a voyage. I can imagine it now: "Are you out of your mind, Razzy?! NO! I'm worried about you! You're not taking drugs, are you?"
ACT NOW - SPACE IS LIMITED! CALL WORLDVIEW TRAVEL TODAY AT 888-259-9191 X213 AND ASK IBIS FOR FULL DETAILS. BOOK NOW FOR THE BEST CABINS AVAILABLE.
SEE YOU ON THE HIGH SEAS!!
Or not. I don't really have $934 (which certainly excludes cost of course materials for this fabulous energy balancing adventure) to toss away for a week on Holland America's MS Zuiderdam with this crew of New Age scam victims and confidence men.
You received this notice because you have participated in or requested information about EMC2's AIM Program of Energetic Balancing.
LIAR! I most certainly did not. "Energetic balancing"? Sha right. That sounds like those stupid crystal therapy touchless massages people get to stabilize their energies, frequencies, vapours, humours, or whatever other New Age-meets-17th-century-medical-folklore term is used by the practitioners of this fraud. I'd rather request information about a week-long cruise devoted to my fucking horoscope. I think astrology is bullshit, too, but since Scorpios are all supposedly about sex and war, I could at least meet some hot people who fancy themselves outrageous, vengeful sluts if I signed up for a zodiac cruise. This "AIM Program" balances your energy by transferring large sums of cash from your accounts to Stephen Lewis (specifically, $1000 US per adult, per their website). So he and his crystal-toting cronies can continue their mission of expanding consciousness by fixing peoples' auras or whatever, no doubt.
EMC2 does not send emails often and we never share your contact information but if you prefer not to receive these messages from us, please reply to this email and put either REMOVE or UNSUBSCRIBE in the subject. We promise to promptly remove you from future mailings.
You may also contact us by mail or by telephone.
EMC2
2349-A Renaissance Dr.
Las Vegas, NV 89119
(702) 944-1801
At least I know who to report to....actually, I have no idea who I'd report these fuckers to for sending me spam. The FTC? The FCC? The FBI? The Department of Homeland Security? Does anyone know? Please advise. I'd like to send them some unsolicited correspondence from the authorities who should shut their spamming, thieving asses down.
Labels: correspondence, ranting, Razzification, retard rage, scathing indictments, seamen
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http://www.ic3.gov/
The only other recourse is to check the header and send a complaint to abuse@ whatever the original domain is.
I have had spammers spoof my domain name as the sender though and wound up on black lists.
Love the concept though! hehe
from random googled site:
'Here's how it works: A huge bank of computers sends about five hundred thousand subtle energy balancing frequencies to metal trays that hold the photographs of AIM program participants, which act as stand-ins for their bodily presence, and the energy is transmitted directly to the participants, no matter where they are at the time. ...
They'll cover you for a grand, for two grand they'll throw in your family and pets.'
Post a Comment
The only other recourse is to check the header and send a complaint to abuse@ whatever the original domain is.
I have had spammers spoof my domain name as the sender though and wound up on black lists.
Love the concept though! hehe
from random googled site:
'Here's how it works: A huge bank of computers sends about five hundred thousand subtle energy balancing frequencies to metal trays that hold the photographs of AIM program participants, which act as stand-ins for their bodily presence, and the energy is transmitted directly to the participants, no matter where they are at the time. ...
They'll cover you for a grand, for two grand they'll throw in your family and pets.'
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