Monday, July 30, 2007

 

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Daryl Hall and John Oates


Name: Daryl Franklin Hall (nee Hohl) and John William Oates

DOB: October 11, 1946 (Hall) and April 7, 1947 (Oates)

Occupation: Rock and Soulers

Hometown: Pottstown, Pennsylvania (Hall) and North Wales, Pennsylvania (Oates)

Current Residence: unknown, but they'll live forever wherever awesomeness dwells

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: I LOVE Hall and Oates. As a small child, I remember singing "whoa-oh here she comes...watch out boy, she'll chew you up, whoa-oh here she comes, she's a maneater" frequently in the bathtub or shower, which is certainly fitting considering the woman I've grown to be. A couple years ago, LL Cool Jew asked all my friends to submit a song for a birthday mix CD she made for me and you bet your ass that "Maneater" was there alongside "Bump 'n' Grind", "Big Momma Thing," "How Many Licks?", "Cherry Pie", "Ain't No Fun (If the Homies Can't Have None)," and of course "Angie." I have many other happy associations with Hall and Oates. My friend Miss Corbutt's aunt once dated Oates (the dark-haired one), and I thought that was awesome. My ex-boyfriend Benzo used to get so excited when Hall and Oates would come on the radio that it was infectious ("It's 'Private Eyes'! YES!!!!") and we'd both be clapping along with the chorus. And the only redeeming quality about my ex-boyfriend TWOD was the fact that he sometimes indulged my desire to listen to Rock 'n' Soul: Volume 1 while we were getting it on. Hall and Oates can make anything bright and agreeable, and I could even overlook the horrendous effeminate moaning noises TWOD would make during sex when they were drowned out by "Rich Girl," "Kiss On My List," and "Adult Education."

Okay, I realize that the fringe jacket Hall is wearing and the airbrushed/puffy-painted muscle shirt Oates favors in the above photo is a little on the cheesy side, but presumably they don't wear that to bed. Back in their day, Hall and Oates were, without a doubt, raking in the hot, spiral-permed pussy with their fashion savvy. In that picture above, you can almost hear Daryl Hall saying, "YOU could be our next groupie running your fingers through our copiously Aqua Netted hair in our tour bus bathroom." Sadly, these days they have a more updated, middle-aged man-type look, and any residual hotness is further mitigated by their accompanying wild-eyed, frosted-hair-having fucktard Ryan Cabrera:

Even worse than their appearance on "American Idol" and palling around with the likes of Ashlee Simpson's former paramour is the fact that Oates shaved his mustache! Nietzsche once wrote that "a mustache gives a man the appearance of being military and irascible," and I think that Oates would have done well to study up on his philosophers. That thing should have been his trademark and he should have worn it, full and luscious, to his grave! Good thing some things haven't changed about his style choices, though. He still likes the feminine-cut, tailored denim jackets with what COULD be some discreet pads to square out his shoulders. And Hall still looks like the slightly hotter younger brother of Vincent the leonine manimal tunnel-dweller from "Beauty and the Beast." With that haircut, I expect Hall to snarl and leap upon a fleeing gazelle on the savannahs of Africa. They're not as hot as they once were, but they've still got a little something.

Hall and Oates are still together, and they would be still touring if Hall hadn't gone and gotten Lyme's disease. Even if their appearances are less awesomely ridiculous than they once were, and even if they aren't hitting the road as much to treat folks to their special brand of "blue-eyed soul", Hall and Oates will forever hold a place among the titans of music. And for anyone who wants to try and tell me otherwise...I can't go for that. Whoa, no. No can do.

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# posted by Razzy @ 6:15 AM
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