Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Jenna Jameson's transformation is almost complete
If she's trying to transform into an actual blow-up doll, anyway.
Okay, I'll give it to her that she looks better than what she looked like a few months ago (a thoroughly broken in and well-oiled baseball mitt with anorexia), but seriously...everything on her looks completely fake, from the ratty Barbie hair to the giant fish lips to the multiple facial implants to the spray-on tan to the totally fucked (no pun intended) vagina (not pictured), which supposedly looks like a cross between a collapsing tunnel in the Mines of Moria and that garbage compactor thing that Luke, Han Solo, Chewbacca, and Princess Leia get stuck in on the Death Star in the original Star Wars. I know she's going through a rough divorce and all, but sheesh...last I checked, nasty divorce battles didn't force you into a discount plastic surgeon's office asking for a full body hack job.
I guess I should shut up, because her boyfriend is one of those Ultimate Fighting Championship guys, and I don't want him dragging me into the Octagon for the pummeling of my life, but I am just so disappointed that Jenna continues her descent toward being an amphibious subhumanoid swamp-dweller instead of the enviably hot porn star she once was. Thank God she's now supposedly retired as a performer in the world of adult film, because these days girlfriend is more likely to give me nightmares than masturbatory orgasms. It would be like trying to rub one off to the creature from the black lagoon:
Anyway, my heart will always belong to Briana. At least the only horrifying part of her body are her monster tits, and if you watch enough porn, you can learn to overlook that. Even without all her stage makeup she's way hot.
I guess I should shut up, because her boyfriend is one of those Ultimate Fighting Championship guys, and I don't want him dragging me into the Octagon for the pummeling of my life, but I am just so disappointed that Jenna continues her descent toward being an amphibious subhumanoid swamp-dweller instead of the enviably hot porn star she once was. Thank God she's now supposedly retired as a performer in the world of adult film, because these days girlfriend is more likely to give me nightmares than masturbatory orgasms. It would be like trying to rub one off to the creature from the black lagoon:
Anyway, my heart will always belong to Briana. At least the only horrifying part of her body are her monster tits, and if you watch enough porn, you can learn to overlook that. Even without all her stage makeup she's way hot.
And Briana, I know you love Jenna, but please DO NOT follow her example with regard to aesthetics. You're doing just fine as you are!
Labels: oh the horror, plastic surgery, porn, you're ugly
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