Monday, August 27, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Whoever came up with the term "birth control"
Douchebaggery: Last night I had a dream that Brandi M. got booted off "Rock of Love" and I was all ready to make Bret Michaels my douchebag of the day for it (especially considering the hateful Lacey is still in the mix). Fortunately, I remembered when I woke up that he actually gave boring-ass Mia her walking papers, and my girl the amateur facial queen is still in the running to "get some rocker ass." Whew.
Anyway, that left me without a Douchebag, and since I am HUNG OVER from drowning my personal drama in about 10 Heinekens, two Hurricanes, and a Bloody Mary at a barbecue BloodyTosser (AKA #1 female novice welterweight kickboxer in the US of A!) threw on her rooftop in Brooklyn yesterday, I was having a hard time thinking of one. Then I started randomly thinking about this dude I slept with the other weekend, and how, as we were naked and getting ready to commence the throes of passion or whatever, he said, "Do you have any birth control?", and this bugged me. Not because he was being responsible, but because it just sounded dumb.
I don't like the term "birth control." It doesn't really describe what contraceptives do. It should be called "pregs control," because it seems awfully presumptuous to assume that birth is going to result from getting knocked up. Birth happens NINE MONTHS after you fail to put on a raincoat or take your Ortho-Tri in a timely manner, and as we in the biology biz like to say, it's super fucking downstream of the actual sex where contraceptives come into play. "Birth control" makes it sound like you're trying to avoid a Species 2-type scenario (ie: immediately popping out tentacled alien progeny after having unprotected groupie sex with a possessed astronaut). Whoever came up with this idiotic term for contraceptives obviously didn't have a very good grasp of the timing between conception and birth. Stupid!
Labels: Daily Douchebag, retard rage, sex
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