Monday, September 17, 2007
Gimme More
You heard it here first – Britney will be back. (I know, I know, who needs another blog post about Britney Spears – but rather than heralding her demise, like Jesus I am bringing you the good news).
Despite the fact that I was told this weekend by a 19-year-old frat boy in southern Mississippi that I “look good for (my) age,” I still have my finger on the white-hot cutting edge of youth culture – and I can tell you that “the legendary Ms. Britney Spears,” as Timbaland protégé Danja calls her toward the end of the “Gimme More,” is already on the way to the fabled comeback. Hey, at least I didn’t get told I look like hell for my age.
That gut-checking, “Pick-Up Artist”-esque, back-handed compliment came, rather predictably, on the night of a football-themed pub crawl in the sub-suburban university town deep in the heart of Trent Lott country where I used to work at the local newspaper; there, coyote taxidermists enjoy brisk business, Crocs are still in style and all the white boys rock that bangs-brushed-to-the-front look that “Two-A-Days” made famous. What I’m telling you is that the tastes in this provincial burg reflect those across mall-trolling, gum-snapping, top-40-radio-listening America – and during their pub crawl, the heavily indoor-tanned blondes wanted Britney. “Gimme More” got the drunk bitches throwing their hands in the air and waggling their be-denimed asses while their male counterparts roared their enthusiasm. Two days later, I was back in the city and driving to the grocery store (as old people are wont to do), and heard that “Gimme More” was the most-requested song on the Top 40 station three hours in a row.
So what explains the apparent against-all-odds grassroots popularity of “Gimme More”? Because it’s Britney, bitch – she who was once so mesmerizingly fuckable is now leading a life best described as a spectacularly entertaining trainwreck-a-thon, the walking, procreating embodiment of your mom’s worst nightmare. And given the astonishing before-and-after contrast, I know I’m not alone in wanting to rest my very eyeballs on everything B does: despite the categorical drubbing she got on the blogs and in the press, the MTV Video Music Awards enjoyed a 23 percent ratings bump over last year’s broadcast in the first hour of the show – all for Britney, y’all. And the lyrics of “Gimme More” invite us into her crazy, fucked-up, ongoing afterparty. When she sings, “Cameras are flashing while we're dirty dancing / They keep watchin’” through a Cher-reminiscent voice filter, you can almost picture yourself as the random loser who got into the club and whom Britney decided to fuck that night. The legendary Ms. Britney Spears indeed!
LL Cool Jew predicts: Britney’s next single will be much better than the first. And PS: I really hope that story about her getting banned for life from the Chateau Marmont because she smeared food all over her face is true.
That gut-checking, “Pick-Up Artist”-esque, back-handed compliment came, rather predictably, on the night of a football-themed pub crawl in the sub-suburban university town deep in the heart of Trent Lott country where I used to work at the local newspaper; there, coyote taxidermists enjoy brisk business, Crocs are still in style and all the white boys rock that bangs-brushed-to-the-front look that “Two-A-Days” made famous. What I’m telling you is that the tastes in this provincial burg reflect those across mall-trolling, gum-snapping, top-40-radio-listening America – and during their pub crawl, the heavily indoor-tanned blondes wanted Britney. “Gimme More” got the drunk bitches throwing their hands in the air and waggling their be-denimed asses while their male counterparts roared their enthusiasm. Two days later, I was back in the city and driving to the grocery store (as old people are wont to do), and heard that “Gimme More” was the most-requested song on the Top 40 station three hours in a row.
So what explains the apparent against-all-odds grassroots popularity of “Gimme More”? Because it’s Britney, bitch – she who was once so mesmerizingly fuckable is now leading a life best described as a spectacularly entertaining trainwreck-a-thon, the walking, procreating embodiment of your mom’s worst nightmare. And given the astonishing before-and-after contrast, I know I’m not alone in wanting to rest my very eyeballs on everything B does: despite the categorical drubbing she got on the blogs and in the press, the MTV Video Music Awards enjoyed a 23 percent ratings bump over last year’s broadcast in the first hour of the show – all for Britney, y’all. And the lyrics of “Gimme More” invite us into her crazy, fucked-up, ongoing afterparty. When she sings, “Cameras are flashing while we're dirty dancing / They keep watchin’” through a Cher-reminiscent voice filter, you can almost picture yourself as the random loser who got into the club and whom Britney decided to fuck that night. The legendary Ms. Britney Spears indeed!
LL Cool Jew predicts: Britney’s next single will be much better than the first. And PS: I really hope that story about her getting banned for life from the Chateau Marmont because she smeared food all over her face is true.
Labels: Britney Spears, celebrities, LL Cool Jew, sluts
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PPS: I feel it was part of my karmic duty to post this today, to send off into the stratosphere some positive Brit Brit vibes on what may have been her worst day yet. Today:
- A fat former bodyguard who was escorted to the court by Gloria Allred told a judge Britney did drugs in front of her kids (duh).
- TMZ and Entertainment Tonight both reported there may be a contract out on K-Fed's life (whodunnit?).
- Britney's manager of one month, Kwatinetz or someone, dumped her ass. So did her lawyer, that Wasser lady (ouch squared).
But don't worry Britney - the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers of Mississippi are pulling for you! And if you kill yourself, you'll be even more famous!!!
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- A fat former bodyguard who was escorted to the court by Gloria Allred told a judge Britney did drugs in front of her kids (duh).
- TMZ and Entertainment Tonight both reported there may be a contract out on K-Fed's life (whodunnit?).
- Britney's manager of one month, Kwatinetz or someone, dumped her ass. So did her lawyer, that Wasser lady (ouch squared).
But don't worry Britney - the knuckle-dragging mouth-breathers of Mississippi are pulling for you! And if you kill yourself, you'll be even more famous!!!
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