Tuesday, October 09, 2007
Poppin' bottles with Top Models
One thing I love like Heineken, dogs, NFL football, and having my ass smacked during sex what is "America's Next Top Model," so I was most excited to get this e-mail from LL Cool Jew yesterday:
Well, now she's determined to expand her career from "Top Model"-ing (translation: not employed save the odd appearance on an E! "Most Starlicious Trashtastic Completely Forgettable Reality TV Moments" countdown) into the music industry, re-inventing herself as what I imagine Kevin Federline and Fergie's bastard child would look like:
I'm not at all embarrassed to say that I kind of like "Ace of Spades." I think it's actually even more entertaining to watch Lisa, adorned with a giant dollar sign pendant, threatening to "pistol-whip you in the ass, dog" (like she has a pistol, and who pistol-whips anyone in the ass?) and talking about how she gets the club crunk. My favorite line of all time is Lisa's pre-emptive strike against potential haters: "If you don't like my shit you can lick my twat." I couldn't say it better myself. This song needs to become a hit, at least on the internets.
And speaking of twat-licking, after watching this video one thing is absolutely certain: Kim of "one down, eleven to go" girl-kissing fame was not the only lezzie up on her Tyra Mail during cycle five. Lisa also likes to swim in the tuna tank. Trust.
(RAZZY UPDATE: Arrgh, for some reason the complete video which contains the seminal "if you don't like my shit, you can lick my twat" line has been set to private on YouTube, so I had to post the partial video instead. Damn!)
To: Razzy (razzy@razzy.org)She then provided a link to the YouTube of the video in question. I definitely remember Lisa. Not only was she the "old one" of cycle five, she was also a crazy loon who would run around absolutely wasted on white wine, get naked, and tell everyone else how to model. She had done some mall fashion show once or something, and at the wizened old age of 24, she was more than willing to dispense unsolicited advice to the other girls ad nauseum until she got booted.
From: LL Cool Jew (llcooljew@trotskyitepropagandists.org)
Subject: making sure you saw this
zomg, can you believe it? Lisa, the "old one" from ANTM, is a white rapper!
Well, now she's determined to expand her career from "Top Model"-ing (translation: not employed save the odd appearance on an E! "Most Starlicious Trashtastic Completely Forgettable Reality TV Moments" countdown) into the music industry, re-inventing herself as what I imagine Kevin Federline and Fergie's bastard child would look like:
I'm not at all embarrassed to say that I kind of like "Ace of Spades." I think it's actually even more entertaining to watch Lisa, adorned with a giant dollar sign pendant, threatening to "pistol-whip you in the ass, dog" (like she has a pistol, and who pistol-whips anyone in the ass?) and talking about how she gets the club crunk. My favorite line of all time is Lisa's pre-emptive strike against potential haters: "If you don't like my shit you can lick my twat." I couldn't say it better myself. This song needs to become a hit, at least on the internets.
And speaking of twat-licking, after watching this video one thing is absolutely certain: Kim of "one down, eleven to go" girl-kissing fame was not the only lezzie up on her Tyra Mail during cycle five. Lisa also likes to swim in the tuna tank. Trust.
(RAZZY UPDATE: Arrgh, for some reason the complete video which contains the seminal "if you don't like my shit, you can lick my twat" line has been set to private on YouTube, so I had to post the partial video instead. Damn!)
Labels: America's Next Top Model, hilarious shit, lezbollah, LL Cool Jew, rap, sluts
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