Sunday, July 29, 2007
Straight Outta Puyallup
Actually, it's more like straight out of Foxes, a strip club located off Washington state route 512 in Parkland, a town/industrial park located between such luminous P-N-Dub villages as Puyallup, Lakewood, and Spanaway. These places breed meth-addled white trash like the stagnant water that pools inside illegally dumped tractor tires breeds mosquitoes (I know...I'm from Puyallup), and that's exactly where the aesthetic Britney Spears chose for her new video belongs:
A word of advice to Britney: nobody likes a fat stripper with torn-up fishnets and a bad weave. I like a girl with a little junk in the trunk, but this crosses that fine line between what Faheem "T-Pain" Najm would approvingly call "thick as hell" and what I would call cellulite city. And I know she supposedly had a tummy tuck after Jayden James Federline was ripped from her demon womb, but believe that she has nasty ass stretch marks on the FUPA which is very mercifully not visible in this photograph. That is not a pair of ill-fitting pleather panties I'd be stuffing so much as a lowly dollar into.
I don't know who Britney is trying to market her "comeback" to, but at this point, she looks more skankily busted than a reject from "Rock of Love." She looks like she narrowly escaped an exploding kettle of anhydrous ammonia and pseudoephedrine, and then didn't have time to change before reporting to work on the chlamydia-smeared pole at Foxes. Presumably the only people she expects to buy her new album based on this type of styling are those who make frequent appearances on either "Cops" or "Intervention," or who are somehow related to the late Anna Nicole Smith and dwelling in some Texas backwater. Rough.
I don't know who Britney is trying to market her "comeback" to, but at this point, she looks more skankily busted than a reject from "Rock of Love." She looks like she narrowly escaped an exploding kettle of anhydrous ammonia and pseudoephedrine, and then didn't have time to change before reporting to work on the chlamydia-smeared pole at Foxes. Presumably the only people she expects to buy her new album based on this type of styling are those who make frequent appearances on either "Cops" or "Intervention," or who are somehow related to the late Anna Nicole Smith and dwelling in some Texas backwater. Rough.
Labels: Britney Spears, celebrities, fat fucks, oh the horror, P-N-Dub, PWT, sluts, you're ugly
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