Wednesday, September 26, 2007

 

Daily Dude I Want to Hit: the SLUT




Name: South Lake Union Trolley

DOB: scheduled for December 2007

Occupation: getting ridden

Hometown: Seattle, Washington

Current residence: reppin' 206

Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: The perennially brilliant city planners (ie: Paul Allen) in Seattle decided to solve their many traffic problems using mass transit technology from the turn of the century, by which I mean 1900. A trolley is getting installed in the South Lake Union area of Seattle to carry bitches back and forth from Fred Hutch to the Westlake Center, where they can catch a bus that will take them to another slow-ass bus or a train that doesn't run very often (but has wi-fi!) and basically not solve any kind of traffic problems at all. However, it being Seattle, I'm sure the new trolley is "green," or at least is made out of recycled shit or somehow otherwise has the trappings of earth-friendliness.

Anyway, the trolley's original name was supposedly the South Lake Union Trolley, AKA the "SLUT," and although the name has since officially become the South Lake Union Streetcar, the original acronym has stuck. Finally Seattle does something I heartily approve of besides building Safeco and Qwest Fields. Every town can use more sluts, and Seattle's probably been going through withdrawals since I quit skanking up the biotech scene there and moved out of the P-N-Dub five years ago. Furthermore, as much as it pisses me off just looking at the smarmy faces of these rodeo-inspired part-time baristas/full-time douchebags, I have to grudgingly admit that "Ride the SLUT" t-shirts may be the best thing ever to come out of the annoying Seattle coffeehouse scene:

These tools look so excited and smug because they know that this is the greatest achievement of their lives. This was the one stroke of brilliance in a banal lifetime of shopping for cowboy hats and kitschy belt buckles, pretending to read Milan Kundera novels, trimming their scruffy but arranged facial hair, and otherwise fine-tuning their Western-inspired hipster coffee snob mystique. The Seattle Post-Intelligencer has an awesome video getting reaction from other slightly less-irritating locals (most of whom are obnoxious Seattle people beating the "ride the SLUT" jokes like a dead horse, arguing that the SLUT will be accepted by the locals because "Seattle is pretty diverse," and bitching about the increased prevalence of using acronyms because "everything stands for something anymore") that you should definitely go and watch, if only for the footage of the man who goes, "I can't ride the SLUT...come on, man. I got little children. Come on, cuz. Come on, dude! What kind of message is that?!" Then his friend throws up his arms in disgust and goes, "What the hell is going on with Washington, man?", and he responds, "See, (Seattle mayor) Mike Nichols, you a bad guy. You can shut down the clubs but you can't change the name for a transit called SLUT? Come on, dog. Where's our tax money going, baby?"

Like I said, it's priceless. Click this link and go halfway down the page to watch it because it's a must-see. The Seattle PI just jumped into the running for Best Newspaper in the Universe against the inimitable New York Post. And big props to Seattle for making this awesomest of mistakes. Granted, the trolley service will probably suck as hard as what its acronym implies because that's Seattle mass transit for you, but the name alone has boosted my esteem of the Emerald City. Hats off and tits out to you, SLUT.

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# posted by Razzy @ 6:52 AM
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