Friday, August 24, 2007

 

This just in: Jamie Foxx is a complete and total fuckwit

For no reason other than to hear himself talk, Jamie Foxx decided that during an "Access Hollywood" interview about his weekly radio show on Sirius "The Foxxhole" (he really gets a show to be a pompous asshole once a week??? WHERE'S MY RADIO SHOW?!), he was going to go ahead and join Stephon Marbury and Clinton Portis in the Michael Vick Apologist club:
It’s a cultural thing, I think. Most brothers didn’t know that, you know. I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time. I didn’t know that was Fed time. So, Mike probably just didn’t read his handbook on what not to do as a black star. I know that cruelty to animals is bad, but sometimes people shoot people and kill people and don’t get time. I think in this situation, he really didn’t know the extent of it, so I always give him the benefit of the doubt.
Oh, I see...so Jamie Foxx got a chance to look over the federal indictment paperwork and has made his judgment about how much Michael Vick did or didn't know. Granted, Vick's plea deal doesn't include any admissions of dogfighting or cruelty to animals, but COME ON. Those other dudes who got busted with him have said that Vick bankrolled the whole Bad Newz Kennels operation and did his fair share of stomping, shooting, hanging, and electrocuting poor little puppers who didn't "test well." Even Michael Vick's father is saying that Vick the Dick has been an enthusiastic proponent of dogfighting since 2001. Maybe since he didn't get a copy of this "What Not to Do as a Black Star" Handbook that Jackass Foxx mentions, Michael Vick didn't realize this was a FEDERAL crime, but surely he knew it was illegal regardless of the jurisdiction. There's a reason why dogfighting is behind closed doors, and that's because it's a fucking crime! It's also an indicator of people with the most despicable, morally depraved, unreasonably cruel characters. You have to be a real fucking asshole to enjoy the competitive spirit of torturing helpless animals by forcing them to rip each other to pieces and then hemorrhage to death in a dirty cage, and it doesn't take a genius to figure that out.

Besides, Jamie, isn't it just a little insulting to "most brothers" to suggest that this happened because Michael Vick is an ignorant dumbass from the hood? Michael Vick isn't some illiterate high school dropout. He went to fucking Virginia Tech! Granted, he didn't graduate, but one could still argue that it was a smart move for him to quit college after his sophomore year and enter the NFL draft, since it resulted in a $180 million football contract, and that's not even counting endorsements. Michael Vick is not a moron, so it's idiotic for Jamie Foxx to suggest that he wasn't aware of the depraved illegality of his actions because "it's a cultural thing."

If anything, Michael Vick has more legal knowledge than the average joe attending a pit fight. For one thing, he's a prominent player of the National Felons League, and he does that nickname justice. He's owned a truck being used by two dudes who were arrested for selling weed, his dogfighting co-conspirator Quanis Phillips used Vick as cover to steal a fake Rolex from a TSA screener at the airport and Vick's handlers impeded the investigation for a week, he was busted at the airport with a water bottle that appeared to be a drug stash box (it wasn't, but Vick still enjoyed yet another tete-a-tete with law enforcement because of it), and he was sued by a chick who claims he knowingly infected her with herpes using the alias Ron Mexico. Michael Vick is no stranger to the courthouse, so one would think that he has a team of lawyers on retainer, any of whom could have advised him on his dog-related business venture. Saying that he didn't know because of cultural influences or not having Jamie Foxx around to give him tips on how to be a black star of high repute is a pathetic, unacceptable excuse, especially since there should be a chapter in this "handbook" he mentions about being a smug, uninformed tool sharing unwelcome and asinine rationalizing opinions like Jamie Foxx.

I suppose that I can grudgingly admit that Jamie's speaking from a position of knowledge regarding dogs, since he perennially seems to have one hanging on his arm with teeth bared:

I'm assuming that the neighborhood dog fights that Jamie didn't know is "Fed time" involves having a veneer-flashing contest with urine-soaked crack whore trannies on a red carpet. That's not the kind of dogfighting Michael Vick was doing. According to testimony from his co-defendants, Michael Vick exclusively bankrolled Bad Newz Kennels, posed for pictures with some poor bitch named Jane before throwing her to her brutal death in the dog pit, and brutally killed a whole bunch of innocent, helpless doggies for their inability to be sufficiently vicious. Michael Vick's actions are reprehensible and inexcusable, and Jamie Foxx needs to shut the hell up with the "giving him the benefit of the doubt" because some people manage to dodge jail time for other criminal offenses. From what I can see, Michael Vick HAS dodged jail time. Federal prosecutors were going to charge him under the RICO act, which would have carried penalties of up to 20 years for each racketeering count. Considering a federal grand jury indicted him on multiple counts of interstate dogfighting, cruelty to animals, and gambling, he would have been doing hard time. As it is, he got off pleading guilty to one pathetic charge of conspiracy to commit interstate animal trafficking or something like that. He didn't admit to gambling, cruelty to animals, or staging dogfights, and for the solitary charge he plead to, he'll do less than two years. That asshole should be spreading anal simplex in the Leavenworth laundry room for at least a decade, and you can bet that if he weren't a celebrity like Michael Vick (as in the case of his co-defendants who are shouldering the bulk of the culpability), that's what he'd be doing. Come fall 2009, I guarantee all the Fantasy Football blogs will be abuzz with speculation about how prison will affect his passer rating and rushing production in the upcoming season, and where Fantasy owners should take him in the draft.

Jamie Foxx needs to quit trying to relieve Michael Vick of the responsibility he should be taking. He's not taking enough, and Jamie Foxx needs to quit pretending that his behavior was some sort of innocent faux pas precipitated by a cultural misunderstanding and take solace in the fact that Ron Mexico is getting off easy. Jamie Foxx needs to stop the punditry and media whoring and stick to doing what he does best: singing crappy R&B songs FAR INFERIOR to Robert Sylvester Kelly's genius repertoire with Kanye West, flaring his lips to make that arrogant, self-satisfied expression he always wears on his ugly mug, polishing his Oscar, and starring in shitflicks that I would rather enter Chingy! or Caesar into a backyard dogfight than plunk down $11 to see.

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# posted by Razzy @ 9:31 AM
Comments:
I (for one) have no problen seeing a distinction between dogs fighting in the hood and hanging, drowning and elecrocuting them to death for being a poor fighter.
GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
# posted by Anonymous Ron : 8/25/2007 6:57 PM
 
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