Thursday, July 26, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Michael Rasmussen
Name: Michael Rasmussen
Nickname: Kyllingen fra Tollose (the chicken from Tollose)
DOB: June 1, 1974
Occupation: competitive cyclist, disgrace to his sublime last name
Hometown: Tollose, Denmark
Current residence: somewhere in Italy
Douchebaggery: Michael Rasmussen was leading the Tour de France, up until his own team booted his ass for being a deceitful drug test skipper. I hate these fucking cyclists. They're all a bunch of erythropoietin-injecting cheaters, and I'm sick of hearing about yet another shameless dickhead going to elaborate lengths to dope his way to an unfair advantage. They're worse than major league baseball players in terms of their rampant performance-enhancing substance use.
When they get caught, they also use some ridiculous excuses that are just insultingly bad. Last year, Floyd Landis blamed a positive urine sample on whiskey. The last time I checked, booze wasn't broken down into metabolites of synthetic growth hormone. Just sack up and admit what we already know: you road cyclists are all a bunch of blood doping cheaters. Michael Rasmussen is no exception as a flagrant violator of the cycling community's drug policy. He apparently skipped several drug tests and lied about his whereabouts to excuse his absence. He also asked some dude to bring him a box of illegal South African bovine hemoglobin and told the dude that it was a pair of shoes. When the dude called him on it being a banned substance and destroyed it, Michael apparently screamed, "Do have any idea how much that shit cost?!"
Plus, Michael Rasmussen is damned unattracttive:
Labels: comeuppance, Daily Douchebag, sportsmen, you're ugly
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