Monday, July 09, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Cindy Sheehan
DOB: July 10, 1957
Occupation: Peace mom, media whore
Hometown: Somewhere in California
Current Residence: Somewhere in California--she won't tell exactly for "safety reasons"
Douchebaggery:
While it's a shame that Cindy Sheehan's son Casey was killed in Iraq, and I generally agree with most of what she has to say concerning President Bush's failure to account for his mistakes in the war and her disapproval of the same, she is so irritatingly obnoxious that every time I see her, I just want to bitch-slap her in her fat, sagging face. She is a more shameless media whore than Paris Hilton, and also like Paris, it's quite clear that she doesn't spend a whole hell of a lot of time thinking about the bullshit that comes out of her flappy-ass piehole 99% of the time.
For example, she was bitching that CNN stopped covering her extended campout in front of President Bush's to cover Hurricane Rita instead, saying on her Xanga blog or whatever, "Even though it is a little wind and a little rain...there are other things going on in this country today...and in the world!" So, the media should be covering Cindy's attention-seeking press sluttery instead of covering the first major hurricane after Katrina? As in, "Well, who cares about southeastern Texas? I haven't bathed in a month and it's day whatever of my fucking campout in Crawford...let's not interrupt that breaking news with a weather report, even though less than a month ago another spat of bad weather caused one of the worst domestic disasters in recent memory."
She spent the better part of two years running her mouth to any media outlet who would listen, making stuff up to suit her needs (such as saying that Canadians all hate their prime minister, who at the time was shown in every poll to have a very high national approval rating), and actually supporting all the crackpot 9/11 conspiracy theory suggesting that the World Trade Center was brought down by controlled demolition. The quickest way for me to think that anyone is a total crackpot and/or moron is to buy into this 9/11 conspiracy crap. Just because some dipshit started a MySpace blog juxtaposing some scientastic nonsense about the melting temperature of steel with some out-of-context Nostradamus quotes does not mean that the Bush administration, after less than a year in power, managed to keep a conspiracy of that magnitude (involving everything and everybody from our ENTIRE military to OPEC to the British government) under wraps when the supposed motives for this conspiracy (crazy Trading Places-esque scheme to corner the petroleum market, government got sick of waiting for Al Qaeda to mobilize support for their nefarious plot to militarily dominate the Middle East by wreaking terror havoc and just did it themselves, Israel made us do it, etc.) are dubiously plausible at best. When she got kicked out of the State of the Union speech in 2006 for wearing a shirt that said "2245 Dead. How many more?" because congressional policy doesn't allow shirts with text on them, she blamed first amendment suppression rather than the dress code, because God forbid that hooker couldn't glare mournfully at the President during his annual oratory of bullshit, aw-shucks, I-ain't-tellin'-you-squat rhetoric from the ill-fitting depths of a sack of ugly tie-dye. If ONLY they'd suppress her first amendment rights! I'm sick of hearing her sound off to whatever media outlet will listen.
Even when she supposedly quit, she pissed me off. Nothing compares to the wallowing, snivelling, pathetic tone of her official withdrawal from public life:
I am going to take whatever I have left and go home. I am going to go home and be a mother to my surviving children and try to regain some of what I have lost. I will try to maintain and nurture some very positive relationships that I have found in the journey that I was forced into when Casey died and try to repair some of the ones that have fallen apart since I began this single-minded crusade to try and change a paradigm that is now, I am afraid, carved in immovable, unbendable and rigidly mendacious marble.Reading between the lines this actually says five things: 1. My husband left me and is taking me to the cleaners for all my assets, which pretty much consist exclusively of Camp Casey, and my lawyer has advised me to drop everything and act like a concerned family woman. 2. My inability to effectively manage funds and account for donations has gotten me into a financial pickle and I need some liquid capital STAT. 3. Nobody's listening to me anymore because I'm an obnoxious whore who will say anything to get a little press, and you should all feel sorry for me. 4. I love my Roget's thesaurus. 5. You are all a bunch of assholes for not agreeing with me. Maybe one day you too can find the enlightenment I could have brought you too, and realize that I'm the only real expert on what America should be like, and that I'm right and you're wrong.
Camp Casey has served its purpose. It’s for sale. Anyone want to buy five beautiful acres in Crawford, Texas ? I will consider any reasonable offer. I hear George Bush will be moving out soon, too... which makes the property even more valuable.
This is my resignation letter as the "face" of the American anti-war movement. This is not my "Checkers" moment, because I will never give up trying to help people in the world who are harmed by the empire of the good old US of A, but I am finished working in, or outside of this system. This system forcefully resists being helped and eats up the people who try to help it. I am getting out before it totally consumes me or anymore people that I love and the rest of my resources.
Good-bye America... you are not the country that I love and I finally realized no matter how much I sacrifice, I can’t make you be that country unless you want it.
I was like, "Thank God. Go home!" I thought that she had gone for good, but I should have known that nobody who writes a condescending, self-pitying three paragraph letter of resignation from a self-appointed position stays resigned for long. She only took two months before hauling her fat, patronizing ass back into the spotlight. Just this weekend, the hooker announced that she's planning on challenging Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) for her seat in congress if Pelosi doesn't draft some articles of impeachment in the next two weeks. Well, that's a fucking threat if I ever heard one. I guess fighting Bush didn't work so well, so now she's going after the Democrats. Peace Mom 2: Friendly Fire is going to be one hell of a political showdown, pitting these two one-time philosophical allies against each other. Catfight!
Labels: Daily Douchebag, media whores, overcompensation, politics, you're ugly
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