Tuesday, July 24, 2007

 

Daily Douchebag: Kim Kardashian


Name: Kimberly Noel Kardashian

DOB: October 21, 1980

Occupation: media whore, amateur porn star, and "Princess" per her appalling MySpace (Joe Francis is one of her top friends, for fuck's sake--you know she's a worthless waste of oxygen)

Hometown: Los Angeles, California

Current residence: Beverly Hills, California

Douchebaggery: Apart from sharing her pubic lice with my would-be boyfriend Reggie (Get In My) Bush, this ho really redefined poor taste over the weekend when she showed up at a benefit for the Nicole Brown Foundation at the Playboy Mansion. The Nicole Brown foundation is named for Orenthal James Simpson's murdered wife. Kim Kardashian is famous rich because her late father was a lawyer...for O.J.! Not to say that the Juice's legal team actually killed Nicole Brown, but not even Johnnie Cochran (God rest his soul) would be so fucking vulgar as to show up at a Nicole Brown charity event.

Of course, in fairness to Kim, she might have just heard "party at the Playboy Mansion...there will be a red carpet", and didn't think to ask what the party was about. In spite of her father's reputation as a quick thinker in the courtroom, Kim isn't exactly Clarence Darrow, and I am sure is not in the habit of asking too many questions or putting too many things together, like this equation.: Daddy got the guy who in the public eye will forever be guilty of Nicole Brown's murder acquitted + Nicole Brown fundraiser=bad idea from a public relations standpoint. Then again, even if she thought about it first, it's hard to say if she'd object, since she's living proof that money can't buy class.

Kim's own major claims to fame include a stint on E!'s abortion of a reality show "Filthy Rich Cattle Drive" (I know...I actually watched it), replacing Nicole Richie as Paris Hilton's vice-asshole for five minutes, and starring in this fine piece of amateur porn with Brandy's little brother, "hip-hop star" (exaggeration of the year...that's worse than calling Halle Berry's ex Eric Benet a "famous R&B singer") Ray J:

I've seen parts of this video, and the only bright side is that she's sexier than Paris Hilton. You could be a three-day old 7-11 Big Bite covered in rancid aerosol cheese and and still be sexier than Paris Hilton, so that's not saying much. Currently, the leading debate about Kim on the internets concerns whether or not she's had ass implants. She's not exactly the paragon of womanly decency and virtue. In fact, being a shameless piece of trash is her specialty, so it's not much of a stretch thinking that she was just like, "Fuck Nicole Brown! I mean, Nicole who? There's cameras at that party!" What a tacky bitch!

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# posted by Razzy @ 5:41 AM
Comments:
Razzy, I'm pissed because every time I read your site, one of those advertiser jokesters puts a big gray square over your hilarious commentary and I am deprived of some percentage of your brilliance. I fucking hate gray squares. Remedy that shit for me. And let me add, anyone named Kardashian did not come into the world with a nose that small.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/24/2007 12:19 PM
 
I hate the gray squares too, and the "Stop script" message that some people (including me) seem to be getting. I'm going to dick around with the template and possibly move the blog to Wordpress...but please be patient with me. I'm retarded with regard to almost all web administrator tasts, so it might take a hot second or two.
# posted by Blogger Razzy : 7/24/2007 1:08 PM
 
You have to see her sisters... fug fug fug

And that sex tape sucks, it is definitely the most boring I've ever seen. But her head technique is hilarious.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 8/01/2007 12:50 PM
 
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