Saturday, September 15, 2007
Why it's time to get my Mac on
Last night I was chatting with LL Cool Jew about how our lives have changed since we met back at Smith in 1998. "Who would have thought that ten years later, I'd be married to a guy and you'd be fucking girls?" she asked.
Although I did protest that I still fuck plenty of boys too, that's kind of how I feel about becoming a Mac owner. I never thought I would join this club. For one thing, I'm from the P-N-Dub, and I feel a special fondness for Microsoft, much the way I feel about Boeing, Brown and Haley, or Starbucks. Mac owners are pretentious and annoying. Whenever Steve Jobs drops some piece of crap, sleekly designed new overpriced gadget, all the morons who line up outside to get the iPhone, or the new edition of Mac OS Tiger, or whatever won't shut up with their whole line of pompous "the Mac operating system is SO powerful" bullshit. Mac owners always act like they are some sort of superior class of human being because they have a computer based in UNIX or whatever.
Apple completely fosters this snottiness with their marketing strategy. They have those irritating "Hi, I'm a Mac, I'm a stuck-up ass clown because I come with a webcam" and "Hi, I'm a PC, and I'm fat, ugly, socially inept, virus-ridden, and prone to crashing" commercials. I don't care if Macs do come with webcams; it's not like I've forgotten that the Mac starred opposite Lindsay Lohan in Herbie: Fully Loaded. No amount of smug patronizing is going to distract me from the fact that he's a gangly, pube-stached fuckwit without an ounce of sex appeal and a serious small dick vibe. It's like the Apple marketing department asked (Canadian pick-up artist and general douchebag clusterfuck of stupid headwear and black nail polish) Mystery how to trick intellectually insecure people into buying Macs by incorporating a bunch of condescending "negs" into their ads. Lanky, insufferable assholes with pencil dicks are not what I want in a man OR a computer.
Even worse, Apple actually has the audacity to call the tech support staff in each Apple Store "the Genius Bar." I'm sorry, but that cheap, techie-fied Sarah Jessica Parker knockoff doesn't look like a fucking genius to me, and I dare her to claim that she is so goddamn brilliant just because her ballet flat-wearing hooker ass can configure fucking QuickTime or install iTunes, and dumb it down for the superiority complex-having Mac customers having issues with their supposedly perfect computers.
In spite of this, I'm still getting a MacBook, which is supposedly arriving next Wednesday or Thursday (at which point, I'll be back to my normal blogging routine...thanks for your patience, Razzyphiles). I am doing so primarily because I won't have to figure out how to configure a bunch of add-ons (as is generally necessary with a PC), and because my boss is hooking me up with a bunch of expensive software for Macs. I would be lying if I said that that I wasn't totally excited that one of those software pieces is the web design software that I use to manage my domain (RAZZY.org), and having it on my laptop means that I'll be able to take care of the rest of my site from home. My inability to do that on my old PC (God rest its noble soul) is the reason why everything on this site besides this blog is so horrendously neglected.
Mitigating the sting of becoming what I despise is the fact that the new generation of MacBooks can run Windows. I plan to run Windows whenever possible, and every time some Mac owner sees me on it and tries to engage me in an obnoxious celebration of our computers, I'm going to be like, "Fuck UNIX and Mac OS, I'm running Windows, bitch!" Just because I'm technically going to be among them doesn't mean I'm going to be like them. As excited as I am to get it and reinsert myself in the Matrix (aka the internets)...fuck a Mac and the people who worship them!
Although I did protest that I still fuck plenty of boys too, that's kind of how I feel about becoming a Mac owner. I never thought I would join this club. For one thing, I'm from the P-N-Dub, and I feel a special fondness for Microsoft, much the way I feel about Boeing, Brown and Haley, or Starbucks. Mac owners are pretentious and annoying. Whenever Steve Jobs drops some piece of crap, sleekly designed new overpriced gadget, all the morons who line up outside to get the iPhone, or the new edition of Mac OS Tiger, or whatever won't shut up with their whole line of pompous "the Mac operating system is SO powerful" bullshit. Mac owners always act like they are some sort of superior class of human being because they have a computer based in UNIX or whatever.
Apple completely fosters this snottiness with their marketing strategy. They have those irritating "Hi, I'm a Mac, I'm a stuck-up ass clown because I come with a webcam" and "Hi, I'm a PC, and I'm fat, ugly, socially inept, virus-ridden, and prone to crashing" commercials. I don't care if Macs do come with webcams; it's not like I've forgotten that the Mac starred opposite Lindsay Lohan in Herbie: Fully Loaded. No amount of smug patronizing is going to distract me from the fact that he's a gangly, pube-stached fuckwit without an ounce of sex appeal and a serious small dick vibe. It's like the Apple marketing department asked (Canadian pick-up artist and general douchebag clusterfuck of stupid headwear and black nail polish) Mystery how to trick intellectually insecure people into buying Macs by incorporating a bunch of condescending "negs" into their ads. Lanky, insufferable assholes with pencil dicks are not what I want in a man OR a computer.
In spite of this, I'm still getting a MacBook, which is supposedly arriving next Wednesday or Thursday (at which point, I'll be back to my normal blogging routine...thanks for your patience, Razzyphiles). I am doing so primarily because I won't have to figure out how to configure a bunch of add-ons (as is generally necessary with a PC), and because my boss is hooking me up with a bunch of expensive software for Macs. I would be lying if I said that that I wasn't totally excited that one of those software pieces is the web design software that I use to manage my domain (RAZZY.org), and having it on my laptop means that I'll be able to take care of the rest of my site from home. My inability to do that on my old PC (God rest its noble soul) is the reason why everything on this site besides this blog is so horrendously neglected.
Mitigating the sting of becoming what I despise is the fact that the new generation of MacBooks can run Windows. I plan to run Windows whenever possible, and every time some Mac owner sees me on it and tries to engage me in an obnoxious celebration of our computers, I'm going to be like, "Fuck UNIX and Mac OS, I'm running Windows, bitch!" Just because I'm technically going to be among them doesn't mean I'm going to be like them. As excited as I am to get it and reinsert myself in the Matrix (aka the internets)...fuck a Mac and the people who worship them!
Labels: assholes, computer incompetence, defiance, internet domination, LL Cool Jew, nerd alert, pro-apocalyptic zeitgeist, Razzification, retard rage, scathing indictments
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Glad you got your mac on, Razzy. I predict you probably won't run that windows shit on there after you work with OSX for awhile. Ya OSX isn't perfect, and those mac "geniuses", I agree, are attitudinous tools who still ask "did you try reboting?" as a proposed fix, at least at first. But OSX is more elegant and, as a bottom line, it fucking works. Just works. Sometimes I feel like that's too much to ask.
But you still have to own and install Windows on there to use it, and in case you haven't installed it lately, Windows takes up a shitload of space. It's great marketing for people like you and me who were hesitant to switch, and I think most users who switched with the reassurance of having windows back there have never actually gone back and used it...
big fan, by the way.
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But you still have to own and install Windows on there to use it, and in case you haven't installed it lately, Windows takes up a shitload of space. It's great marketing for people like you and me who were hesitant to switch, and I think most users who switched with the reassurance of having windows back there have never actually gone back and used it...
big fan, by the way.
# posted by 
: 9/16/2007 11:09 AM
: 9/16/2007 11:09 AM Links to this post:
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