Tuesday, October 02, 2007
Daily Dude I Want to Hit: Mark Vincent Kaplan
(I couldn't find a picture of Mark Vincent Kaplan, so I just put up this shot to remind everyone of what most definitely would have been if not for Kaplan's exceptional barristry)
Name: Mark Vincent Kaplan, Juris Doctor
DOB: ???
Occupation: family lawyer to the stars
Hometown: don't know, don't care
Current residence: Los Angeles, California
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Mark Vincent Kaplan has personally seen to the screwing over of many a celebrity in divorce proceedings, and has managed to get sweet deals for the most depraved and unworthy of Hollywood's infamous. His previous clients include Mr. Jennifer Lopez numero dos Cris Judd and the Church of Scientology. Currently, he is representing Kevin Federline, and doing a hell of a job.
Not only did he strip Britney of the kids yesterday, but somehow Kaplan has managed to take Kevin Federline and transform his public image from that of a trashtastic, greasy, chain-smoking wigger man-whore and sperm donor into basically father of the year. If last year you had asked me whether or not Kevin Federline would be setting the benchmark for responsible paternity, I would have told you that hell would turn into a fucking ski resort first. However, I didn't count on the exceptional lawyering and public image manipulating skills of Mark Kaplan. Not only has he made Kevin Federline seem like an icon of respectability, he has done so by getting super vicious with Britney. He's subpoenaed virtually every person who has ever stood in the same room as Brit, and is leaving no stone unturned in his quest for dirt to slam her with in court. Trust that when Britney submits to the court-mandated drug tests she's been skipping, Kaplan's going to have a field day with the results.
K-Fed is going to get the sickest alimony and child support, along with TOTAL custody of their little bastards, all because Mark Kaplan is so hot at executing nasty divorces. If I ever get married, I'm spending my dowry retaining this dude (because you know I'll probably need his services later in the marriage). Fuck a dress. It's way hotter to have the world's most competent celebrity divorce lawyer at the ready anytime.
DOB: ???
Occupation: family lawyer to the stars
Hometown: don't know, don't care
Current residence: Los Angeles, California
Why I Want to Hit that Hotness: Mark Vincent Kaplan has personally seen to the screwing over of many a celebrity in divorce proceedings, and has managed to get sweet deals for the most depraved and unworthy of Hollywood's infamous. His previous clients include Mr. Jennifer Lopez numero dos Cris Judd and the Church of Scientology. Currently, he is representing Kevin Federline, and doing a hell of a job.
Not only did he strip Britney of the kids yesterday, but somehow Kaplan has managed to take Kevin Federline and transform his public image from that of a trashtastic, greasy, chain-smoking wigger man-whore and sperm donor into basically father of the year. If last year you had asked me whether or not Kevin Federline would be setting the benchmark for responsible paternity, I would have told you that hell would turn into a fucking ski resort first. However, I didn't count on the exceptional lawyering and public image manipulating skills of Mark Kaplan. Not only has he made Kevin Federline seem like an icon of respectability, he has done so by getting super vicious with Britney. He's subpoenaed virtually every person who has ever stood in the same room as Brit, and is leaving no stone unturned in his quest for dirt to slam her with in court. Trust that when Britney submits to the court-mandated drug tests she's been skipping, Kaplan's going to have a field day with the results.
K-Fed is going to get the sickest alimony and child support, along with TOTAL custody of their little bastards, all because Mark Kaplan is so hot at executing nasty divorces. If I ever get married, I'm spending my dowry retaining this dude (because you know I'll probably need his services later in the marriage). Fuck a dress. It's way hotter to have the world's most competent celebrity divorce lawyer at the ready anytime.
Subscribe to Posts [Atom]
