Tuesday, October 02, 2007

 

Daily Douchebag: Spencer Pratt


Name: Spencer Pratt

DOB: August 1983

Occupation: rich unemployed asshole, aspiring rapper, reality TV villain

Hometown: Santa Monica, California

Current residence: somewhere in "The Hills"

Douchebaggery: As embarrassing as it is to admit, I would be remiss if I said that I hadn't caught one or two almost every okay, fine, all episodes of "The Hills." I don't know why I watch this trash. I'm way too old for it and I absolutely hate almost every person on it, but nonetheless if I happen to be flipping channels and I see it, I find myself migrating to channel 20 to see what goes on. In case you are a normal human being who actually acts your age and has better ways to occupy your time, "The Hills" is a tightly scripted "reality" show spun off of "Laguna Beach" following the trials of Lauren "LC" Conrad as she struggles with an internship at Teen Vogue and goes to fashion design school. Lauren used to live with her friend Heidi, who became her archnemesis when Heidi moved in with her boyfriend Spencer, got fake tits, and got engaged via a big CZ that Spencer put on her finger.

More recently, I have realized that I watch this show just so that I can shriek at Spencer and Heidi about what a couple of dumbasses they are. Heidi is probably the damned dumbest bitch on the planet. First, I have no respect for bitches who choose hos over their bros, and Heidi is learning the hard way that by making Spencer's dumb ass her first priority, she now has no friends. Second, Heidi chose SPENCER over her friends, which only confirms her abject stupidity. Spencer is not attractive, and he just oozes essence of dickhead from every pore. He's an abusive, isolating prick who bought her a fake engagement ring. Spencer's totally the type of guy who would fuck a passed-out chick, and I would put money on that. He also has decided to make it his singular mission to rename Lauren "Beef Curtains" via invective-laden rants on his personal website (which is actually fake, but whatever). When "Beef Curtains" started banging Spencer's best friend, the self-proclaimed "Prince of Malibu" Brody Jenner, Spencer broke up with him in a move being hailed as a "dude-vorce." Seriously, he dumped his boy because of his beard! Who does that?! Spencer is such a fucktard that it's certainly fitting that his last name "Pratt" is actually the British term for "douchebag."

I don't think I can elaborate any more on what an asshole Spencer is without revealing the pathetic extent of my knowledge concerning "The Hills," but I do know that if it weren't for him, I wouldn't know terms like "dude-vorce" or what "Speidi" refers to. I also wouldn't have scads of difficult-to-contain bottled rage toward blonde, porcine sons of wealthy dentists with vendettas against their possibly staged fiancees former best friends. These are things I don't need, so thanks a fucking lot, Spencer Pratt!

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# posted by Razzy @ 3:45 AM
Comments:
all i know is, every time Bagel flips to The Hills, I start storming around, wringing my hands and screaming hoarsely. I cannot STAND those idiot young bitches. The last few minutes I saw was LC at 20-yr-old ex-boyfriend and pubebearded Jason Wahler's engagement party to his girlfriend of three months or whatever, and when every one toasted and LC kind of gagged and went outside for air to get attention, i tore a handful of my hair out. Cannot deal.
# posted by Blogger LL Cool Jew : 10/02/2007 8:31 AM
 
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