Thursday, July 19, 2007

 

I take back what I said about Vh1

I just read on Dlisted that Vh1 cancelled out the stroke of brilliance that was signing Miss Cleo up for "The Surreal Life" by also giving Cisco Adler his own reality show. I guess they were trying to satisfy the Law of Conservation of Celebreality: For every awesome show, there has to be an opposing equally appalling bad show. Like, for "Rock of Love" (rules), Vh1 also has "Scott Baio is 45 and Single" (sucks--Charles is no longer in charge). Anyhoodles, in case you don't know who Cisco Adler is, he's a douchebag who fronts some shiteous band called Whitestarr, and whose main claim to fame has been porking Paris Hilton, Kimberly Stewart, and Mischa Barton. In other words, he's a talentless hack with herpes who fucks talentless hacks with herpes. Oh, and he also has RIDICULOUS balls. I'm sure it will make for 15 weeks of compelling television, except by "compelling television" I mean "television that I would rather watch twelve hours of 'The Nick and Jessica Variety Hour' repeats than suffer through." As if determined to prove that this show will be even more repllant than his nutsack, Cisco is now trying to promote the show by showcasing his razor-sharp wit, which basically consists of him talking about what a true playa for life he fancies himself as:
"I have some sort of gift with women . . . I tend to find myself dating famous women sometimes. I just write dope songs and fuck hot bitches."
I don't know how he defines "hot bitches," but my description of his crab-infested snatches of choice (poor little rich girls famous for driving drunk, getting blitzed on Vicodin and coke and making up racist lyrics to "It's a Small World", spreading VD through Hollywood like a raging wildfire, and generally irritating the shit out of all humanity) would not involve the word "hot." Based on just appearance alone, Paris looks like the bastard child of Popeye and a blow-up doll, Kimberly Stewart is about as fug as they get, and Mischa Barton looks like she is developmentally disabled. This "gift" with women must only apply to the most vapid, wasted, undiscerning women on the planet, because surprisingly I DON'T get totally wet looking at Cisco, whose personal style can be described as part-Jesus, part-Charles Manson, part-plumber, part-dirty hippie...in other words, ALL abhorrent. About the only kind of thing I'd want to do to his naked body is to determine the mass of his balls. I bet they feel like they're filled with lead! They look really heavy.

I also don't know how he defines "dope songs." Since I've never had any doubt that WhiteSTARR is nowhere NEAR as awesome as WhiteSNAKE, I never listened to any of their music. You can go to their MySpace if you are deeply masochistic and care to listen to such "dope songs" as "Beverly Hills Hotel", a song about his favorite spot up the above "hot bitches." You can also notice that Cisco claims to be from Compton, where his rich kid ass (his father is a famous record producer) would likely get carjacked, bitchslapped, and filled with several caps (if the world is lucky).

Anyway, Cisco Adler is a fucktard. Check minus, Vh1! I do NOT approve!

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# posted by Razzy @ 2:44 PM
Comments:
No doubt about it, the dude's ugly.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/19/2007 5:21 PM
 
Looks like someone's rich daddy is trying to buy his son out of being (in)famous for having an elongated scrotum and no talent. Also, I'm shocked you haven't commented on this yet: http://gawker.com/news/rankings/help-us-pick-americas-most-annoying-liberal-arts-college-280270.php
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7/19/2007 7:33 PM
 
I'm commenting tomorrow when they actually post the poll.

Believe me, I'm encouraging everyone to vote for Smith.
# posted by Blogger Razzy : 7/19/2007 9:12 PM
 
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