Tuesday, July 24, 2007
"Scrubs" is for scrubs
My little brother loves "Scrubs," and doesn't stop talking about it, so I decided to watch an episode tonight after a fourteen-hour rhinovirostravaganza. Every time I've seen this show, I've been wondering what it is about this show that I don't really like. I know there's something; I just can't quite isolate precisely what that something is. On one hand, I like that really sarcastic old stringy doctor who hates everyone, and who I would totally have sex with in spite of his physical lack of appeal.
Unfortunately, any awesomeness he brings is immediately canceled out by the rest of the unbelievably annoying cast.:
I then realized what I hate about this show: it's not that funny. The entire premise of the episode I watched tonight is that Zach Braff's character is too much of a pussy to kick his girlfriend...TARA REID...out of his apartment. He ends the episode weeping and meekly assenting like the bitch he is while Mollusca Contagiosum Reed picks the lint out of her repeatedly surgically mangled belly button and makes herself at home in his apartment. There are some side plots of the hot mean guy boning Heather Locklear (awesome...but that's about it), the hospital lawyer (I think) divulging disturbing details about his possibly incestuous feelings toward his mother, the hot blonde doctor chick and the hot Latina nurse's quest to find a male prostitute out of desperation, and Donald Faison having surgeon-related inadequacy issues. Okay...I get it. Everyone is hilariously dysfunctional and, with the exception of the mean asshole who is fucking Heather Locklear (whose character just asked "is she dating-David-Spade crazy?" IRONIC!), are pathetic human beings in spite of the fact that they're in the business of saving lives.
I still don't get it. This show just isn't that funny. Doctors who act like complete retards annoy and trouble me, in contradiction to the presumed intent of inducing belly-shaking laughter. The fact that Tara Reid just moved into a dude's house based on some sort of complicated toilet paper-acquiring scheme is more a thing of pity than hilarity. The only time I'm remotely shaken from my oh-Christ-I'm-back-at-Smith-College-in-a-Philosophy-of-Religion-class murder-avoiding torpor is to observe what's NOT funny about "Scrubs."
Then, just to really convince me that I hate this show, cue the Barenaked Ladies! Wow, nothing is more endearing than watching Zach Braff goofily dancing down the hallway with the hospital janitor to the dulcet tones of "If I Had a Million Dollars." Thank God I don't have access to any nuclear ICBMs, because if I did, Stephen Harper would have a headache (ie: the annihilation of Ottawa) on his hands for unleashing this auditory scourge upon our crappy sitcoms. Then they play "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly, while throwing some convenient dialogue over the "smoke a L in the back of the Benzy" to avoid any unnecessary drug references, and I'm supposed to think this shit is such a great show?!
Needless to say, the next conversation I have with my brother isn't going to revolve exclusively around Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to be one chastising him for encouraging me to watch this damn show. "Scrubs" sucks.
Unfortunately, any awesomeness he brings is immediately canceled out by the rest of the unbelievably annoying cast.:
I then realized what I hate about this show: it's not that funny. The entire premise of the episode I watched tonight is that Zach Braff's character is too much of a pussy to kick his girlfriend...TARA REID...out of his apartment. He ends the episode weeping and meekly assenting like the bitch he is while Mollusca Contagiosum Reed picks the lint out of her repeatedly surgically mangled belly button and makes herself at home in his apartment. There are some side plots of the hot mean guy boning Heather Locklear (awesome...but that's about it), the hospital lawyer (I think) divulging disturbing details about his possibly incestuous feelings toward his mother, the hot blonde doctor chick and the hot Latina nurse's quest to find a male prostitute out of desperation, and Donald Faison having surgeon-related inadequacy issues. Okay...I get it. Everyone is hilariously dysfunctional and, with the exception of the mean asshole who is fucking Heather Locklear (whose character just asked "is she dating-David-Spade crazy?" IRONIC!), are pathetic human beings in spite of the fact that they're in the business of saving lives.
I still don't get it. This show just isn't that funny. Doctors who act like complete retards annoy and trouble me, in contradiction to the presumed intent of inducing belly-shaking laughter. The fact that Tara Reid just moved into a dude's house based on some sort of complicated toilet paper-acquiring scheme is more a thing of pity than hilarity. The only time I'm remotely shaken from my oh-Christ-I'm-back-at-Smith-College-in-a-Philosophy-of-Religion-class murder-avoiding torpor is to observe what's NOT funny about "Scrubs."
Then, just to really convince me that I hate this show, cue the Barenaked Ladies! Wow, nothing is more endearing than watching Zach Braff goofily dancing down the hallway with the hospital janitor to the dulcet tones of "If I Had a Million Dollars." Thank God I don't have access to any nuclear ICBMs, because if I did, Stephen Harper would have a headache (ie: the annihilation of Ottawa) on his hands for unleashing this auditory scourge upon our crappy sitcoms. Then they play "Ride Wit Me" by Nelly, while throwing some convenient dialogue over the "smoke a L in the back of the Benzy" to avoid any unnecessary drug references, and I'm supposed to think this shit is such a great show?!
Needless to say, the next conversation I have with my brother isn't going to revolve exclusively around Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows is going to be one chastising him for encouraging me to watch this damn show. "Scrubs" sucks.
Labels: pro-apocalyptic zeitgeist, retard rage, TV
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