Friday, September 07, 2007
Curtis will eat Kanye's children
This is the cover of the new Rolling Stone, and I think it's pretty obvious that this isn't even a contest:
This is like watching Mike Tyson do a pre-show press posturing contest with some well-manicured prep school douche with a practiced condescending sneer and an unprecedented case of Jesus envy: you know Tyson would say something effeminate and confusing, skinny boy would unwisely try to intimidate Tyson with some overdone intellectual posturing, and Tyson would thump his chest and just stab him, bludgeon him, poke his eye out, bite his nuts off, or otherwise deal him some seriously grievous hurting.
Okay, in fairness, the other day my buddy was listening to a new Kanye West song that I kind of liked. I heard it, and I was like, "I know this is Kanye...I know this is Kanye...but it's kind of catchy. I like the beat. I can just ignore his preachy, pompous prattle."
"Is this Kanye West?" I asked my friend Neo.
"Yes," she said.
ARRGH! I winced, knowing that it goes against everything I stand for to like Kanye West. I then calmed myself with the knowledge that even though I might like ONE Kanye West song here and there (I liked that "Slow Jamz" song too, if only because of the part where Twista says "let me get you wet listening to Keith Sweat"), my boyfriend Fitty will still destroy Kanye in this contest that Kanye supposedly didn't even want to participate in. SHA RIGHT...this whole thing was a big publicity stunt that was probably Kanye's idea in the first place. That bitch is so in love with himself he had to come up with something clever to bring his album sales up to match his ego. 50 Cent is getting rich, but Kanye is apparently dying trying, so naturally he'd need a clever ploy to piggyback on 50's album sales. Now, as a result, they did a big photo shoot together for Rolling Stone to promote the albums that will be going head to head in a sales contest when they drop on 9/11.
Based on menacing eyebrow-based scowling tactics alone, 50 is taking this one all the way. Besides, Kanye may have one song that's enjoyable if you ignore Kanye's bloviating lyrical flow, but Fitty has songs on his new album where he brags about how he's "got more whips than a runaway slave" and where he pitches his new vibrator line in terms of an anecdotal tale of his erotic carny magic tricks ("now watch me pull a rabbit out of a hat, then you can use the rabbit all over your cat"). Curtis is taking Kanye's pretty ass down.
Okay, in fairness, the other day my buddy was listening to a new Kanye West song that I kind of liked. I heard it, and I was like, "I know this is Kanye...I know this is Kanye...but it's kind of catchy. I like the beat. I can just ignore his preachy, pompous prattle."
"Is this Kanye West?" I asked my friend Neo.
"Yes," she said.
ARRGH! I winced, knowing that it goes against everything I stand for to like Kanye West. I then calmed myself with the knowledge that even though I might like ONE Kanye West song here and there (I liked that "Slow Jamz" song too, if only because of the part where Twista says "let me get you wet listening to Keith Sweat"), my boyfriend Fitty will still destroy Kanye in this contest that Kanye supposedly didn't even want to participate in. SHA RIGHT...this whole thing was a big publicity stunt that was probably Kanye's idea in the first place. That bitch is so in love with himself he had to come up with something clever to bring his album sales up to match his ego. 50 Cent is getting rich, but Kanye is apparently dying trying, so naturally he'd need a clever ploy to piggyback on 50's album sales. Now, as a result, they did a big photo shoot together for Rolling Stone to promote the albums that will be going head to head in a sales contest when they drop on 9/11.
Labels: 50 cent, assholes, capitalism, hot dudes, rap
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
