Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Daily Douchebag: Amy Winehouse
DOB: September 14, 1983
Occupation: junkie, neo-soul singer
Hometown: Southgate, London, England
Current residence: Camden, London, England
Douchebaggery: I'm well aware of Amy's triple negative response to the prospect of going to rehab, but I suspect Amy has also said "no, no, no" to showering and eating. This bitch is such a fucking unbelievable mess it's not even funny. For obvious reasons, the gossip internets are all over this trainwreck and I can't even see what's going on with my favorite piece of PWT (the legendary Ms. Britney Spears, of course) without getting a glimpse of this hooker's nappy bird's nest beehive, disgusting anorexic junkie figure, and blood-spattered ballet flats. I'm so sick of it! Amy Winehouse needs to end up dead, dead, dead from an overdose, overdose, overdose already, because I want to hear nothing more about her.
Every day, it's a new depressingly disturbing story about Amy Winehouse ingesting enough illegal substances to knock out a mastodon and causing some sort of trouble. However, Amy Winehouse trouble isn't entertaining trouble. It's not like when, say, Itneybray Earsspay starts rambling crazily at the paparazzi or runs over a cop's foot on her way out of the Malibu Starbucks parking lot or something. It's usually some sort of blood-spattered domestic brawl with her junkie justice-perverting (seriously, that's what the British courts call "witness tampering") husband, and it's sad rather than morbidly entertaining.
The other thing about Amy Winehouse is that she's supposedly so "talented." Everyone always laments that she's throwing her talent away with the substance abuse. So fine, her singing voice might be okay, but just because it sounds good doesn't mean she sings songs that don't annoy the hell out of me. Everything that has ever come out of this bitch's mouth drives me crazy. Even worse, Jay-Z remixed that annoying "Rehab" song and there was a grim period in August/September where it was on fucking Hot97 and Power105 ad nauseum. I listen to Hot97 and Power105 to hear songs about whips, ice, rims, kicks, hoes, R. Kelly's sexual prowess, blowfish sushi, and the like, not a British neo-soul singer with stupid hair and even more tremendously stupid eye makeup mewling along while Jay-Z raps about the Marcy Projects or whatever. Amy Winehouse might be talented, but talent doesn't necessarily exclude annoying, and nothing illustrates that better than this bitch's musical repertoire.
I can't think of anything admirable about her apart from the fact that I have to thank Amy Winehouse, along with Pete Doherty, for reminding me that all is not high tea and crumpets and proper manners over in England, and the Brits have white trash too. This girl could be stirring a fucking pot of anhydrous ammonia and pseudoephedrine in Spanaway, Washington as easily as she could be chasing the dragon in a London hotel room. And when the only attribute I can think of is that you look like you could be right at home in a P-N-Dub meth lab, things are grim indeed. When it comes to Amy Winehouse, I say no, no, no.
Labels: celebrities, Daily Douchebag, drugs, gross, oh the horror, PWT
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